A Fighter, A Hunter, And An Audience
by LadyBek
Summary: Megan Theia is a She's in love with her best friend Jack Frost, but has no way to tell As you can probably guess; her life turns upside down when her name is chosen at the Will she ever see Jack, or her other best friend, Gale Hawthorne, again? More details inside, [RATED M FOR MATURITY NOT GRAPHIC SEXXXXXX]
1. Something About Odds

/AN/  
Okay, so.  
This is a project I've been working on for a while. It started as a dream I had, of my own reaping day. It was different from this, but the idea is the same. Now, you'll notice, some elements from the world of 'The Hunger Games' are different or missing. Don't panic. Some are intentional while others are probably not a big deal. This is listed as a crossover because, yes, Jack Frost was in my dream. And I had to keep him. Other than his little sister and MiM, by this point, I don't think any other characters from Rise of the Guardians will be mentioned. Please please please do not start reading this for a lot of Jack Frostiness. This is not his story. I also just want you to know that while I had a lot of fun writing this, you may think a lot of it is bs or filler/time wasting. I would still like to know your opinions. And, as always, constructive criticism is welcome. The rating, as you will have read in the description, is not for sex. So just look elsewhere for that. There are mentions, innuendos, but there is no graphic sex in this. It's rated M because M means mature and mature means- well, that my characters can swear and say whatever the fuck they want. Also, there's death. I'm not a great actiony/violence writer, but I tried. Don't expect to wait long for any chapters (unless I lose the document) cause it's mostly all written now! I can still change things around if I get some suggestions but I've gone over it several times and most things are set in friggen stone. I could always get a new stone... Point is; depending on the reaction I get from this first chapter it could be a couple of days to the next chapter or a week.  
I HOPE Y'ALL LIKE THIS. PLEASE REVIEW, FAV IF YOU LIKE IT THAT MUCH, AND FOLLOW FOR MORE.  
**_*Hearts*_**

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When I wake up, the sun is still high in the sky and warming everything under its rays -including me. My fingers stretch out, to the right, seeking the one I had fallen asleep next to on the lush grass. His cold hand finds mine and our fingers lace together slowly, happily. If only we could stay like this all day... But it's impossible. This is the day of the reaping.

He rolls onto his side so he's facing me, still holding onto my hand. "Took you long enough. I've been waiting for you to wake up."

"Why didn't you wake me? Jack, you know we can't afford to be late." I frown at him and will away the uneasiness in me. Reaping day is never something to look forward to; I would rather focus on the moment. On my hand in his. He leans closer and my heart skips a beat.

"I wouldn't let that happen. Besides, your sleeping face is cute." he states easily. I know a blush creeps onto my face, but I also know he wouldn't understand.

Jack Frost. My classmate, my neighbor, my best friend. He only moved into the house next to mine a couple of years ago but from the very start he was friendly and kind and simply a lot of fun to be around. I don't know when I fell in love, but I know I couldn't tell him. He doesn't see me the way I see him. From his white shaggy hair to his ice blue eyes and everything else- I love him. I just wish he knew how his words affected me. I wish he intended for them to affect me like they do. I wish he would love me too. But that's too much to wish for -I'm being selfish again.

"How much time do we have?" I ask him. The subject of the reaping hangs over Panem like a sick, falsely entertaining cloud. The games are cruel. We all think it on some level of our conscious, but no one is brave enough to say it let alone do anything about it.

He rests back against the grass and peers up at the sky. There used to be a tree right where we lay in my back yard, but even before Jack had moved in next door my adoptive father cut it down. I'm very thankful. He guesses, "Probably a couple of hours. Well, we might want to be there early so-"

"More like an hour." I finish for him. He glances back at me and I smile. It's plenty of time to do nothing together and yet not enough by far.

"Hey, Meg?" While my full name is Megan, he rarely calls me that. I don't mind it, but sometimes it bothers me that he prefers the short version. It's meant to be endearing, I know. It almost feels like he doesn't want to take the time to say the final syllable. He's lazy, but that's just too much. I watch the clouds as he asks me, "What if I'm chosen?"

It's a question I expect. I always expect it. Especially from him. Beneath his care free attitude he has a great fear of the games. I also have a fear of him being chosen. He's strong, but not violent. When he needs to protect someone he'll do what he must and no more. We're all capable of the things we see in the games. Jack is capable of them. He would do what he could to avoid making a kill but the games change people, even if just for an instant. It would change him, possibly taking away his smile. He'd be haunted by the memory. And so would I if I had to watch him go through that.

"If you were chosen?" I know I have to answer him. "I would... do whatever I could to get you out of it. I'll bribe someone to take your place if I have to. Make a shady deal. If you're chosen, I'm not letting you go."

"You seem so sure that you can do something" he chuckles. He points up to the sky, "See that cloud? What does it look like?"

He always points out the strangest looking clouds and expects me to somehow see into his mind to figure out what they are to him. Luckily the answer is usually the same so I tell him, "It looks like a snowflake, of course. A snowflake in the middle of Summer. Winter is calling to you again."

He grins at me but shakes his head. When his eyes focus back on my face, I wonder what he sees. My dark hair, wavy and falling just below my shoulders? My blue eyes that I'm told have darkened from being in shadows too long? I don't understand what anyone means by that, but I don't argue. Maybe he's just taking in my almost plain features that he insists on calling cute. I don't know. All I know is that he's looking at me and I don't want his eyes to leave mine.

"What do you see?" I ask after a while, not sure if I'm talking about the clouds or not. He looks at me like it's obvious and I frown at him again. Since when is anything in his mind obvious to me?

He turns back to the cloud, apparently happy that it hasn't changed much in the few moments after he spotted it. I study his profile carefully. His smile, even just seeing it from the side, looks full. It's joyous and casual and I try to memorize what makes this smile different from the rest. Some hair has fallen into his face and I lean over to brush it away with my free hand, careful not to block his view. His eyes flit over to mine again and his words are soft, "It looks like you, Meg."

I blush again, "What do you mean?"

"You were right to guess snowflake. It does look like a snowflake. And so do you." It's an odd compliment, but knowing his love for all things Winter I smile at him. When he continues my eyes have trouble deciding if they want to watch his eyes sparkle or his mouth move. It's very warring. "A snowflake is unique. It's beautiful. Special. Sounds like you, doesn't it?"

"Not really" I reply, laying back in the grass, "I don't get it, Jack. Why do you say such things to me? I could easily take them the wrong way, you know."

"And what way would that be?" he wonders aloud, though I think it was more to himself, "I like telling you the good parts about yourself because you sometimes forget them. Meg, you're my best friend. You know me better than anyone else. Well, maybe there are a few things you don't know... Whichever way you take my words, it's probably how I mean them."

There is a long list of things he doesn't know, either. He doesn't know that I love him. He doesn't know that his words mean more to me than he wants them to. He doesn't know that it hurts to only be his best friend. He doesn't know that I want more.

But still, I can't tell him. I can't risk ruining what we have. I've seen it before. I've seen him reject girls before in the nicest ways possible. He smiles and then apologizes, stays with them a while to make them laugh again. To make sure that they're not too upset about it. Somehow it always works out. They all keep having fun like nothing really happened. I can tell, though. There's something different. It's subtle. There's a crack in their bond. I can't let that happen. I can't let him look at me with a wary smile, concerned that his effort at comfort has been undone or that he somehow did something wrong when he rejected me.

I've heard awful stories, too. Stories about best friends where one of them fell in love and confessed to the other. It didn't work out, and the one confessed to felt betrayed. Like their friendship had been a lie -some ruse entirely made up just to be close so they could one day be together as a couple. That's not how I see it at all. I cherish our friendship. If I lost that -if I lost him- I wouldn't be able to go on. So even though for a moment I think of telling him; I keep my mouth shut.

He points up at the clouds again, "Look. There. Christmas tree." I can't help but laugh. Looking around the sky I spot something and point it out. We watch for a while, both pointing at certain shapes. He eventually lets go of my hand and I don't mind. He's still beside me and that's what matters.

But then my curiosity gets the better of me and I have to ask him the question I'd avoided since I became so familiar with him. "What if I'm chosen, Jack? At the reaping?"

My words hang in the air for a few long moments. His smile fades and I almost regret asking. His serious face turns to mine, "You won't be."

"That's sweet, Jack. But it doesn't answer my question. I gave you a serious reply and now I think you owe me one."

"You've never asked before, Meg. I've never... I don't want to think about it. If you're chosen, I don't know what I'll do. Something stupid. Something desperate. But I know what I want you to do." he rolls over again and leans over me, his hands pinning down my arms. He smiles but it's not the mischievous or kind smile I'm used to seeing, "Run. Run fast, run far. Don't stop, and don't look back. I'll cover you, and so will everyone else who cares about you. Believe it or not; there's a lot of us."

I stare up at him. He's so close and I can feel his breath on me. His words sink in of course, but I can't focus on them. He's being protective and all I can see is how much he cares about me. The words hang on the tip of my tongue. I know I've held them in too long and it won't be much longer before they burst out of the small cage in my heart I've kept them locked away in. I love you, Jack. Why does it have to be so hard to tell you?

"Do you understand?" he asks me. I snap back to reality quickly and smile at him. Luckily, he smiles back. I'm not that lucky though and he stands up. "My dad made those cream puffs you like. We should go get some." He helps me up and we peer at the white fence separating our yards. We'd asked to have it taken down but realistically it wasn't a good idea. And so we hop over it.

His father isn't a cook. He didn't own a bakery nor has he ever worked at one. The cream puffs are a family recipe, one that I've been denied. It's a joke that I should marry Jack simply to get my hands on the recipe. I'll admit to thinking about it. They're delicious. Everyone loves them -especially me- but they're only made for special occasions.

"He made them for you, you know. Cause he knows you like them" Jack tells me as we head toward the back door. "But he's not making a big batch so don't have too many, alright? Save some for later?"

"Of course. I don't think I can hold them in anyway. I'm nervous. Who's going to be picked this year?"

"Not us" he says with a smile. Like he's certain. It's comforting. We walk through the door and the smells fill my nose and cause my mouth to water. Jack takes my hand and leads me into the kitchen where a small plate of cream puffs sit. He picks up a note and reads "These are for you. Hope you both enjoy them. See you later, and good luck!" Laughing, he comments, "I guess it is kind of obvious that you would be with me, right?"

"Yeah!" I say cheerily, "Cause we're inseparable!"

"Even though you just use me to get to these" he picks up a cream puff and holds it near my mouth. I take a bite and he lets go of my hand, giving me the rest of the small pastry. "I knew it. That's all I'm good for, isn't it?"

"There are many things you are good for, Jack Frost. This is just one of them."

We slowly finish off the pastries and talk to each other for a while. We don't expect his parents or his little sister to come home any time soon so Jack and I separate to get ready for the reaping. It's not a particularly formal event but it is televised and we're meant to at least try to look civilised.

We live in a comparatively rich part of District 7. It's often referred to as cozy. There is one small mountain in the middle, and that's where our Theatre is; where District events happen. Our main export is lumber. Outside the city limits there are large forests all around. Most take buses to the factory, but some have the opportunity to carpool with the higher ups.

It's easy to find the commercial areas -just stay close to the big mound of earth. Residential areas are spread out all over. There are fences and walls to mark the limits of the district; peacekeepers patrol them. To protect us, they say. And I believe them. I have no reason not to. Because I was told that my parents went outside the larger part of the walls, into the denser part of the forests. They never came back and I never left for rational fear of the same happening to me.

I put on my best pair of jeans and a light-colored sweater; there really is no dress code. I don't know if it looks good, I just know that it's comfortable and will keep me warm. Smiling, I reach out and grab the hair clip my other best friend, Gale Hawthorne, had given me. Jack has never given me anything like this. It's small and in the shape of a little pink cartoon heart. I laughed when he first gave it to me, which made him upset, but I immediately apologized and told him that I truthfully love it. I then kissed his cheek and that definitely cheered him up. He is very different from Jack Frost.

He's not as cheery, for example. He seems to only smile when he shows up at my house out of the blue. His parents and adoptive parents have been friends since their early years. He is always welcome. And he takes advantage of that, coming over at random times during the day and occasionally at night for dinner and such. Our two families do come together once in a while for a game night. Gale is also, in my personal opinion, not as attractive as Jack. Though I supposed I'm a bit biased. He has a quick temper and enjoys telling me how smart he is compared to me. In his own subtle ways of course.

Downstairs, the little lightly colored house is just as plain as most houses in the area. Janet and Brian, the couple who adopted me years ago, are waiting for me. They smile and hug me, and I linger for a bit. "I should... probably go catch up with Jack." I tell them.

"I thought you always go with Gale? Won't you wait for him?" Janet asks me with her sugar sweet voice.

"I haven't talked to him recently. We never made a plan for this year-"

"Since when do you need a plan?" questions Brian. "It's tradition, isn't it? We always look forward to seeing you two together." They've told me this many times. Gale and I aren't even really interested in each other. Luckily the days of arranged marriages are -for the most part- over with.

"I'll see him there. I want to go with Jack." They smile at me sadly but I know they won't push it any more. I think they know how I feel about Jack. Actually, I'm sure they do. I haven't exactly hidden it from them.

I hug them once more, grab my keys and ID, and walk out the front door. Jack's waiting for me on the sidewalk but his back is turned. I quietly approach him. He's wearing a similar outfit. Jeans and a blue hoody he has been very attached to since before we met. My hands reach out and I hug him from behind, startling him out of his thoughts. He laughs and turns around in my arms to hug me back.

"Meg! I was waiting for you! What took so long? Parents?"

"Yeah. Also I'm a girl so it obviously has to take longer for me to get ready" I joke. He grins at me and leads me down the road, his arm around my shoulders. "Did your parents make it back?"

"No, they're probably out with friends. We'll see them at the reaping. We'll see my sister..."

"Jack, you know she's not going to be chosen. Remember? You begged the Moon. And I've asked the Universe -you know it owes me. We've taken every random precaution we could think of. She's safe. I promise." I move so his arm falls from my shoulders and take his hand in my own.

"You're safe too" he says, "I didn't only beg the Moon for her." I look sideways at him while we walk and let my mind wander. I wish he meant it the way I want him to. If only we were going on a date. If only we were holding hands because we can and not for the support we need today. If only the games didn't exist.

"Thank you, Jack." I wish I could tell him.

"I mean it. I couldn't stand to lose either of you to those stupid games. They're not even fun! I'm sorry, Meg. It's the only game I can't let you take part in." I smile at him but he's focused on what's ahead of us. I squeeze his hand and keep walking.

The Theatre was only named that for the sake of giving it a name. Really, it's a natural formed stage at the base of the mountain. I look around shortly for Gale, not really interested in finding him. Jack's hand is still holding mine and we walk towards the group of children gathering in the large area between the stage and the concerned parents.

"You okay?" Jack asks me when we're almost there.

"Yes. Fine." Am I really? "You?"

"Fine. Absolutely. We're going to come out of this."

"We always have." I promise, squeezing his hand again. We separate, smiling as we part. Some officials scan my ID and take a small machine to my finger, drawing blood. We're told it's the easiest way to keep record. I don't even care. Blood has never bothered me. When I turn away from the official, I see Jack getting his blood taken. His face twists for a moment. Blood bothers him.

We fall in line to take our places in the crowd. Finally I look around. Up on the stage there are two large bowls filled with slips of paper. My name is in there only about several times. The odds are in my favor. In between the bowls, in the center of the stage, is a single microphone. Behind all of that, at the back, are four chairs. One for the mayor, one for the representative from the Capitol that will announce the names, and two for the mentors. On the sides are screens filling up with various live footage.

The cameras all around point at various things. The stage, the parents, the children. One points directly at me and I wave for no particular reason. When it turns away, I keep looking around. Peacekeepers, cameras, more peacekeepers. Has anyone ever tried to run away from this? I bet they didn't get far. No one would.

Then I spot someone waving at me from the left. It's Gale. He simultaneously points to his head and nods at me. I remember the hairclip and smile, turning my head so he can get a good look at it. It's a good luck charm, he's told me, I have to wear it to important events.

Jack steps in front of him, blocking my view. Well, I like this view better. We stare at each other for a while, shrugging and trying to guess what the other one is miming. It's stupid and we get glared at, but I know that he won't make it through this without a couple of smiles. Even when the announcers start, I'm still too focused on Jack to really pay attention. It's all Hunger Games, anyway. The same speeches every year. Blah blah blah, and may the odds be ever in your favor.

I don't know when it happens but at some point Jack turns away from me. I try to focus on the stage too, but I keep picturing the fear he's hiding behind his eyes and I have to make sure he's alright. He doesn't ask for my help, ever, but I still try to protect him and his smile. It's cheesy and more literal than it should be, but; I would give my life for him. If we were in the games together, I would make sure he won at all costs. I would make sure he made it home. Even if I didn't.

It's time for the names to be called. The Capitol representative, Polly, dressed in a tight-fitting blue dress, announces that it will, again, be ladies first, I don't know why she does this, it's not a requirement. Maybe because if a boy's name is called first, the girl will be less than compliant when their name is called. I wonder absently how Polly fit into that dress, and also how she's fighting off the cold. Capitol folk aren't used to being away from temperature controlled... Well, everything! Homes, cars, even the trains! Not saying I'm jealous but I think if I had such control over how hot or cool it was at any given moment I would be a lot happier.

She walks over to the bowl on her left and smiles big for the cameras, bunching her shoulders up for a moment like she's so excited. Her hand hovers over the bowl. Another smile at the cameras. Her hand dips into the bowl. I realize I haven't been breathing. Everyone leans forward slightly as her hand mixes up the slips of paper. I turn away and see Jack staring at me with a look of fear on his face.

I smile at Jack and turn away, not wanting him to worry. There's no need to worry. I'm not going to be chosen. I'm not going to the games. But some poor girl will be. As long as it isn't me, though I would rather it not be anyone. And as long as Jack doesn't go either. I make a mental note to tell him later. Tell him everything. But that can wait until after we spend time with our families-

_"Megan Theia"_

It echoes. Like an annoying bug in my ear. Then everything is in slow motion and I don't know if the buzzing, or the spinning, or the nausea will ever go away. It's such a sudden thing my heart drops and my entire body goes numb. Everything is fuzzy and my sight blurs. I don't even know what's happening anymore.

I panic.

Time skips regular speed and goes straight into overdrive. Jack's warning is in my head, "Run! Run fast; run far!" I think it's in my head. Someone is shouting behind me. Behind me? I'm already running. Where are the guards? Why is no one trying to stop me? I don't think anyone is. I feel like I'm running through a tunnel and all I can see is what's straight ahead. What am I thinking, this is so stupid! They'll catch me and I'll be in trouble- But I'm already doomed to be in the games. What more can they do?


	2. If These Walls Could Talk

Somehow I make it away from the Theatre. I run through the empty streets -everyone, peacekeepers included, are around the Theatre. But how did I make it past? I made it, that's what matters. Run, Meg. Run! If they haven't caught me yet, maybe I can make it! The streets turn more familiar. I'm near Gale's house. No one will be there and I need to rest. Hopefully he's okay.

I grab the spare key under the mat and quickly enter the house. I lock the door behind me. And then I collapse onto the chair in the hallway. What now? I feel like I'm already in the games. One wrong move, one wasted second, could easily mean the end of my life. I'm afraid. I need a plan. I didn't have one to begin with, I just ran! Maybe if I keep running- But no one can run from the Capitol. Not forever.

I have to- I have to-

Ugh! I have no idea! No one has ever tried this! I've never heard stories, not even anyone saying what they would do if something like this happened! It's unheard of! Unthought of! Impossible. I'm doomed. I can't stay here. But I'm lucky to have come this far. Should I give up now? Try to play it off?

No. I had to run. Jack told me to. And... And I don't want to think of how poorly I would do in the games. But what if they go after my family -what if they go after Jack? Or Gale! Why did I come to his house, they're going to know I was here! Gale and his family will be in trouble, I have to leave!

I open the door again and peer outside. The peacekeepers are already on their way! They've probably started patrolling all the roads- I have to hop fences. Luckily I've had a lot of practice. I don't understand it. Is luck on my side or not today? I run through the house and to the back door. It's so empty without the Hawthorne's here. So lifeless. I hate this empty feeling. I'm never going to see any of them again whether I'm caught or not.

I whole heartedly believe that luck is most definitely not on my side. I'm a block from my house and a guard spots me. Recognises me. He's at the side of a house. I freeze, for some reason curious about what he'll do. He patrols the markets; we've talked before, gotten to know each other. He's a great friend of mine. But Caelus is a peacekeeper first and foremost. I can't trust that he won't yell for someone or come charging out himself.

I hop over another fence and turn back to see him smiling at me as he gives me a thumbs up. I return the gesture, almost feeling the need to collapse in relief. But I press on. It's not far now, I need to cross the street soon. I leap over another fence, cautiously peer into the windows around me. Another fence, another house. And then again. And finally, one last fence. I stare at it; going over would land me at the side of a house. Then I have to really watch out for guards.

I grip the fence. Am I ready? Can I do this? This isn't even the last hurdle. I hoist myself over the fence and duck behind some garbage bins. The stench throws me off for a minute then I'm back on track and on the look out. Stopping for too long is a bad idea. There aren't many guards around and I need to cross the street; that's what I know. I can't see my house yet so that's the only thing I know.

Leaving my hiding spot I creep along the house, my hand skimming the siding. I can see into the street a lot better. My front door is closed and probably locked. I can't see anyone inside, but what can I really tell from across the street?

Seeing a chance to run, I take it. I've never been a particularly loud person. At least, not when I walk -or run. It will be my only advantage when I'm in the games. I don't have much else. I'm fit, but only enough to have fun all day. A fight to the death? I couldn't run fast enough, I couldn't hit hard enough. And I have next to zero experience with weapons of any kind. The only experience I do have is because the grand tradition of kids playing with sticks as swords and staves has held strong around the area. Technically it can be called training, and that's what it would be if Jack didn't make it so much fun.

I reach the door and shake those thoughts from my head, quickly taking out my keys. When the lock clicks I push inside, quickly shutting and locking the door behind me. I stay near it for a while, listening for any sounds. There are none and I assume the house is empty. Good. No guards, no parents. I can do this. No goodbyes, no looking back. No regrets.

I walk through the house. Plain wallpaper. Wood furniture. It's cozy, just like expected in this district. A few pictures and decorative vases filled with simple and, supposedly, fashionable branches, a couple of paintings that Brian himself made. The stairs are bordering on steep and along the walls are a few more pictures of the three of us. I'll miss them. Janet and Brian Cate took me in and I'll always be thankful for that. But even more they actually treat me like family. They accept me and care for me. They love me. I hate having to leave them but running is the best chance I've got. They'll understand.

My room used to be like the rest of the house. I only changed it after Jack's first time up here. He told me how plain it was and how a little paint could fix it easily. I took his advice. Now my room is blue -Jack's favorite color- and silver -my favorite color. He helped me paint it. And while we did that, while the room was empty, he told me what would look great. I took a few ideas from him but kept to my own style for the most part. It's my room, after all. I didn't expect him to see much of it anyway seeing as we usually spent our time together outdoors.

Quickly, I grab a backpack and fill it with some clothes and a few essentials. I take nothing I can afford to leave behind. I also throw in the hairclip Gale had given me. I move fast, but still the seconds are precious and the ones I waste are terrible to experience. Every small pause means the peacekeepers are moving. Every plan that gets away from me turns into a thought I should keep at bay. There's so much pressure, I can hardly take it!

And I know that my body will follow if I'm not careful. I'll fall apart at some point and have to wish hard for some stranger to help me. Someone who won't give me up. Won't turn me in to the Capitol. If that's possible. Maybe if I can make it past the borders of Panem. That's my best shot; likely my only chance. I know there's more out there than we're told. I hope there is.

Taking a moment for myself, I collapse onto the bed. I don't want to stop. I don't want to give myself more time to think. I don't want to let my doubts reach me, my fears. But I have to let the familiarity sink in. Memories of the past, dreams of the future. I won't be coming back here, one way or another. Pillows are, unfortunately, something I can afford to leave behind. Comfort isn't a priority. Survival is.

Standing up again is a very difficult thing to do. A headache starts up as soon as my head leaves the pillow and I know there isn't much I can do about it. Leaving my room behind, I quickly map out the house, trying to think of where I can get the few things I still need. First aid kit, painkillers -I take one right away-, a rechargeable flashlight, grey water bottle, a swiss army knife -who doesn't have one somewhere?-, a couple of trash bags, energy bars. It isn't a heavy load, but it will wear on me given time and rest won't often be an option.

Not for the first time I think of how crazy I am! I'm actually going through with this; I'm actually running! Leaving my friends and family, my future. It was going to be taken away from me anyway, I reason. It's true, but taking the bullet would be no easier on me or them. I have to try. Even if it's impossible.

I need a something more than my sweater to keep me warm. And what if it starts raining? In the nearest closet I find a light jacket and quickly put it on. Grabbing the backpack again, I pull the straps over my shoulders and make sure they're at a good length. The pack feels awkward. I shrug my shoulders a few times to get the straps settled -no time to deal with that later. I'm stalling, I think as I roll back and forth on my feet. There's a lot I could do in the name of rather safe than sorry, but in the end what's safe is running. I walk out the back door and step into the yard.

I was here with Jack earlier. We were holding hands. Laughing, smiling, and he was almost flirting. I would have told him right after the reaping if I'd had the chance. Now I'll never have that chance. I sigh and quickly cross to the fence bordering our two yards. Why is hopping this fence so hard? How many others have I passed? And how many times before today have I passed this one? It shouldn't be hard; but this time Jack's not waiting for me on the other side. I'll never see him again. I'll never confess to him. There won't be a first date, a first kiss. There'll be nothing because I've left. Because I'm too afraid to face the games. I want him to always smile. I don't want to be the reason his smile is forced. Even if he doesn't love me like I love him, he still cares. He'll always care.

If I had chosen to swallow my fear and fight in the games maybe I could have won. Then I would tell him for sure. Maybe he would tell me when I came back? We would support each other. Night terrors, among other unfortunate conditions, are a common thing for victors and their loved ones. I don't know how likely it is for Jack, but I would be there for him; and he would be there for me.

Quickly, I jump the fence and run to the Frost's back door. It's locked, but I know the lock is faulty. I laugh softly at the memory of Jack's over excited form running into it. He didn't know it was locked of course. I pull on the knob and twist it in quick succession, forcing the lock loose, and push the door open. I don't bother to shut it behind me. I won't be long. I have all the supplies I need -or at least all that I can carry. Taking anything that may be of sentimental value to me doesn't seem like a good idea either. I simply walk around the house for a while. More thoughts, more memories invade my mind. And I let them in.

I don't open any doors, and most of them are closed; Jack's included. But I walk up to it anyway. It has his name on it in large snowflake covered blue letters. Below it is a little sign 'Knock three times, spin on one foot, and ask to enter in rhyme. No entry otherwise' I thought it was cute at first but he actually enforces it. The sign changes sometimes; always to some other silly request. My favorite was 'Sing your favorite song while doing the chicken dance'. It was very difficult to coordinate. Not that I've visited him in his room very often, but it happens! He may be fun first, but he's laziness second and they often overlap, causing me (or another friend or concerned family member) to go in and attempt to drag him out.

I lean against the door, wishing he was on the other side. I imagine knocking three times, then waiting for him to open the door. Once he did, I would spin around and say the cheesiest rhyme I'm capable of. Then we would laugh together and he would pull me inside. He'd tell me his newest ideas for pranks and ask my opinion on them. We wouldn't spend long there, he would drag me out to the living room or outside as soon as he was done sharing top secret pranking information with me. Just like always.

Pushing away from the door, I continue down the hallway. There isn't anything else I want to do, so I go back to the kitchen where I left my bag. I examine the cream puffs. They really are too good to leave behind. I put 8 into a little plastic bag and carefully stuff them into the backpack, promising not to eat them all in one go. I'll never find any like them, after all.

I don't know how, but I drag myself outside again; it's started raining. That's going to make it a lot harder to maneuver the fences. The grass will be slick, too. If I'm not careful any matter of dangerous things could happen. And then even more dangerous things once I'm found crawling along the mud with a broken ankle-

I push the thought out of my head then cautiously climb over the nearest fence in the direction of one of the Eastern gates. If I go that way there are fewer roads to cross and I'll be closer to the border around Panem. There is a large gate there, I know that. If it's possible to sneak through it, I hope I have the chance. One good thing about the rain is that the guards should also have trouble with it. Both with their movements, their line of sight and hearing. We are raised with the belief that rain can only bring good. With our main industry being in lumber, and our gardens being very important, of course we're taught that. Today, though, rain is a mixed blessing for everyone.

It's been -I don't know how long- since I left the Frost house and I'm getting sick and tired -literally tired- of hopping fences. I've slipped a few times already, both on the grass and off of fences. I'm covered in mud, soaking wet because although I have the jacket zipped tight rain keeps finding its way in; and my resolve both drops and heightens randomly in every yard. I'm also pretty sure I've cut myself somewhere, but I'm not going to stop to check. The peacekeepers keep closing in, advancing as I advance, but if I try to go any faster to get ahead of them, I slip more. I'm going to be bruised for sure. I haven't even made it to the gates, how am I really supposed to survive beyond them? But that's the thing. I'm not supposed to. I'm supposed to either die out there or give myself up. Neither are very pleasant options.

For about the hundredth time I hope that the backpack is water proof as for a few minutes the rain thickens again. I didn't think to check before I left and now if I end up regretting it there will be no turning back to get another one. It won't be a simple mistake. It could mean the difference between life or death. But I don't know that. Not yet. Hopefully if it comes to that the Fates will favor life. If I don't make it because of a stupid backpack-

I'm in the middle of a yard and I trip. My arm hits against the side of what must be a tree stump and I yelp in surprise and pain, quickly covering my mouth with my other hand. I doubt anyone heard anything over the rain but still I can't help but be cautious. It isn't very light out anymore with the dark clouds in the sky but luckily I can see my arm in front of my face. I peel back the sweater and breathe a sigh of relief. I'm not bleeding. Some skin is scraped away and my sweater torn a fraction, but I'm not bleeding and I don't need immediate care. I sigh and stand up, kicking the stump as I go. It hurts my foot, but I can walk it off easily. The small satisfaction is worth it.

Nearly at the end of the line of houses, I stop and lean against a dog house. The dog is inside and protecting it's territory, so I give up on the peace of having shelter for the few moments that I take to catch my breath. It's not just a stamina thing. I am tired, sore, and I just want to stop for a while. I thought I would never go past the walls; hoped I would never have to. The fear of what happened to my parents still lingers in me but more so it's the fear of not knowing what actually happened. I couldn't explain it if I tried. It's just... the empty, dark, unknowing still haunts me. No one knows about this fear except Brian and Janet.

But I'm cold. I'm tired, I'm sore. I can't stay here. If I make it into the woods, if I can keep going; maybe I'll be able to find an old cabin or something. Maybe a treehouse. Shelter, of any kind. I can't stay in these wet clothes; I'll catch a cold. And then it will get worse. I can't let that happen. Even if anyone from the Capitol found me, I'm not sure if they have found a cure for the common cold yet. Probably have but I don't want to have to find out. I stand up. The rain is relentless and I must be too. I need to be stubborn and tough and -I need to stay strong. I need to make it into the woods.

I start running again, trying to make it to my destination before I lose my resolve. My hand slips on a fence and I fall fowards, barely catching myself. I keep going. But up ahead is the last road. There isn't much cover there, I'll have to make a plan before I cross. If any peacekeepers see me they'll come after me and they'll know where I am, what gate I'm using, and that I'm prepared to travel through the woods. They'll also see that I'm not doing too well, but that doesn't mean much to me. I'm doing a whole lot better than anyone else ever has. I've made it this far. That's got to be enough to worry them. To scare them. I can do this; I can make it. They won't catch me.

The area around the Eastern Gates was used to be used for evacuations and other quick entry or exit reasons; there are other ways to get past the wall. I can search for a hidden passage or secret door of some kind. It's like one of Jack's games, I assure myself; that's all this is. A game. But if I lose this one then I have to join another, more unpleasant, game as punishment.

I'm between a bunch of buildings, in a network of alleyways. I wait as a patrol goes by, until they're far enough away to not hear or see me. Quickly, I skirt across the building to my left. Another building over and then there's a guarded corner. I fling myself into a narrow alleyway and decide to wait again. I scan the area, watch the peacekeepers, keep an eye out for the patrolmen. I don't know what to do. Now that I'm here, I feel stuck. It was a small step forward and now I can't take another. I'm scared to. But what's even more frightening is waiting for my fate to be decided for me. There are steps I can take. I just have to take them. I step out of the alleyway.

My mind kicks into overdrive, propelling my feet forwards. Across the street, into another alleyway. Another patrol passes shortly after and I flatten against a building, hoping I'm not as visible as I think.

While I'm not moving the cold sets in and I shiver uncontrollably. My hands are prunes, my hair sticks around my face and falls in front of me. Rain water drips from my nose, hair, clothes, and about everywhere it can. I should have grabbed a thicker jacket but at the time I know I was thinking ease of movement rather than bundling up like a marshmallow. If the items in my backpack are dry I will be happily surprised. I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to make it out of the rain in perfect health but if I can keep it to a simple cold maybe I'll be alright. Well, that's unlikely. I'm going to be far from alright no matter what the weather does. Running away is not an easy thing to do. Ever.

When I near the wall that serves as a border for the district, my hand reaches out and I freeze. There's a dull ache in my chest and not just from the chill or the stress my body is suddenly under. "It's stupid to be afraid of a wall" I tell myself. "It's a slab of concrete. And beyond it; just trees. A forest. How can someone in this district be afraid of a forest? Meg, your parents weren't afraid of the forest. They passed by this wall easily and so have many others. There is nothing to be afraid of." My resolute voice calms me enough and my fingers stretch out over the wall in front of me. It's just a wall.

There's a panel in front of me. It doesn't look like much. I kneel down and examine it, my fingertips running along the seams. My hand catches on something near the ground and I pull on a broken corner. It comes loose and I stare at the little hole behind it. It's not a passage. I don't know what it is, but it's not something I need. The broken corner piece looks useless, and on closer inspection there's writing on it; this was patch #48 apparently.

Sighing, I lean forward and press my head against the wall. What do I do now? Run for it? Keep crawling? I don't know anything about secret passages. I wonder what anyone else would do. No one else would have run from the peacekeepers. They would be on the way to the Capitol by now. Maybe they're waiting. Maybe they'll give up tomorrow and send out whichever poor boy was chosen. Oh please don't let it be Jack.

For a moment I think of going back. Checking on him and his family. I would be caught but at least I would know. It's really too late now. The moment I tried to run I got on the Capitols bad side. The only way to go is forwards.


	3. Cream Puffs For The Runaway Soul

/AN/  
Is anyone reading this?

* * *

There is little room between the walls of the buildings and the wall of the border and I can barely make it through walking straight. My shoulders bump the sides with every step, quickly wearing on my sanity. After what I guess has been five-minutes, I carefully shed the backpack. Getting that weight off my shoulders is a small relief. Grabbing the handle at the top of the bag I start walking with my upper body partially sideways. My sanity returns as I walk and I let my hand glide on the slick wall of the border.

If I slipped into one of the buildings I could be safe for a while but not long enough. Leaving the district as soon as possible is the best way to go about it. I'll rest when I'm out in the woods. With or without proper shelter. I'll make my own shelter. That's energy I can use without regret. Food, water, shelter, distance. My major concerns.

I've lost myself in my thoughts when my hand slips over a crack in the wall. After a couple of seconds I turn around to look at it. It's dark, and I can just barely see that a thin layer of the wall is gone. They haven't patched up everything, apparently. While I found patch #48, there could be countless others. Suddenly this district doesn't feel so safe.

I keep walking. I should focus but my thoughts drift. How am I going to survive in the woods? Do I have enough supplies to last until I figure it out? Will they catch me? When? What condition will I be in when they do? What about after. What will they do to me.

I shake my head slowly. They won't do anything to me. They'll put me where I belong; in the games. The most they'll do is affect my rankings, making me more of a target. I'll already be a target. The one that got away. No matter how far I get, I still escaped. Especially if I can make it past the wall. That will probably either put an even larger target on my back or make me some friends. If I can ally myself with the careers I'll have a better chance than most in the games. When it gets close to the end I could leave them. If only I knew how to set traps...

No. No, I'm not going to the games! That's why I'm running! I will not go to the games. I will not let them force me to be someone I'm not; a killer. No, I won't let that happen. Just think happy thoughts.

Pillows. Clouds. Jack Frost. Cream puffs. Gale Hawthorne. Janet's cheesy tortellini... Brian. That little clothing shop I wanted to work at. The cafe next to it...

I'm hungry. Skipping lunch was probably not a smart thing to do. Luckily I had had a large breakfast. Or, not so lucky. I don't know how that works. But of the multitude of problems I currently have; food can wait.

My hand slips again and I realize I've been putting too much pressure on it as I fall forwards onto my knees, awkwardly squished between the walls. The bag fell away from me when I tried to catch myself and I turn first to pick it up. Standing up is even more awkward, but I make it. I press my forehead against a building and breathe for a few moments to regain the calm I'd lost at the fall. I turn again to search for the crack that had caused my fall.

It's more than a crack, though. It's a giant crack- and it goes to the other side of the wall! I can fit through here and be in the woods! No more stupid walls! Better cover! Uneven ground. Wild animals. Insects...

An alleyway not ten feet from me starts glowing. There are peacekeepers there, using flashlights. It's now or never, and I've already made that choice. Crouching, I maneuver past the face of the wall. As soon as I'm through, I glance behind me. The light is hovering near the crack and I can hear voices. I turn again and start running. There's shouting behind me and I know they've found the crack.

My feet slap on the ground, mud starting to stick and weigh on my shoes. A few branches hit me, and I nearly stumble several times before I almost throw myself against a tree to take a break. How long have I been running for? I'm not used to this, my lungs are burning. From the side pouch of my backpack, I grab the water bottle and for a few minutes I take long drinks in between deep breaths. Finally I feel ready to move on. I can move steadily again, I can breathe properly. I can run a little farther.

After a while, I stop as I see something out of the corner of my eye. I walk towards it as slowly my breath starts coming back. What I thought was a shack turns out to be a warehouse, and it looks like it's not been used in a while. Still, it would be on the district records. It will be searched, just like every other building or structure that they think I could be hiding in.

There are no peacekeepers around now so I sprint for the front doors. They're locked. I slam my fists against the doors. There must be another way in. More wall crawling, I think with a groan. It's a change from the border but it's still a wall. Four walls. And I might have to search all of them. Better get started.

I find a way in on the last side I check. A window, slightly ajar, leads inside. The problem is lifting myself up to it. It's high above my head, not very large, and probably leads to a small room. Luck keeps piling on top of me though and I find some small crates. Against the building, under the window, I wonder if it will be enough. Carefully, I climb on top of the small stack I made. It wobbles a little so I reach up and catch the edge of the window balancing out and pushing the window open more. It opens to the outside like a flap so I throw my pack through and follow quickly before the window realizes gravity is still a thing and falls closed again.

It's warm inside. Humid. But mostly dry. I shake the rainwater off my backpack and, reaching inside, grab the flashlight. It seems like the pack really is waterproof; a few drops escape inside when I open it but otherwise the contents are completely dry. I press the button but it doesn't turn on, stupid thing isn't charged. I should have checked that before. I can't see what I'm doing but feeling around is good enough; the crank turns and turns and for several minutes I sit there. At least I'm slowly drying off. I sneeze and my hand slips from the crank, hitting against the floor. I don't curse often but now I do, kissing my knuckles. They're scratched and sting wildly. I press them to my wet jeans and wait for it to stop.

Another several minutes later I guess that the flashlight charged enough and turn it on. The room has a few shelves that have fallen over and a small desk to the left. I stand up and place the flashlight on the desk so that I'm in its light. Taking off my jacket I shake it and hit it against the wall to get the pooling rain water away from it. I hang it on a shelf and decide on stripping out of my wet clothes. While I'm undressed I assess the damage to my body. A few bruises and scrapes like I thought. Nothing fatal. I'm not bleeding.

Soon I let out a shaky sigh at the feeling of having dry clothes on. Black pants and a dark long-sleeved shirt. I didn't bring a spare pair of shoes so I'll just walk around in my bare feet for the time being. It's not like I can do anything about it. At least the floors look clean enough. By that I mean there are no obvious nails sticking up. I make a mental note to clean the mud off the shoes later.

After a while I lose myself in my thoughts. Thoughts about what I'm going to do, about what the Capitol might do, and what Jack said he would do. Something stupid. Something desperate. I'm almost afraid that he'll go through with it. Actually I am very afraid that he will. He's not an idiot though. He knows how cruel the Capitol can be and that there is nothing he can do at this point. I ran like he told me to but I feel like I've abandoned him. Like this will hurt him more than seeing me in the games.

Then again when I remember what the games actually consist of maybe he would prefer it this way. Sure he'll never see me again and certainly never had the chance to say goodbye but would he really want that anyway? It has nothing to do with love. He's my best friend. Of course he wouldn't want to say goodbye but he would say it anyway simply because it was his last chance. It would be painful for me to let go of him, but I would. Eventually. And I wouldn't tell him how I really feel. It would make things that much harder and I can't let that be his only thought as he watches me go through the trials. The thought that I love him and he only found out after it was far too late. That we never had the chance to really be together before our twisted culture ripped us apart. That if I never make it back he won't have the chance to give me a reply -if he even could. I think I could handle not getting a reply. It would be better than being rejected like all the others.

Why had he refused everyone who'd ever told him their feelings? Is there someone he likes? Maybe Gwen? It would make sense. She can actually keep up with him both in games and simple banter. She's naturally pretty. Plain looks good on her and I'm certain that's the style Jack likes. After all why bother dressing up if you're only going to be having fun all day? Well, Jack Frost. I'll have you know I like dressing up. Or, on certain occasions I do. And what's wrong with that? There's more ways to have fun than lying in the grass or running around. I would prove it to him if I had the chance.

He must be with his family now. I can't picture it being his name that was called after mine. They would have called a name after all; there's no point in ending the reaping because of one runaway. Jack would have gone through my name being called and me running away then he would wait for the other name to be called. I hope with all my heart that it wasn't another one of his friends. Losing one friend is already too much, and we were really close.

Would he cry for me? I've never seen him cry. He doesn't even get teary when he hurts himself. He broke his arm once (Probably not the first time) and he just laughed about it until the bone healed. Then he went out and did more stupid things. The only time I've ever seen him get close to crying was when he first moved in next door. I sat with him for a while, out in his backyard, but never asked what was wrong and afterwards thought better asking anything else about his life before moving to the district.

I lay on the floor, my arms crossed behind my head. I won't fall asleep. I'll just rest for a little while then search the warehouse a bit. After that I will have to leave. Actually, I have no idea which way to go. I was running blindly earlier, and I'm still hopeful that I didn't just run in a circle. Really, my optimism is unreasonable. Just a little rest. Then I'll be ready to move again.

But saying I'm surprised is an understatement. When I wake up, I freak out. It's still dark and I grab for the flashlight, pushing the button frantically. I left it on while I was asleep and it's run out of battery again. I quickly calm down, like something inside me has broken and these problems just can't bother me right now. I need to move. I need to get out of here. Charging the flashlight could be worthwhile but for all I know there could already be peacekeepers right on my tail.

I charge the flashlight in between stuffing my wet clothes into one of the trash bags. I strain my ears to listen for any sort of noise but all I can hear is the forest coming alive after the rain had stopped. I'm glad to not have rain to worry about anymore. But if any animals skipped on lunch like I did, they'll be running after whatever they can find. My dry clothes still smell like civilisation -the fruity smell I always search for in products that have it- and I bet it will stand out. I don't want to be eaten.

Taking out an energy bar, I shrug my arms into the sort-of-dry jacket and start taking small bites. My stomach growls and another small taste of misplaced anger strikes as I tell it, "Shut up, I'm feeding you. We have to take this limited food thing seriously for a while so take it easy." The organ responds by twisting itself in a knot.

I don't want to run, but I need to gain more distance. Does it really make a difference whether I walk or run though? If they were right behind me, yes. But if I don't even know where they are or whether they've come after me the right way... I can probably walk for a while. Besides, if I can save even a little bit of energy it would be for the best. A short sprint could save my life.

So much for searching the warehouse. After leaving, I start walking East. I'm pretty sure it's East. I remember some things from navigations class, so that's what I'm using. My classroom memory has a lot of holes in it though. It isn't like I thought I would be traversing the woods, and definitely not alone. But whether it's East or not, as long as I keep the moon in the same spot behind me, I know I'm going straight. It's going down, so I'm pretty sure the way I'm going is right.

A few times I stop to listen for noises I was sure I'd imagined. In my mind it's carnivorous animals, peacekeepers, hunter traps, pretty much anything and everything other than the nothing that it usually is. If any peacekeepers were out there, they'd be making a lot more noise. Wild animals would, too. If not then they're hiding, obviously not very high on the food chain.

Finally, I can see an end to the tree line. I'm still far from it, and it's starting to get light out, but it's a milestone. Climbing carefully down the steep hill I'd found, I keep my eyes on the town I see far ahead of me. It's likely been alerted of a runaway so it would be wise to avoid. Then again, I am really hungry. Luckily my moral compass isn't stuck due north. I can steal enough to survive, and maybe a little more. I have to be careful about how much I carry but I'm running low on energy bars. I wasn't thinking when I grabbed them. They were just small and nutritious. I need something more. And soon.

The sun starts rising and I stop in a small clearing to eat a couple of cream puffs. Instead of energy, I need a pick-me-up. All the other cream puffs papa Frost had made were probably all gone; not lasting long after the reaping. After all, they're a rare treat. No one would pass them up. Maybe I should have taken more.


	4. So That's Where The Soup Went

I look down and frown, seeing that I've already eaten half of my baggy-full of cream puffs. I definitely should have taken more. Stuffing the baggy back into the backpack, I wait for more light to enter the clearing. It doesn't take long and I look at myself. Not that bad, I decide, it's what I'd expect after a long hike over fences and through cracks in walls, and an army chasing after me. Actually, it's a lot better than I expect. Other than bruising and a few scratches I'm completely fine!

But my hair and skin feels gross. I am in desperate need of a shower. A garden hose would do. A water trough! The first morning is always the worst, I tell myself. After that I'll turn into a real wilderness explorer and damn the dirt that tries to make me uncomfortable. Then again, I'm sure I can find somewhere to wash up in that little town.

I make a mental list. Food, soap, water, another hour of rest. If anything else, I'll have to think of it later. Again, I shrug on the backpack and continue walking. If there are many peacekeepers in the town, then half the things already on my list become unlikely. This is a stupid idea. I should stay away from the town. Go around it. As I get closer though I see and smell how their day is already starting and I can't avoid it. Someone's baking. A few buildings have smoke coming from their chimneys already. The wind is directing it towards me and I take a long sniff. Bread. Where there's bread; there's cheese. And possibly jams. Mmm, or eggs-

I shake my head and keep walking. It's a cute little town painted with lighter shades and a few buildings in a pale shade of pink I've never seen before. Hand decorated signs, styled shrubbery, flower boxes, and very clean alleyways like the one I find myself in not five minutes after entering the town. The alley is in the middle of two rows of houses, tall wooden fences surround me. There isn't much cover save for the few sheds poking out of fences. At least it's not narrow.

After a while, I spot a gate that looks like it hasn't been used in a while. Sure enough, when I try it, it sticks. Tugging hard, I finally get it open and soon lock myself inside the overgrown back yard. I pick my way through the weeds and up to the back of a cream-colored house. There is a small block of stairs to the back door and I climb them carefully, noticing that the stone they were made with is cracking. First, I open the screen door. Then the wooden one after a small effort.

The inside is not as gross as I had expected. It's clean in an unused for a few weeks way. I can probably settle here for a while. I go to the kitchen that's just down the hall and on the right. I find moldy bread, rotten fruit, and some cans of soup that I decide to cook. Probably not a smart idea but seeing as everything still worked while no one was likely to visit, I decided to take advantage. After cleaning out a pot, I locate the can opener and pour the cans contents out. It heats slowly and I stand by it, only leaving the stove to find a bowl. I also fill my water bottle after waiting for the tap water to turn clearer.

I enjoy my meal, a bit faster than I need to. The world outside starts to come alive and I sit at a small table in the barely lit abandoned house. I could stay here for a while. The taste of the delicious soup is lost on me but the water tastes like sawdust as it flows down my throat. Instead of doing dishes, I leave them all in the sink for later if I really decide to stay. If I don't, then what do I really care about dirty dishes?

Up the narrow stairs, to the left, I find a bathroom equipped with a higher-tech walk in shower than I'm used to. For a few minutes I mess around with the settings, wondering if there was a manual I needed to read, until finally I find a setting that I like. A steady stream of water flows over me and I dare not look down at whatever dirt washes off my body. Luckily, there had been a bar of soap on one of the shelves. Lucky me, lucky me, I hum. Really, I've been too lucky. It was like the Universe was really on my side! Someone was watching over me, and they were doing a great job.

As I turn off the water, I hear someone outside the door shout and before I can grab a towel, a guy, possibly only a couple of years older than me, barges into the bathroom with his fists raised. I slip back, hitting my head against the wall, and for a moment we just stare at each other.

Then he blushes and looks away, "Can you grab a towel or something. I can't be mad at a naked chick."

Completely red, I grab for a towel and hope I don't get covered in dust as I wrap it around myself, "Umm, you can look?"

He does and the blush is gone. His anger comes back and he demands, "What the fuck are you doing in my house?" Before I can answer he gets a good look at me and chuckles darkly, "Oh. It's you. The runaway. Can't believe you've already made it this far."

Without thinking, I drop to my knees, "Please don't turn me in" I never thought I would be one to beg but he's right. I've made it this far. I'm not letting him stop me. If I can appeal to some sort of conscience maybe I won't have to attack him. He could overpower me easily though. I would need more luck to get by him. "Please" I say again, staring at the floor with my hands clasped in front of me. I hope I sound hopeless enough. Why wouldn't I?

For several moments he doesn't move and doesn't make a sound. As I start thinking I should say something more, he presses forward and kneels in front of me. "Megan, right?" He takes my chin with his fingers and forces me to look up at him. When he lets go, I nod. His smile, like his earlier chuckle, is dark, "You're a trespasser, Megan. I don't care that you're a runaway; but I do care that you broke into my house-"

"I didn't break anything"

"You broke that soup can, technically."

"I opened it. Just like I opened the doors. I haven't broken anything. Please, I can't be taken to the games!" I hope I'm getting through to him but by the look in his brown eyes it's unlikely.

"Why you? What makes you so special? Even if I don't turn you in, you know you're going to be taken. And if I don't turn you in..." he looks me up and down slowly, "You're going to owe me. Big time."

I stare at him. His stupidly shining brown eyes, his stupidly stylish blonde hair. His stupid muscles I can see through the stupidly thin green t-shirt. Okay, so he's attractive? Whatever, attractive people don't always get their way. "No. Not if you mean like that."

His face goes blank and he asks, "Why? Got someone at home you abandoned? You're on your own out here, can you really afford to hold onto your virtues?"

"I didn't abandon him" I throw my damsel in distress plan out the window, "I left because-"

"There are a thousand reasons why you ran, I'm sure. You didn't really think this through, did you? If you're hoping someone will help you; you're already screwed. And I think I've helped you enough. If you want to stay; you will have to help me out around here. As you've seen, this place isn't in good condition. If you want to leave then I'll ask one thing of you, then you have to go immediately."

What was he talking about? Could I trust him? Hardly containing my surprise I ask, "You would let me stay here?"

"Yes. But it won't be easy. I'm lazy as all hell so most of the house work would fall to you. And I won't be hiding you. If any peacekeepers come around you have to hide yourself. Also," he smirks and reaches forward to touch my wet hair, "I'm irresistable. You might fall in love."

"I'm already in love, thanks." I swat his hand away. I'm grateful for his offer. It would be incredible if he let me stay here- But who is he? "What's your name?"

"Liam. So. Are you staying?"

I think about it for a minute. I could stay. I could become his maid. Live here in secret until I'm forgotten. Maybe even have him send letters for me so my family -and Jack- know I'm alright. That would be much later though. But... What if I get stuck here forever? No, he wouldn't let me stay that long. I would have to leave eventually. For a while though I wouldn't have to go hungry, I wouldn't have to worry about being killed, I would just... Live here. Being caught would mean losing our tongues, being imprisoned, and any number of terrible things.

If I leave it's back to running. To conserving food. What sort of life is that? Well, it's one away from the Capitol, if I make it. If I don't, then it's much more simple. I die. There's hope of a real life, though. Outside Panem. There would be no running, no hiding. I would be free. Happy.

I look at Liam and he stares back. I want to tell him that I'll stay. I really do. But I can't. I can't live here. I can't let the Capitol control my life any more. If I could, I would stop them from controlling anyone's. If I make it I'll give others hope, right? And my family will know I've made it because no one will find a body. They'll all say I got away and be happy that one of us made it away. They'll be happy I didn't have to go to the Games. I'll be even happier.

"Megan, you're still soaking. If you don't get dressed you'll catch a cold."

"I thought you wanted me to decide?" I ask blankly. "That's all I'm trying to do."

"You can stay for the day at least." He sighs, looking away from me, "It isn't a good idea for you to be out while it's light."

His fingers play with my hair for a moment and I watch as his eyes both light up and sadden. "I don't understand you. Are you helping me or not?"

"I am. But only because you remind me of someone I knew." his hand rests on my shoulder but he still won't meet my eyes. "Someone I loved. I know you're not her, it's kind of obvious, but you look really similar. You sometimes have that spark that she had, too. I miss her a lot..." he trails off and finally looks up into my eyes.

"Oh. I- Umm..."

"Don't worry about it. Get dry, get dressed. You're probably tired so I'll make one of the beds and-"

"I don't want to be a bother. I've already-"

"Just shut up and do it, alright?" Liam stands and, with one quick glance at me, shuts the door behind himself.

I decide not to take my time. Though I have a place to settle in for the entire day, it's not a good idea to become too comfortable. I need to be alert and ready for anything. I trust Liam, in an odd way, but I did just meet him.

When I walk out the door he's leaning against the wall opposite the bathroom. He holds out his hand. When I don't make a move he rolls his eyes, "Your clothes. I'll wash them for you."

"M-maybe I should-"

"I know how to do laundry, Megan. The clothes you put on... Are they clean?" he scrunches up his nose for a moment and I bristle. What the hell does he think? That I have an endless supply of clean clothes? He shakes his head, "I'll get you something else to wear-"

"It's fine, they're not really-"

"Stop refusing me. I'm trying to help, remember? Go wait in the room-" he points to his right, at a door not far away, "while I do what I've offered."

I start to just stare at him again then back up into the bathroom, shutting the door softly. Wrapping the towel around me, I put the two pairs of clothes I had in the trash bag and push them out the door to him. Taking my backpack, I thank him quickly before hurrying into the bedroom he'd indicated. Like he'd said, there were clean(ish) sheets on the bed. I climb on top of it, discarding the damp towel and letting the thin top sheet cover my body. It was more comfort than I'd expected to have on my journey, and it honestly isn't too comfortable at all. The mattress is lumpy, the sheets are scratchy, and my mind won't let me rest.

Thankfully it isn't long before Liam knocks on the door. Without waiting for a response, he opens the door and walks in, carrying a bundle of light-colored clothes. "Sweat pants, sweat shirt. That alright?" he raises an eyebrow.

Hugging the sheet close I answer, "Yeah. That's great, actually. Thank you" He throws the clothes at me and turns his head away to lean against the door frame. I wait for him to move or say something else but he doesn't. "Umm, are you just going to-"

"Just get dressed, I'm not going to look!" he orders. Hesitantly, I do as he says. Standing up, I hold the sheet over me before I grab the pants and put them on. I'm sure he won't do anything. If he was going to, he would have already made a move on me. I was naked on a bed for crying out loud! He's obviously not as perverted as he seemed. As I slip the shirt on I wonder if the first impression was just because he was thinking about that girl he was in love with.

"What was her name?" I ask. After a moment I realize it was a stupid question. He wouldn't know who I was talking about.

Apparently, Liam was thinking about the same person, "Stephanie. I used to call her Steph. She hated it but I couldn't handle calling her Stephanie all the time. I wanted to call her by something more familiar."

"You really loved her, huh? That look on your face."

"Like you've ever seen a look like this." His words are nearly spat out and he glares at me. "If the one you loved really loved you back, you wouldn't have run away. You would have been frozen on the spot when they called your name. You would have cried, you would have screamed, but you wouldn't run away. And you would say goodbye like lovers do. Then you would cry even harder once it sinks in that he's watching as you're being thrown to the dogs. And with your dyeing breath, let's face it no one can beat the careers, you would whisper one last time that you love him. And you would apologise for not making it back like you promised you would." For a few moments he breathes hard. A tear falls from his eye and he covers his mouth with a hand before turning away again.

I realize he's talking about her. About Stephanie. And I can't imagine, even with him right in front of me, how he could possibly be feeling. How it could have felt to go through all of that. I want to tell him I'm different, that I'll make it- But that doesn't make any sense. I should tell him I'm sorry. That's what people do, right? That's what everyone did when I lost my parents. But it's not enough- it's nothing! And he's right. I'll never know what it's like to be loved back. I try to focus on being angry about that, but it just keeps slipping away from me.

So I walk over to him and put a hand on his arm. I don't know if it will help. It probably won't. But I have to try something. It's all I can do. I can't say anything. Words just won't come to me. At least, nothing worth saying.

"I really miss her" he admits again, on the verge of crying. He turns and rests his head against my shoulder, "I really, really..." A soft sob escapes him.

I wrap my arms around him, hoping that a hug will help. I don't know if it does or not but instead of another sob there's a short, half-hearted laugh. I ignore it and keep hugging him, hoping he'll either cheer up or give in and let me comfort him.

After several moments he pushes my arms away, "You should get some rest. I've started the laundry so-"

"Come rest with me." I hold his face in my hands and look at his red-rimmed eyes and the wet trail his tears had left on his cheeks. "Just for a bit. Nothing more than resting" I add, smiling a bit.

He smiles back and nods, "You're not as pretty as she was, anyway. No matter how alike you are, she's so much prettier."

"I know. I'm quite plain, really." After a moment I say, "I wish I could have met her. She must have been amazing."

"A better version of you." His smile fades slightly and he amends, "That was mean. Wrong. I shouldn't have said that, I'm sor-"

"No, I believe you. Now come on, let's lay down. I'm really tired." I almost whine to get my point across. He smiles again and walks past me into the room. He doesn't bother with the fallen top sheet and just rests his head against the single pillow in the middle of the mattress. "Great, take the only pillow" I joke as I walk over to the left side and grab the sheet.

"We can share it" his eyes are already closed. I slip onto the mattress and he pulls me close with his arm around me and my head against his chest. He then pulls the sheet from my hand and puts it over the both of us. It's not very comfortable but I let it be. Somehow he notices and helps me readjust. We find a spot that's more comfortable for both of us and just lay there silently.

If nothing else maybe he can imagine that he's laying beside Stephanie one last time. And as we're laying there I realize I'm starting to think about it too much. I start crying against him and instead of pushing me away or telling me to stop, he just pulls me closer. I don't dare to look at him but I can tell by his sniffling and the quick rise and fall of his chest that he's crying, too.

I don't know when I fell asleep, and I don't know when I woke up. I remember that I'd dreamt of Stephanie- or of myself but with her story. And of Jack in Liams place. It's heartbreaking, and I almost start crying all over again before I notice that he's not beside me. Liam has gone and I have a few moments to calm and distance myself. I can't stay. He'll become dependent on me always being here and I can't have that. I can't let him think I'll be any more than who I am. Me. Megan. Not her, not a memory of her, and most certainly not a replacement.

I also notice my backpack is not where I left it. It's not that I think anything bad about it, but it's weird that he would take it away from me. Hoping I'd made the right decision in trusting him, I make my way downstairs. If even one thing is missing from that bag, it could eventually mean the end for me. Just like everything else. I find him in the kitchen, the backpack sitting closed on a counter.

He spots me and pauses with an apple halfway to his mouth, "Hey, don't give me a face like that. I went shopping and thought you might want some more food. Simple stuff, sandwiches and crackers..." He smiles at me and it's so odd that he would look at me like that.

"So you're going to let me leave? Just like that?"

"Honestly, I'm still hoping you'll stay." He's had a definite change of heart about it.

"I'm leaving." I tell him with finality. His face falls and I almost feel bad about it. "Thank you. For helping me. For letting me rest here, for not turning me in- Just, for everything. I think I should get going though-"

"I told you it's best if you stay for the day." His expression is blank and he takes another bite of the red apple. "Get moving when it's dark. You can have dinner with me and- What's that look? Hey, I'm letting you go. I'm not going to tell you to stay. I just want you to have a good chance."

"Thank you. But you know as well as I do that I don't have a chance."

"No. I don't. And neither do you. You can make it. You've made it this far, right?"

I wish I could believe him. Throughout the day we plan. And plan. And keep planning until I no longer wonder why I hadn't taken the time to do it sooner. Nothing ever worked. There was always flaws. And it just stole my confidence. Having Liam with me helped so much. He had a map of the town, he had a compass that he was going to lend to me, and he had a way for me to get away without being seen.

When we sit down for a dinner of some sort of pasta and bread, I wonder how I can thank him. It isn't enough just to say it a hundred times, like I have. It wasn't enough that I tried to comfort him. I won't make any promises, for one. Not like Stephanie did... But I've made him promise not to watch the games if I get caught. I wish I could take him with me. To not be alone, to not leave him alone, and just because I know I'm going to need his help again. I'm not going to find anyone like him no matter how far I run.

"The light's fading" he points out, breaking the silence we'd been sitting in. The dishes are washed, I have my own clothes on again, my bag is packed, but I'm not ready to say goodbye. "You should get going before it's too dark out. You really want to be able to see when you make it into the woods."

Was that supposed to be a joke? I can't tell by his tone so I look into his eyes and smile at him, "Yeah, you're right." I don't move, and neither does he.

"Are you sure you'll be alright out there?"

"No." I answer truthfully. "But I have to try, right. I've come this far, I can make it a little farther. I'll send you a postcard from the beyond" I trail off, hoping he would laugh. He doesn't and I sigh, putting my head in my hands over the table.

"I know we just met but... You being so much like Steph made me open up to you. You being you made me want you to stick around. The image thing bothers me a bit, but I'll get over it. Her eyes were a lighter blue and had grey flecks. Her hair was lighter, too. Everything was lighter about her. That's not a great thing to say, is it?"

"I believe you. I've been told a few times that shadows kind of... like to hang around me. My eyes are permanently darkened by them; whatever that means." I lift my head up and point to my eyes.

He leans over to examine them and nods, "I never noticed before."

"You weren't really focused on me" I deadpan. He nods again. "Sorry. I would like to stay. Sort of. But-"

"Yeah, yeah. Get out." he smiles, "And never come back. Live, but don't come back."

I smile, "I'm not giving up. Neither are you. Stop with the sads, clean up this beautiful home, and get a damn life!"

"You're weird when you curse"

"I know. It feels weird."

"Okay, really, get out of here. Before I start crying again." He stands up and grabs my backpack. I follow him to the back door and when he opens it I lean against the doorframe and look out into the over grown back yard. "I'll hire someone to deal with that for me."

I look at him. He's staring past me with a frown. "Mm. Do that. It's what I would do. Believe it or not, I'm lazy too."

"You?" he scoffs, "A lazy person would lay down and die. You're strong, Meg. You can make it. I'll be here rooting for you."

"Thanks." We watch each other for a few moments. He hands me my bag and it's definitely heavier than it was before. I put it down and a flash of hope flashes across his eyes before fading into confusion.

"Is it too heavy?" I shake my head. Before I can chicken out I grab the front of his shirt and pull him against me. He stares at me and I close my eyes, my head tilted up. I start to wonder if he knows what I'm doing when finally his lips touch mine. It's not my first kiss, more like my second, and it's surprising how different it is than how I thought it would be. He's gentle, a bit restrained at first. Hesitant. As I kiss him back, it's like something sparks in him and his hands cup my face, my body held by his against the door frame. The kiss turns urgent and passionate. When a tear drips onto my face, I know he understood what I was giving him. One last kiss. The goodbye to Stephanie that he never got to give.

After a few minutes we break apart, his head slumping against my shoulder as his hands fall to his sides. We focus on catching our breath. Then he pulls me against him again, and his arms hold me in a tight embrace. "Goodbye."

We stand there and ignore the tears falling for a minute before he pushes away from me and wipes at his eyes, forcing a smile. I don't smile back, and I can't speak. I feel so many intense emotions and I can't- I just can't. I grab the backpack, kiss his cheek, and after he nods at me I turn away and walk down the stairs, along the path I'd made in the overgrowth earlier, and through the stubborn gate.

I realize immediately that I shouldn't have looked back at him. He's sitting on the stairs, his head in his hands, and rocking himself back and forth. His sobs are silent but I see as his shoulders rise and fall heavily. It hurts to turn away again. It hurts so much to shut that gate behind me. But I manage. Before I collapse like he did, I press forwards.


	5. Valley Of The Furry Things

It's not long before I really do need to stop for a long moment just to calm myself down. I could see myself loving Liam. Easily. With everything I'd learnt about him in one day; I wanted to. To know that such an important person to him was taken away like that- Who couldn't feel for him? And to think there were hundreds of stories just like it. It was cruel. What the Capitol does; it's just inhumane. And no one can escape being affected by it.

"Not even me" I sniffle as I stand from the small bench I'd found. I won't let it happen though. I'll fight. For myself, for Jack, my family, Liam... Even for Stephanie. If I let him be hurt like that again, I know she'll never forgive me. And I don't want to think about how broken he would be after going through the same loss twice. I'll fight. And I won't stop fighting.

But then it doesn't matter anymore. I've been spotted and it's all over if I can't escape. I'm running, hard and fast, and I don't stop running. There are lights behind me as I run through alleyways. My mind goes to the map of the town and I know the choke point is up ahead. I have to go around, go through somewhere. I dash to the right, and a second before my mind reacts my body does and I leap on top of a garbage can to vault over a high fence. I barely catch myself before I fall straight down on the other side. I drop and keep running. I'm sure I knocked over the can so they'll either have to find another way or take the time to lift each other up.

I zigzag around buildings, keeping a close eye on the compass Liam had attached to the straps of the backpack. I need to go almost North-East out of the town to keep on track of where the shortest way to the Panem borders are. It will take almost two more days to reach it, and I should arrive at the border about the same time I was supposed to arrive in the Capitol. With the distance I have to go, I suddenly want to praise whoever had the genius idea to create wheels and motors and, basically, faster transportation.

I reach a strange housing area that's surrounded by large metal-chained fences. This isn't like the areas Victors have to choose to live in; the yards are cramped but the buildings are taller than the others in the area by at least two floors in most parts. Maybe it's not a house. Maybe it just looks homely. I skirt across a short front yard of grass and by the time I notice there are a few dim outdoor lights on it's too late to really turn back. I'm not sure if the peacekeepers are on my tail, all I can hear anymore is the pounding of my heart and the labouring of my breath. Then the roar of a helicarrier high up, but still a ways off.

I stick to the edge of one building and end up in a narrow side-path. It's not comforting in the least feeling like I'm being crushed between two masses of walls. Again. These walls are higher, though. And nothing like I was accustomed to back at home. The exterior of these are much rougher and I dare not guide myself along in case the stone decides to bite back.

At the end of the building I peer out at the back yard. It's not much larger than the front and in a few long strides I reach it, staring up at the metal chains. I have to climb it. There are no gates and I can hear the shouting of a peacekeeper group. Everything is so loud, and then I stare at the top of the fence and everything goes quiet. I focus. I lift a hand up and hold strong with it before lifting another, giving myself a boost to put my first foot up higher. The other foot follows, the ends of my shoes barely fitting through the links. I lift myself again and again.

At the top, I sit for a moment and stare at the next step I have to take; the descent. It's at least ten feet, I don't know. I'm not concerned about the height. I'm concerned about the lights I see from the corner of my eye between the buildings I'd just passed through. I need to climb down. If I jump I'll hurt myself. If I climb I have a chance to at least keep running as soon as I'm on solid ground again.

So I bring one foot down, holding tightly onto the bar at the top of the fence to steady myself. My other leg rolls over the bar and joins the other as I slowly begin climbing down. Only a few small steps down I hear another shout and look up to see if they've found me. In a second my mind is forced to register multiple things. They haven't seen me; they still haven't made it past the building The helicarrier is a lot closer than I thought. I've slipped.

I force myself to land on my shoulder, not wanting to crush anything in the backpack. It's painful, it knocks the breath out of me, and I have the feeling it won't be the last time I fall from higher up than I would like to. Falling at all is something to avoid. But all of that isn't what causes me to bite my lip harshly to keep from calling out. It's my right ankle, and I think I've twisted it.

The helicarrier is getting even closer to my location, and so are the peacekeepers. Behind me, away from the town, is more forest. Not a large one, Liam had told me. But enough that it's easy to get lost. The trees are overgrown and there won't be much sunlight getting through. It was the main reason he gave me the compass. I stand shakily, using the fence. "This is going to suck"

As the lights from the peacekeepers creep dangerously close to my position, my hand leaves the fence and I move on, gritting my teeth against the pain. I push off of trees, climb to stand again when I stumble, and promise myself that I'll stop when I can and take some painkillers. No matter how they might affect my focus, I need them. I wasn't entirely sure that they would do that, anyway. When I'd taken one for my headache, it had dulled the pain and that seemed to be it. I had still been focused enough to make it out of the city, that must mean something.

If the peacekeepers follow me into the forest, I don't know it. I don't see the lights, I don't hear them shouting, I can't even hear the helicarrier. There are trees and nothing more. That's what I tell myself until I find a mossy bed to lie on. I sob, cry out as I feel around my ankle, and pop two painkillers into my mouth. It's not broken. Obviously, since I can still use it. It's good to know for sure that there are no bones poking out though.

It's so dark under the many thick branches I think about taking my flashlight out. I've mostly been moving with feel, not caring which direction I was going. But it wouldn't be worth moving on if I started going the wrong way. I take the flashlight, shine it at the compass, and stare off in the direction that I need to go. I decide to keep the flashlight with me.

As soon as the painkillers start working, and the bandages are wrapped tightly around my foot and ankle, I take a deep breath, curse awkwardly, and push up from the moss. I want to break down and cry. I want to go back to Liam and let him hold me. I want to eat the last two cream puffs. I'd shared them with him, telling him about papa Frost. I never once mentioned Jack, though. Other than saying I was in love with someone, of course.

I simply keep going, my mind elsewhere until I check the compass. I'm always heading the right way, I just need a quick distraction. But I'm almost out of water again and I feel like I'm going to pass out. I don't know if I can make it anymore. With my ankle like this... It's wearing on me. If I stop to rest for too long I won't wake up until morning at least. Just a bit farther... Just a bit more distance... I can make it. Out of the woods, through whatever else, and past the border. Then wherever the land takes me. It would be nice if I found a small village in the side of a mountain with a hot springs. Yes, I would like that.

It's still dark when I reach the end of the forest. At some point I must have gone down a hill; I'm in a valley complete with small rivers -I fill my water bottle first chance-, a few patches of small trees, other plant life, and small animals that have no idea what a human is and thinks they're friendly. At least I can see ahead of me again. The entire valley is lit by the moon and the stars, making everything glow beautifully. Even the rock faces surrounding the natural indent shine and I almost wonder if they're made of some sort of gem. It's probably just wet stone though so I look away.

A small, long bodied rodent type creature comes up to me and I carefully let myself down to the ground to pet it's head softly. It runs away shortly and I look around in a panic in case there was something predatory stalking us. But there's nothing and I figure it just decided not to like me.

The valley goes on for a long while and eventually it starts turning away from the direction I was trying to go. Stopping at a deeper part of one of the rivers, I prepare myself while I decide if it's worth going along to see if it ever turns back the way I need to be heading. I brush my teeth, splash most of the sweat away from my body, finger-brush my hair out, readjust the bandages, fill the water bottle once more, take another couple of painkillers -how long has it been, anyway? Oh well.

The animal comes back with some friends as I take a bite of one of the small sandwiches Liam had made me. I worry that they're going to hound me for some but they just sit around, some of them jumping into the river to swim around. I don't feed them anything, though I feel bad about eating in front of them. With all the plant life around I assume they're well fed anyway. I think they're vegetarians. They haven't taken advantage of a large, hobbling, chunk of meat. Not that there's much on my bones. And there'll be even less in a few days. I can't even think of where I would be in a week.

"What are you?" I ask one that had crawled into my lap. I really hope it doesn't have fleas or ticks or whatever it is wild animals get. Judging by the aggressively bathing few, I doubt they have much of anything living in their fur. Still, I don't know what they are. Cute noses, varying tail lengths -the one in my lap has a stump of a tail-, and little ears. "I'm going to call you a... Gale." I laugh and it huffs indifferently. "Yeah, you're definitely a Gale." As pleasant as the moment was, they eventually all start to leave. They seem to be happier apart than they are together. Like most families, they only come together for events. Like bathing, apparently. Or greeting a guest.

One of them calls to another from not far away and they surround a plant that's poking out of the ground beside the river. It has pretty, light petals, and its roots are apparently tough to pull out. I crawl over, upsetting the Gale in my lap, and examine it. The two look up at me and others gather around. Suddenly feeling the pressure I feel around the base of the plant. Yeah, it's not coming up without a fight. I start digging around it and the first two Gales help me out. When enough dirt is gone, I grip as many of the roots as I can and tug. And tug. Finally, when I was about to switch tactics, the roots snap out of the ground, with most of them staying intact. I pass it over to the Gale that had called for help and it thanks me by rubbing its snout against my hand before accepting the plant and running away with it. "You're welcome!" I smile after it. I wash the dirt off in the river and crawl back over to the backpack.

I assume it's okay to just leave them where they are; none of them seem too concerned when their friends and family just walk away. So I say goodbye to my friends, upsetting only the first one I'd met, whom I've nicknamed Hunter -another joke about Gale that has me laughing-, and take up my backpack again. Standing up is a bit difficult, but I make it. Hunter follows me as I approach the rock face and we stare up at it. It's climbable, sure. If you have two useable feet and energy enough.

"This is the direction I have to go. The valley heads off elsewhere" I look to Hunter, "Does it turn East again?" He huffs and I take that as a no. "Does it end soon?" Another huff. I look up. "Think I can climb it?" He rubs against my good leg, my left, and I definitely take that as a yes. Good to know Gale supports me. This one does, anyway.

"Okay, I'm going!" Before my hand reaches the rock I feel a tug on my pant leg. Looking down, I see Hunter tilt his head at me. "Well, where would you climb up?" Surprisingly, he leads me to the left a ways. He stops and huffs again. This part does look a bit easier. It's less vertical, for one. And there's also been a few rock slides so there is an indent in the rock and-

"Hey, do you know English?" I ask Hunter. "I feel like you actually know what I'm saying?" He huffs and I can't decide if I believe him. Much be some instinct thing.

I step up a few rocks, then end up almost on my hands and knees the whole way up. It's painful on my ankle, it's dusty, loose rocks slip under my feet and fall towards Hunter and his curious family, but it doesn't take as long as I thought it would. At the top, I collapse. Yeah, my muscles are starting to bite back. I wait through small spasms, hearing the Gales far below calling for me. Well, I assume that's what they're doing. Without a second thought I call back, "I'm okay!" My voice breaks and I almost laugh about it, "I made it!" The noises stop and I guess they've all left again. When I can, I turn my body around and look down to where they had been. Hunter is still there but I can barely hear his huff. "I'll miss you too, Hunter! A lot! Thank you!" He turns and trots away, and I do the same. Though my movements are better described as a hobble, limp, or stumbling advancement.

Before getting too far I look back at the valley and see that, yes, it goes on for a while longer. It also keeps North and starts leaning more west. I'm glad I didn't keep going that way. Quickly, I check the compass. Yes, I could use the moon to navigate but what's the fun in that? I have a compass now and I plan to use it.

Since leaving the forest I left the flashlight in the bag. For as far as I can see, there are no more large forests to go through. More walking. Walking, stumbling. Then running as I see a helicarrier in the distance behind me. Running, falling, sliding, hiding in overgrowth as it passes by slowly. It's searching the area. I think absently how cool it would be to hijack one of those things.

Before leaving my hiding spot, I find another one that I can get to. I plot out three and then my field of vision doesn't let me find any others. My heartbeat calms, my breathing isn't as laboured, and the aching in my ankle numbs again. I press on. Again. I would be bored if I weren't so afraid. Sticking close to the hiding spots, I practically follow the helicarrier. It was headed the same way, basically. They must know I'm heading East. Not that it would be difficult to figure out.

"You're not going to catch me" I taunt as the helicarrier gets farther and farther away. Finally I can't see any lights from it. I'm moving a lot slower and taking a lot more breaks than I would like, but I'm still moving. East. Towards the border. Where a helicarrier is probably now waiting for me. "Well, I won't be much use in the games. I definitely won't be entertaining to watch!"


	6. Why Are These Cards Falling

By the time the sun is high in the sky I don't want to move. If I even can. I've found a hole in the ground to hide in while I recover. It's not pleasant. I can't make it like this. I can't walk for another full day. Not with this ankle, these muscles, and the need to simply give up. I want to stop. And cry. And scream, and throw a tantrum. But I can't move, either because of physical failure or psychological. Likely both. I feel weak.

Water. That's what I think about. That's all I think about. The sun is too hot, and I'm too thirsty. It's something to focus on. I can leave the hole and go on a search. Maybe find a puddle. Or a cactus. I remember Jack told me once that there's juice in a cactus. I don't know why he told me that, and there wouldn't be any cacti in the area. Up on the surface there are green things, not desert-yellow things. I won't find a cactus.

An hour or so later I'm focusing on not drying out. A lot of swallowing, swishing saliva around, and licking my lips. I have to move soon, though. The rays from the sun are starting to infiltrate my hole. There's no difference to being out there and being in here; though being in here is probably worse. There's lighter air out there and I won't constantly be fearing that there's a bug in my hair. The down side to being out there is the walking. The use of energy, my ankle, the helicarrier that I'm still waiting to see come back.

There's water out there somewhere, I tell myself. I slowly lift myself up with my elbows. Taking the backpack from where it rested as my pillow, I grab the last two cream puffs and eat them. The sugar barely registers in my mind no matter how much I roll each pastry around in my mouth. They had tasted better back when I ate some with Liam. I'll keep that memory with me instead of this one.

Climbing out of the hole, I grab my jacket from where it was tied around my waist and tie it over my head. Direct sunlight is a thing to avoid. I continue stumbling along the grassy landscape, only changing directions for short times to check for sources of water around small hills and things. There's nothing for a long time and it's awful. I'm tired, everything hurts, and I think I'm starting to lose my mind. If I start hallucinating I won't be surprised. I'm sweaty, my ankle is painfully swollen. I'm nauseous. I still have one more sandwich and then a roll of crackers. Thank you, Liam! Thank you so so much. I could never thank you enough even if I had stayed with you and became your maid! I ignore the voice telling me that even my short stay had likely done more bad than good.

It's early evening when I come across a meadow filled with long grasses and light-colored flowers. I smile and walk a short ways into it before laying down, tossing the backpack just out of reach. I know I shouldn't but it's such a wonderful sight I can't help myself. I stare up at the clouds and stretch my fingers out beside me, imagining that Jack's hand will soon find mine. Spotting a random shape I laugh and think of how he would call it a snowflake. Maybe even compare it to me again, saying how unique and beautiful I am. "I love you, Jack."

I blush a deep red. I've never said it out loud like that before. It's a new feeling, but it's such a familiar truth. I love him. I miss him. I want to find my way back to him. If I'm caught, maybe I won't mind too much. He'll see me, know I'm alive. I'll win the games and be celebrated. Hey, maybe I'll even gain enough confidence after all of this and as soon as I see him I'll just- I'll wrap my arms around him, kiss him, and tell him exactly how long I've been in love with him. He's not the type that he would feel pressured by my success. If he wants to reject me, he will. And I'll let him. I'll be crushed, heartbroken, but I'll cheer him on while he pursues Gwen or whoever it is that's really captured his attention. I'm jealous of whoever it is.

For now, I just let my imagination run wild as I lay in the meadow. The sun is too bright though and I close my eyes. So much for watching the clouds. But I still have his face clear in my mind. His blue eyes, his snow-colored hair. He's wearing that blue hoody of his and he's smiling like he always does. He's smiling at me. I, of course, smile right back.

I do nothing for a long while. I really should stop wasting time like this. Especially out in the open. When I realize it's raining I break out in a grin and nearly jump to my feet to cheer. I open my water bottle to catch as much as it can and open my mouth wide for even more. I don't know how it's possible but the rain water is far more delicious than the cream puffs had been. And it feels so great against my hot skin. I throw the jacket away from my head and even shed the long-sleeve shirt I'd been wearing. It wasn't too thick and it protected me from the sun. In just my sports bra the rain washes across my skin coolly. I sigh several times just spinning around under the rain. It's awkward and painful on my ankle but, as always, I manage it simply because it's better to be moving than to lay down and let things happen around me without a fight or without experiencing the good parts.

And eventually I think I can move on. I tie my jacket around my waist and the shirt around the backpack's handle. The bottle is filled and I put it in the side pocket. The meadow starts to get muddy. Really muddy. My shoes stick to the ground, get caught in holes I had no idea were there. I almost feel bad for the flowers that get caught under my feet. They're like weeds though and have grown wildly over the area. As I keep walking, there is still no end to them. I can see them far ahead of me, even through the rain. The colors no longer impress me, and the rain is weighing them down anyway; I can't see them that clearly anymore.

It rains through the night. The meadow eventually ended and I found myself in barer grasslands. Is this what it's like beyond the border? For miles and miles, is it all just bare? No, it would be like Panem. Different areas filled with different things. Mountains, lakes, meadows, basically anything. How could the world outside be different from here? That wouldn't make any sense.

I slept under a lone tree, only getting a couple of hours worth, my jacket over my face for protection from the rain. And I think I can make it to the border. I have the energy. But instead of taking two days from Liam's, by noon on the second, I know it's not a possibility. First, that estimate was from when I could walk properly. If we had factored this in, it might be another two days. With all the breaks I have to take, it's a likely possibility.

I pass by another lone tree and lean against it. My head is pounding and with every step I'm about to fall over. I've already taken some pain killers but my body must be forming some sort of immunity to them because every time I take more it works less. I almost slump against the tree but as I feel my consciousness fading I push away and keep moving.

With the hot sun out again I have my shirt back on and the hood of the jacket over my head. I had started to tie it but my arms gave up and I lost the motivation to go that extra mile. I prefered it when it was raining. I had no fear of running out of water. I had no fear of burning up in the sun. It was a great cover, too. If any helicarriers had gone by they never would have seen me before I managed to find a hiding spot.

What few birds I've seen have come and gone quickly. When I was in the meadow a few had shyly stayed hidden in the tall grass. There hadn't been any more Gales, either. I would look around to see if there were still some around, but the movement could make the world tilt and I'll fall. Again. I've gotten a few more scratches but the bruises are fading. There hadn't been as many as I thought anyway.

I'm sure it's an illusion when I first see it. A shack, in the middle of nowhere. And a well. I stumble trying to hurry over to it but keep going. I'm sure, as I finally reach it, that it's real. I pick up a small rock and drop it in. Yes! There's water down there! Putting my backpack down, I pick up the old bucket and ease it down with the rope and the crank. Then up again, much slower. My muscles really hate me. "Sorry. But you know what you signed up for when you started running from the Capitol. Yes, that's right. I blame you. It wasn't me. I had no idea what you were doing. You've screwed us both, thanks."

I fill the water bottle first. Then my mouth. And my mouth again. I drink until the bucket is empty and almost decide to get more. Instead, I pick up my bag and walk into the shack. It's probably a trap, I tell myself. "I won't stay long."

And I don't. I check the bandages, change into the cleaner set of clothes, rub at the most aching of my muscles -which is a mistake and only makes them hurt more. I eat some crackers. They're not that tasty, but I guess Liam planned for them to be more nutritious than delicious. Just like the couple of sandwiches he'd made me. Either that or he just has dead taste buds. Judging by his lame reaction to the cream puffs that must be it.

I have a new determination to survive. To make it to the border. With all this luck I've been getting, I know I have a chance. I'll make it past the border. I won't have to fear the Capitol any more. Or the games. There will be no more stories like Liams. Only some like my parent's where bad things happened to good people in normal ways like animal attacks. I'll be free. Happy. I'll fall in love eventually and he won't have any reservations. We'll go on dates, he'll hold my hand because he loves me. We'll marry and, though I'll never forget Jack or my family, "I'll live like I'd never gone through this bullshit."

Okay, that's why I don't curse. That was too weird coming from my mouth.

Not an hour after leaving the shack, I collapse onto the ground. Everything is dizzy. It's all tilting and stretching. I think I get up immediately, but that can't be it because there's a helicarrier in front of me. It's up in the air and just hovering. I don't panic. I don't run. I wait.

A voice comes through its speakers, undeniably male and undeniably pissed off. "Megan Theia. Give up now. We will take you to the Capitol and make certain you are cared for."

"Yeah, then you'll throw me in an arena and cheer for me to die! You'll make my friends, my family watch as I'm killed on live TV! With a blade, a stick, or just torn to shreds by one of your mutts! Fuck off!" That one felt good.

"I see you will not come peacefully-"

"You're damn right!"

"But you will come willingly." Something threatening in his voice stops me. He'd been a threat this entire time but now he's not threatening me. But what-

"Megan!" Jack's scream cuts through the air. He's terrified. "Megan, please! Keep run-"

"As you can hear..." The other voice comes back, "You don't have much of a choice in the matter. A little birdy told me of your feelings for him. And of course he knows them now, too. Quite the shocked face when he found out." he laughs.

I sink to my knees again, grasping at the earth. "No..." The Capitol can't be that cruel. They can't hurt Jack just because of me. I flinch as, just to prove me wrong, Jack's yell echoes from the speakers. It can't be him. He can't be there. This is a trick. But how can I be sure.

"Choose. Now."

Not long ago I had the will to fight. I was pushing farther than I could. I was going to make it. I had the chance at a life beyond all of this. What do I do now? I can't run. I can barely crawl but that isn't the point. They've found me. They've caught me. And they have Jack.

"I'll go with you" I say, defeated. "But tell me. How far did I get?"

"Farther than anyone else has. Farther than your parents did." My head snaps up. Does he know what happened to them? Were they trying for the border just like I was? No, of course not. They didn't go the same way I did. They had nothing to run from. He must just be trying to hit a nerve. They didn't make it out of the woods and he knows it. Well, he got what he was aiming for.

"Don't you dare talk about my parents. And that wasn't an answer!"

"It was, technically." He laughs again. "Now stop crying. You've been struggling this entire time and now you can relax. Just- hold on tight."

A rope drops from the helicarrier and it pisses me off that I have to walk all the way over to it. But I stand up, grit my teeth, and walk as strongly as I can towards it. As soon as my hands touch it, they lock in place and I'm pulled up. Inside, I'm in the dark for several minutes, still unable to move from the rope. When someone does come in, they have a stretcher and I'm lifted onto it. I can tell that they're peacekeepers.

"I want to see him..." No one responds and I think I've said it too softly. My voice wasn't strong enough. I think I'm crying, too. But all sensation has left me. I don't even feel the needle as it pokes into my neck or the world as it slips away from me.


	7. Why Does Everyone Want A Cheese Bun

I wake up in a plainly decorated room. I think I'm on one of the trains now. What I notice first is that there's no pain. What I notice second is that I'm not being restrained. I can see through a small window in a door to the left of the stretcher and there's a guard. As he turns to check on me, his eyes meet mine. It's Caelus. The peacekeeper from the markets.

He doesn't smile as he walks in but leans close to my ear, "I am so proud of you, Meg. You made it really far- and on that ankle no less. The swelling is mostly gone now but you'll be given crutches. You're lucky to only have a few scratches and the pneumonia has been contained. Yeah, I bet you didn't even know you were sick. Adrenaline does that. Exhaustion, too. Sleep deprivation-"

"What about Jack?" I cut him off. I don't want to hear about the state I was in. I know. But what about him? Is he even really here?

"He's fine, Meg." his breath tickles my ear and I resist the urge to push him away. He leans back and I see his familiar face and then I have to resist the urge to pull him close. His strong features still make me feel protected even though I know I'm his prisoner now. "You'll get to see him soon. I am so sorry."

"It's alright." I tell him, and he helps me sit up. "I did the best I could. It's my failure and-" I sigh. "Can I cry?"

"No. Not yet."

"What are they going to do with him?"

"I don't know. As long as you're here; so is he. And I don't think they've hurt him physically, but they must have done something to make him yell like that."

My head in my hands, I shake my head and will the tears away. Caelus is right. I can't cry yet. "I want to see him. Now."

After he checks me over, reports to his superiors, and finds me something to wear other than the thin gown I'd been dressed in, Caelus finally leads me out of the small room. Far down a the length of the train, after we pass a few of the train cars, he stops me in front of a door. The peacekeeper guarding it nods at us and steps out of the way. There is no little window. It must be a private room. If it were a cell there would be a way to see inside to the prisoner. Jack is a prisoner, right?

Caelus knocks and my heart starts racing. I tighten my grip on the crutch under my right arm. Everything I thought I would say to him leaves my mind as I hear movement from inside. Everything I'd gone through is nothing. There's just me and the guy behind the door. I ready myself for the worst. Just because Caelus had told me that he hadn't been beaten doesn't mean that's true. The handle turns and I take a deep breath.

The door inches open then as blue eyes meet mine it opens the whole way. "Megan!" He reaches out and helps me inside. In the right corner there's a bed and he helps me sit on it. The room is otherwise undecorated.

"I'll be right outside" Caelus reminds, "If either of you need anything just let me know." Neither of us reply and he shuts the door.

"Megan!" Jack sits on my right and embraces me, "I don't know if I should be happy to see you or not! You were going to make it and I ruined that-"

"Jack." I say softly. My eyes fill with tears and I hold onto him tightly, "Jack, I missed you. This is my fault, I shouldn't have run!"

"I told you to run! Didn't you hear me yelling after you? You should have seen it, a whole bunch of us distracted the guards and kept them back!"

Shocked, I pull back. "You- Did anyone-"

"Nothing that got anyone arrested. Only questioned and detained for the standard hours." His eyes are rimmed with red, his face tired, and his hair isn't as fluffy. I've never seen him like this. "I was so happy that you'd gotten away- And afraid that something was going to happen to you! That it would be my fault for telling you to run- But to watch you in the games..."

He wipes a tear away from my face and his hand lingers on my cheek. I don't want to ask but I have to. "Jack, about what you heard me say-" His hand starts to slip away and I grab onto it to keep it there. "I should have told you myself. A long time ago-"

"I can't talk about this right now, Megan." His expression nearly goes blank and I want to slap him and cry harder. Why can't we talk about this now? In two weeks I'll probably be dead. Yes, now is the perfect time.

I realize something. "Why are you calling me Megan?" I sniffle, "You never call me Megan."

He pulls his hand away from my cheek and takes both my hands in his, "I don't want to talk about any of that. We need to work out a strategy. The games are all we should focus on right now-"

"Jack" my voice breaks, making him flinch, "Do you care about me at all? Do you care that this could be the last time we see each other? There is no way to strategize for the games, I have no idea what arena I'll be thrown into! And I've had enough time to think about it; I know what I'm going to do. I'm taking my chance and running to the cornucopia. But what I want to talk about is you. Us. Please, Jack." It comes out as a sob and I just notice him flinch again.

"I hate seeing you like this, Meg." At least that's back to normal. "Stop crying. Can you do that? For me?"

"That's not fair. I'm crying because of you."

"Stop. I will leave. I can't be around you while you're like this."

I take my hands from his and put them in my lap, turning away from him to stare at the floor. I don't know if he can leave, I don't know if he has that much freedom to even wander around the train, accompanied or not. "You don't care about me."

"I never said that."

"Then why won't you talk to me. About something other than the games. I don't care if you reject me. I need an answer from you."

"I'm not giving you one until we're safe at home. Meg, if I tell you now then what are you going to have to look forward to? This way you want to make it back. Just to find out what the answer is."

"Jack, I still want to live. No matter what; I am going to fight." I look at him and try to find something in his eyes. "And I'll always want to make it back to you."

"Then..." he concentrates for a moment. I want to hate him for trying to make excuses but something in the back of my mind is telling me it's for the best. It still hurts that he's pushing me away. "They'll use it against you. They'll use me against you even more than they already are. Or they'll find someone else- Please, Meg. Understand."

I want to curl up and not move until I'm forced into the arena. Then I still won't move. I'll stay on the platform and let them come to me. But that's not very productive. Forget Jack. I'll deal with him later. I have to get my fight back. I have to- to do something other than think about him and how much my heart is hurting. It literally aches and I have no idea what to do about it other than ignore it like all the other pain I've been through. I nod at him. He slumps for a moment, his eyes sliding shut.

Then his arms are around me again and his voice is in my ear, "You're going to win, Meg. Your mentor will help you as much as she can and- You're incredible. What you've already been through- The peacekeepers have only pieced some of it together from what they know. You've made it through a lot; you can make it through this."

"It's different, Jack." The tears have stopped falling and my throat is still rough, but my voice is a lot stronger than it had been. I pull back enough to see his face. "I will make it, and I will demand a proper answer from you about your feelings. Also, I'm going to brag about my riches daily and you're not allowed to complain. Got it?" I force myself to smile at him but when he smiles back it's a lot easier to hold.

"Got it. Can I ask one really stupid question that I know I shouldn't?"

"Yes. Ask away." He leans his head against my shoulder and I'm so glad I'm not covered in dirt and sweat anymore.

"If I reject you... When we go home... What will you do?" He holds onto me tightly so I can't pull back. I want to say we'll still be friends so there's nothing that will change. But I just can't, because that's not how it works. There'll be a crack in our friendship that nothing can repair. Not that he would try if he really did reject me.

"I'll... I don't know. Give you your space? Go back to that town I stumbled across. It seemed like a nice place, with nice people." I don't tell him about Liam. Someone could be listening in. "I don't think you'll worry about what I do at that point so-"

"I'll worry. You're my best friend, Meg. I care about you. You'll move on, right? Find someone else?"

"Jack, I don't know! I thought you didn't want to talk about all of this!"

"I don't."

We stay silent for several minutes and I almost start crying again. It is so good just to be near him again. I really love him. Whatever his answer turns out to be, I'll always love him. "I'm so glad your name wasn't called." I whisper as his fingers brush through my hair.

He pauses for a few moments then his hands still on my shoulders "I need to tell you, Meg. I'm really sorry about this. The person who was reaped after you-" he pauses to put his mouth right next to my ear again, his cheek against mine, "It was Gale."

I freeze. No, no, no! Not him. That idiot! That absolute idiot! Sure, I could have stayed positive and think that beating the careers was possible. But I can't go against Gale! I can't fight him! And if I make it to the last few tributes, I know he's going to be right there! He's a hunter, he knows how to make traps. He knows how to convince people into teaming up with him! I'm screwed, I'm screwed, I'm-

"Meg?" Jack pulls away and wipes another tear away from my face. "I'm sorry, Meg. I know you love him. I know this is going to be difficult for you. You'll get lucky though. Someone else will take him out and you won't have to!"

I sob, curling up against him, "No"

"Yes." He holds me close, "You have to make it no matter what. There can be only one winner, Meg. And it's going to be you. Promise me. Promise me you'll survive even him."

"I can't"

"You have to."

"I can't! I don't love him the same way I love you but he's part of my family! My parents and his- Oh, no! What are they going to do this is so awful!" My body shakes but I keep the tears back and try to calm down. It isn't working, but I can't stop trying. I'm a fighter. I have to fight. I have to-

"I know. But I don't care. They're not the ones going through this. You have to think about yourself, Meg. It's okay to be selfish this once. Forget them. You'll make it back and they'll be happy-"

"No, Gale will make it back if either of us can. Then they'll be happy because he's at least-"

"He is no better than you, don't you ever believe that" Jack growls, surprising me. Instead of pulling away I shrink more into him. "Dammit, Meg. What do I have to say to convince you that you're worth something?"

"You know what you would have to say but you're never going to say it-"

"I'm trying to help you right now and you're-"

"Yes! I am! Sorry for being such a girl Jack, but you must have realized by now that that's what I am-"

"I know you're a girl, and I know you're having a really tough time right now. Meg, snowflake, please believe me when I say you're special. You're strong. Beautiful. You ran away from the Capitol and made it so much farther than anyone else ever could. You can run from some stupid teenagers and you can fight them. You can win. You're unique, Meg. And you're so, so worth it."

"Did you just call me snowflake?" I sniffle. He's compared me to snowflakes but he's never actually nicknamed me as one.

"Yes. You're my snowflake, got it? And I want my snowflake to make it back home in one piece."

Idiot. "Snowflakes melt. They're small, weak, and get pushed around by the lightest breeze. I don't want to be a snowflake."

"...I guess you're right. Then you're a snowflake made of diamond. There. Even better. Even more like you." He does something I never expected him to; he kisses the top of my head. His lips linger there for a moment before pulling away, "Keep your chin up and don't let them see you cry. Make them fear you-"

"They already do" Caelus laughs from the open door. "Now can you stop crying, Meg? It's about time we get you something to eat."

I almost protest but Jack beats me to it, "She can eat here."

"That's not your decision. She has to come with me." He steps inside the room and reaches a hand towards me, but Jack steps in the way. I've never seen Jack glare before but he does now. Caelus stands tall, "Move or I will make you. There is no need for you to be protective, no one here is going to hurt her-"

"I am not letting her leave my side!"

Caelus steps up in Jack's face and I can tell neither is going to back down. I'm sure the peacekeepers have permission to detain either of us and even hurt Jack if we get out of hand. I stand up, unsteadily, and place the crutch under my right arm again. "Can we just go? I'm hungry. And I think you owe me a cheese bun, Caelus." I smile as he looks at me. He smiles back, remembering the bet he lost a week ago. It turns mocking as he looks at Jack.

"Just bring her back later."

"Still not your decision."

"Let's go!" I whine, and push past them both. Out in the hall, after the door shuts behind us, I turn on Caelus, "Do you really have to be so-"

"Yes. It's my job. Now, about that cheese bun..."


	8. I Bet You She Never Gets That Cheese Bun

There were no cheese buns but Caelus told me he would sneak me one later when I reach the training center. But I don't want to think about that. I'm late already; I've missed the parade, for sure. I'm not too upset about that. But by the time we make it to the Capitol, I will have lost one day of training, too. I don't know how we'll even make it there that soon. If I was always going to be caught then at least I have the other two training days to prepare myself. But I need to figure out which I'll be more interested in. Survival or sharp things. Survival, definitely. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to kill anyone and have their families curse my name. If I even get far enough to be confronted. Running for the cornucopia is likely to get me cut down. No amount of fight will help me then.

Caelus shows me to a room that's much more inviting. A large bed on the left wall, a television over a dresser on the right. Next to that is a door that leads to the bathroom. Almost immediately, I hobble over to the bed and collapse, letting the crutch drop to the floor. All of the window covers have been shut, not allowing me to see outside at any point along the train. But I don't care! I've seen food, desserts, drinks. Whatever I want. The green decorated room is so comfortable I'm already thinking of falling asleep.

Caelus drops onto the end of the bed and I ask, "If you go... Will they give me another guard?"

"Probably. I've never wanted a sister but that's what I think of you as. I don't want to leave you to someone else but need some sleep, Meg. I've been watching you since they pulled you aboard the helicarrier. I even carried you onto the train!"

"Thank you for that. What about Jack? Who carried him onto the train?"

He sighs and climbs across the bed to lay beside me, "It was willing, believe it or not. Getting him onto the helicarrier was easy, too. A couple of lies goes a long way with him. I'll tell you this, I think he likes you. A lot."

"He doesn't. If he did, he would tell me. I mean, he already knows about my feelings. We almost talked about it-"

"He's kept it from you for this long, he can wait until the games are over. It's for the best."

"No, it isn't. I need to know-"

"No, you don't. He'll tell you when he's ready, won't he?"

I doubt it. If he loved me he would have had a different reaction to seeing me, right? "If you were him, if you had the feelings you think he has for me... What would you have done differently? You know, at the reunion."

"...I think he handled it well. You two are still kids no matter how big you're getting. I don't want to say I would do anything differently if I were him, but if I had the same feelings about you that I honestly suspect he has... I would have kissed you. Everywhere." To emphasize his point, he kisses my neck.

I push him away and roll onto my side facing away from him. "That's not funny. Bro."

"I was being serious. Sis. If I was in love with you, I would have held you down on the bed and made you know it. And you would have been loud-"

"You don't know that!"

"I know it, Meg. I can tell by looking at you-"

"You shouldn't think about your sister like that! You're not my type anyway, you know."

He laughs, "Right. I'm too lawful for you. You're a rebel now."

"I am not! Shh!" I sit up and turn to face him again, "Don't call me that, I'll get in trouble!" This time when he laughs, I join in. How stupid is that? What trouble will I really get into at this point? They're going to kill me anyway.

"I'll just ask Jack about it later-"

"He doesn't know, and no one does!"

"Wait-" He sits up and stares at me, "You've never- At all? With anyone? What is wrong with kids these days? I bet you haven't even been kissed-"

"I have!"

"Oh yeah? By who?"

I sit up, fold my hands in my lap, and look away from him, "I'm not telling you. Peacekeeper."

"I'm guessing not Jack. Was it Gale?"

"I'm not telling you!" I fall back against the bed and turn away from him again. "You're my brother, I don't want to talk about boys with you! Or kissing! Or- or-"

"Sex," he says, like he's so amused. "I shouldn't have mentioned that sister thing, you're never going to get over it."

"Never ever." I admit. "So, I'm guessing you've, umm-"

"Sex." he says again, trying to unnerve me. I can hear him chuckle behind me. "Yeah. I have. Remember that candy shop girl?"

"You're kidding!" I turn to him again, "You and her? Is there something going on there or was it just-"

"I've been shopping for a ring." My eyes widen. I had no idea he was even dating, but now he's going to be getting married?! Though we don't talk about ourselves an incredible amount while we're together, it would only make sense that something like that would come up? Didn't it? If he's in love wouldn't he want people to know it? "I haven't told anyone, so don't feel bad. She wanted to keep it on the down low. Something about her parents not approving."

"Who wouldn't approve of a peacekeeper as a son-in-law?"

He lowers his voice, "I don't know. And that's the only reason I signed up." A bit louder he says, "We're the protectors of the people. Who wouldn't love us? Who wouldn't respect us? Maybe I should work harder to earn a promotion-"

I wait for something to happen. Nothing does. We relax against the mattress. By the way he said it though, I'm guessing that means someone really is listening in. Thanks for the late tip, Caelus. Thinking over our conversation, I wonder if I've given away any vital information. Is that why he's still hanging around me? Because there's some information they need? Doesn't warning me sort of screw that up?

"Well, I guess that didn't work" he mumbles, "You should get some rest, Meg. There's nothing else to do until we get to the Capitol."

"I want to see Jack again." I stare at the ceiling. "That would be something to do."

"You mean someone." He laughs despite my elbow in his side, "You're such an innocent little- Ow, stop doing that! Come on, Meg. You don't even curse. Let me hear it once. Please?"

"Fuck off" After a moment, I look at him. He seems unimpressed.

"That was terrible, never do it again." We both stare back at the ceiling again. "The kisses you think you've had were probably little pecks." Shows what he knows. "That's not how a man kisses a woman. You're far from growing up, Meg. And I'm not saying what you do with your body is what matters. It's the experiences and the feelings... You're a kid. My kid sister."

"I've been through more than you think, Caelus. I'm not a kid."

"Want to make a bet?"

I sigh. This is how it always starts. "You know I do."

"I'll take you to Jack. He'll probably be asleep. If you can go an entire ten minutes without telling him you love him or have feelings for him -without crying- Then I'll admit you're not a child anymore."

"I... don't understand."

"I know you don't. Think about it. Think about how terrible he feels. Especially if he does like you. You can't just go in there and make him feel guilty about everything!"

"I wouldn't do that."

"You already have." He sits up and climbs off the bed, only to trip and fall on his face. He jumps up and tries to play it off, "Like I was saying, you can't just-"

"I heard you." Swinging my legs over the bed, I wait for him to pick up my crutch for me. I could have easily reached it but... Well, there was no reason, really. He helps me stand, too. With the crutch once again under my right arm, I let him lead me out the door. "You're not winning this one, Caelus. I know how to keep quiet."

"You have to wake him up, Meg. Watching him sleep is not part of the deal, and it will mean a forfeit. Understood?"

"I wouldn't just watch him sleep! I'll wake him up and we'll talk about... I don't know... Cream puffs."

Caelus laughs, "Good luck. You'll start saying how much you love them, how badly you want more, and you'll bridge over to your feelings. I know you will. As much as I love you, sis-"

"I won't screw this up. What I'm hearing from you is that you're trying to do me a favor. Letting me talk to Jack, telling me how to handle it. Thank you. But whether you mean it or not; you do not know me. Besides, I think I've changed a bit recently."

"I hope not. I like you just the way you are."


	9. First Of Many Bad Wake Up Calls

Caelus stops in front of Jack's door, nodding at the other peacekeeper. They have a short conversation, arguing about what was going on. I guess Jack wasn't supposed to have any more visitors tonight. But, like I knew he could, Caelus convinces the guard to give me ten minutes. "Alright. Go in there and talk to him. Like you used to, like you're just friends hanging out. Late at night. In a dark room. Did I mention he sleeps shirtless?"

"Caelus!" I scold. He laughs at me and opens the door, pushing me inside carefully. It's not that dark inside, there are little lights along the floor. They look like emergency lights and are really dim, but it helps me to see shadows. Jack is on the bed, curled up against the wall and the blanket thrown on the floor. Caelus was right, he does sleep without a shirt. Hmm. I guess he wouldn't exactly come into my yard without a shirt on to sleep under the sky just like I wouldn't be in shorts and a baggy tee. No, I would definitely not go out like that.

"Meg, wake him up." I turn and see Caelus grinning at me from the still open door.

I glare, "Close the door and I will. I don't want him to wake up to you" He just shrugs and closes the door. I sigh and turn back to Jack's sleeping form. Leaning my crutch against the wall, I hobble a few steps and hover over the bed. Should I sit down? Just stand here? Taking a chance, I sit on the edge of the bed and put a hand on his arm. He's turned away from me, and I lean in. "Jack, wake up." He stirs and I nearly jump back. When he settles back down I grin and put my mouth close to his ear. This is either a really good idea or a really bad one. I blow air over his neck.

After a couple of moments he realizes that he's not dreaming and quickly turns around to see me. "Meg?" His left hand rubs at his eyes as his right touches my leg, "I thought they weren't going to bring you back?"

I resist the urge to put my hand over his. "I only have ten minutes. I couldn't sleep so Caelus-"

"Couldn't sleep?" He sits up, concerned, "You're not having nightmares are you?"

Ah, nightmares. A side effect of dealing with the Capitol. "No. None yet. I'm still dreaming about-" I think about what Caelus said and avoid saying cream puffs. "-that one Summer when I went to the festival with Gale. When he bought me that hair clip-" I cut off, remembering that the hairclip was in the backpack. I don't know where the backpack is, and I don't know if there's anything still in it. I can bet it's been thrown in the garbage. If anyone looked through it they wouldn't think much of the clip anyway.

"Oh." Jack says, almost disappointed. "Yeah, you told me about that. It was two Summers before I moved in, right?"

"Mhm. We had mango frozen yogurt and I thought it was weird but he convinced me-"

"Meg?" He asks, not looking me in the eyes. "Can we not talk about this? About Gale, I mean. I don't want you to start thinking about him..."

"Oh." He's right. I shouldn't be talking about Gale. I would only start crying all over again. How am I supposed to meet him in the games? Do we fight? Do we run? Do I stick by his side so I can protect him and he can protect me? He probably wouldn't agree to it, anyway. He's had longer to plan for this. "Then what about your first Summer as my neighbor? Remember when you found me and Brian out in the backyard? He was painting me, and a projection of the tree we used to have there. I never understood it."

"Me neither." He lays back down against the bed. "You can lay down if you want, by the way. Put your leg up." I do as he says, laying down on his right side. There's just enough room for both of us; his shoulder is just pressing against mine. I look sideways at him, trying not to notice his bare chest, and he's staring at the ceiling. "I liked Brian's paintings. Some more than others. Remember that green one? It sat on your kitchen table for weeks before he sold it."

"Yeah, that was sometime during Spring." I find his hand and twine my fingers through his. He tenses but doesn't say anything. Why can't we hold hands? Why is it so different now?

"I shouldn't have brought it up. That Spring party was awful, and I still regret taking you there."

"It was... Kind of fun." It was not. It was more like a picnic of sorts. Invite only but somehow everyone -except me and a select few- had been invited. Jack took me along anyway and while he was busy being his fun-loving self I was pushed off into a corner. It wasn't that he regretted taking me; he felt bad for getting distracted and nearly forgetting he had dragged me there at all. "You definitely had fun."

He groaned, "I really don't want to remember that part. I wasn't that popular in my old town, I don't know why girls are suddenly noticing me-" he stops, tensing again.

I squeeze his hand, "Well, they obviously think you're quite the catch. And it's not easy ignoring you, Jack. Since you're always the center of attention..."

"Not always." he looks at me, "You are. Right now."

"Yeah, but I don't want to be."

"You think I do? Having fun isn't about having all eyes on you. If I have to lead, I will. I just want to instigate and participate. Be a part of everyone's fun, not the only thing keeping it going. But, Meg, I think you'll thrive with everyones attention on you."

"Oh, definitely." I say, sarcastically, "I'm going to thrive in the games. Maybe even win. Then I'll fund a rocket and fly to the moon and start a lunar cattle farm."

He laughs, bringing our twined hands up to kiss my knuckles. "Man in the Moon won't like it."

"He'll be happy to have some company. Cows are great for that." I watch as his lips brush my knuckles again. What is he doing? "Humans are too, I guess. Some of them."

"Like you? You're not going to the moon, Meg."

"I could make it-"

"That's not what I mean. I'm not letting you go to the moon. After these games you're not leaving the city walls again." He stops for a minute, putting our hands back down and looking away again. "Your parents won't let you. You'll be grounded for life just so they can keep you safe."

I stare at him. I almost thought... But of course he didn't mean that he wanted me to stay. "I'm moving out. If I win, I mean. I love them but.." Quickly, I change the subject. As much as I can, anyway. "I haven't congratulated you. Your last year with a name in one of those bowls. It's a great thing."

"It is not. Because your name wasn't even in the bowls. It was in Polly's well-manicured fingers. That is not a great thing."

"It's not so bad." I smile at him, but I don't know if he can see in the dim lighting.

"It's been more than ten minutes, hasn't it?"

"Yeah... Guess I'm stuck here." I'm almost surprised that I'm not happy about it. Caelus gave me ten minutes, and I won the bet. Maybe this was my prize? Idiot, I don't want to stay here all night. I want to go back to my own room. Staying here is not going to help anything and I don't want Jack to get uncomfortable-

"I guess you are." he agrees. He doesn't sound too upset. Not that he would let me know if he was.

"I-if you want me to leave-"

"I would prefer to go to your room but I'm stuck here. I hear the tribute rooms are practically built for royalty."

"Jack, I am royalty." I grin. "And yeah, the rooms are amazing. Have you been around the rest of the train? I didn't think I would get something this nice..."

"You're still a tribute, Meg. So, what's the plan?" he sits up again, letting go of my hand. "I'll take the floor? Want a pillow for your leg?"

I don't know how to respond. I do want a pillow for my leg, but there are only two. If he goes on the floor I can't deny him the other. We can share one, maybe like I did with Liam. Or not. I don't know. If I sleep here-

"You're going to need more room." He says. I realize he's been watching me for a while, probably dissecting my thoughts. He grabs the pillow that was under himself and puts it under my still sore ankle. It's a lot nicer. He then lays back down on his side, facing me. "Is that comfortable?"

"Yeah. But- Are you comfortable? I don't want to make you uneasy or anything."

He's silent for a moment, just looking at me. "I'm fine with this. I know you're safe this way, and I won't... have any nightmares if you're by my side. That's all it was, Meg." He leans in and kisses my nose, "They've been listening in on me. I wasn't screaming to you when they found you. It was a recording of when I was having a nightmare. I'm sorry."

"You've been having nightmares? About me?"

"Yes. I don't want to talk about them. Wake me up if I start screaming, okay?" He chuckles but I don't know what's so funny. So I just watch him as he forces a smile at me.

I still won't cry, but I've won the bet. I've won my freedom of speech back. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, "I love you." I didn't expect a reply and I don't get one. I let myself relax and try to sleep. He doesn't move beside me so I open my eyes. He's still watching me. I frown, "Do you want me to leave?"

"No" he says quietly. "Stay."

"Then relax. This is the same as falling asleep in the back yard. We'll probably even dream about clouds! About snowflake shapes," I smile at him.

"You're right. There's no difference. Just get some sleep, Meg."

"You too."

"I will. But it's more important that you do. Goodnight, snowflake." He grins at me and shifts so his hand can lay on my arm. "Just so I can feel grounded," he explains.

"I understand" I close my eyes again. I don't mind the nickname snowflake. Not if it's him calling me it. It is only the second time he's used it, so maybe it's not sticking as well as he thought it would? "Goodnight, Jack."

Waking up, I realize Jack's arm is around me, his head against my shoulder. I also realize that the lights are on and we're not alone. Blinking a few times, I stare at the peacekeepers. There's two, they're masked, and I don't think either is Caelus. "What are you doing in here?"

"Come with us. Now."

I would give a snappy answer but Jack stirs beside me. I don't want to wake him up, but I can't disappear on him. "Can't I have a minute? To wake him up and-"

"Go ahead. Make it quick."

I roll my eyes at them and turn my head to look at Jack. He's so close to me. "Jack" I reach over to poke his stomach. Then, realizing again that he's shirtless, I blush. My hand rests on his side and I shake lightly. "Wake up, alright?"

"Mm, no" He says sleepily. He still hasn't opened his eyes. "I'm happy here."

"So am I, Jack. But there are peacekeepers here and I have to go with them."

His eyes snap open, his arm tightening around me, "She's not going anywhere."

Before they can say anything I tell Jack, "I have to. Don't worry about me. I'm royalty, right?" I smile at him, "Help me up?"

He glares at the peacekeepers but his arm moves from around me. Without saying a word he helps me swing my feet over the edge of the bed. My ankle throbs and I hope I'm being taken for some more painkillers. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." I lie. A bit more honestly, I cast a glance at the peacekeepers, "Woke up to them though. That was a bit painful."

Jack smiles as he helps me stand, "Yeah, I know how you feel."

One of the peacekeepers passes me the crutch and I take it, placing it under my right arm. Jack touches my arm and I turn to say to him, "I'll see you later."

"I hope so. Or I might have to get up to my old tricks."

"Time to go" one of the peacekeepers interrupts, "You've wasted enough time already." He gestures towards the door and, with one last look at Jack, I walk out into the hallway.

Luckily I do get more painkillers. A full exam. Breakfast. A shower. A beautiful purple top with dress pants and flats- I am actually almost smiling by the time I'm told I get to see Jack again. I haven't seen Caelus, but the peacekeepers tailing me aren't that bad. They keep quiet unless they're asking me what I want, and that's fine with me. But as they're leading me along the train, one in front and one behind, I can't help but wonder why they're rushing.

"Umm, we're just going to Jack's room, right?" They don't answer me. I stop walking. "Tell me."

The one in front turns and the two stare at each other for a long moment. Then he looks at me and answers, "You'll see him later."

"But now?" I ask.

"We're nearing the Capitol."

"And that means what exactly?"

"It means you're not running away again. And it means you do what we tell you to. Keep walking." I glare and he turns again. I'm pushed forward from behind and nearly stumble thanks to the crutch. I'm pushed again and I get the point. Grudgingly, I walk on.

When we walk into the plain room I'd first woken up in, I panic. The stretcher is still there and beside it there's a needle and a vial of something. One of the peacekeepers pull me forward, letting the crutch fall on the ground. I struggle, but he pulls me against him and keeps walking. I struggle harder, thinking about screaming. The other peacekeeper grabs my legs and they drop me on the stretcher, pinning me down as they strap my arms and legs to the frame.

I don't care what this is supposed to be, I'm terrified. They won't tell me anything except to stop moving before I hurt myself. As one of their hands pass above the needle, I shriek. They don't seem to care so my voice gets louder. One of them hits me and spots dance behind my eyes. I'm pretty sure I bit my tongue. Again.

I hear someone run in through the door and a thud as a body hits the floor. I look over, blink, and Caelus stands over the peacekeeper that hit me. He turns to me and puts his hand on my cheek, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let them do this. I could have or- or they should have drugged your food!" He's obviously angry.

"D-drug me?!" I yell, "Why are they trying to drug me?"

He looks at the one still-conscious peacekeeper then back at me, "They don't want you awake when we get to the Capitol. It'll be easier to cart you to the training center that way."

"But why-"

"Megan." He says seriously, "Shut up. I'll stay with you the entire time. I promise."

"Really?" I question as he picks up the needle. I can't watch the strange liquid going into it, so I turn away. Seeing the other peacekeeper I scowl and turn back to see the needle nearing me. "Caelus! Wait till I'm ready!"

"I can't, Meg. We're already behind schedule."

"Just tell me- what are they going to do with Jack?" I try to get away from whatever is in that liquid but my shoulders are pushed down and my head held steady.

"He'll be fine. There's a citizen he'll be staying with-"

"But what if I want to see him?"

"You will." Is all he says. This time, the needle stings. And the liquid being pressed into my neck feels too foreign and I want to barf. Caelus leans down and kisses my forehead before looking away from me. Everything fades and goes black.


	10. It's About Damn Time

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I don't know how they managed to get me to the Capitol in such a short time. Probably pushed the train to it's limits. I'm pretty sure the Eastern border wasn't that close to the Capitol. Actually, I think the whole path was far from the Capitol. And I certainly never crossed any train tracks, as odd as that is. Maybe... Maybe I just didn't make it to any tracks. Maybe the tracks were right in front of me and they took me straight from the helicarrier onto the train. I don't know. Point is; wow, that was fast.

The room I'm in is nicer than the one on the train. It's not all green, for example. It's neutral, forest colors, but it's not all green. A bit smaller than the palace room I was expecting, but larger than any bedroom I've ever been in. And silk sheets. I always thought having silk sheets would be weird but after sleeping in them my body has found a comfortable position in them. The fuzzy blanket on top is even softer, and an amazing shade of beige. I don't even know how beige could be amazing but it is!

By the bed there's a remote and I look around. I can't see a television, but it could easily be concealed behind something. Techies. Hmph. I grab it and press a button. The curtains to my right open and I can see the Capitol in all its glory. It's not as grand as I expected but I know for sure that I'm here now. I press another button and the air conditioning turns on. Smiling, I press another button. Apparently the window is also a TV. I don't know how that's practical but they're probably just showing off.

I flip through a couple of channels -there aren't many anyway- and settle on The Hunger Games Greatest Hits. Literally just tributes' strongest, most tactical, winning hits. Surprisingly, the commentary isn't all that uninteresting or brutal. It's almost helpful. Within the first minute I learn which part of the throat is easiest to get to and most painful to be punched in. It might come in handy.

Someone knocks on the door and I turn the TV and air conditioning off, shutting the curtains while I'm at it. "Come in!" I yell. As they enter, they turn a light on. I blink at them, adjusting to it.

"You're finally awake." An irritated voice says. A female voice. Crap. It's Polly. And she's wearing green. Not that I have any problem with green. Okay, maybe I have a problem with her wearing that green... whatever it is. Like a towel dress. Is that really fashion around here? "Megan Theia. Nice to finally meet you." Her voice tells me she doesn't find it nice at all.

"I thought I would be meeting my mentor first." I say, not trying to sound pleasant. She scowls and I shrug, swinging my feet over onto the floor. Noticing no crutches around, I test my foot. I would rather have the crutches but if they tell me to walk; I have to walk. I've already learnt that lesson.

"How's your ankle?"

"Awful, thanks." I stand, wave my arms for balance, then put them on my hips and frown. I won't be jumping up and down, but I can make it out of this room.

"If you want a shower, then it's through that door-" She gestures to my left. I didn't even notice that. "-and if you're just hungry then you can join me for lunch!" She smiles, but I don't think I'm welcome. I guess she would hate me. The first runaway -that anyone knows about- and it was under her watch. Her tribute, from the district she was supposed to be representing. Yeah, I bet I pissed her off.

"I'll take a shower. There'll still be lunch, right?"

"Oh, yes! But I'm going to have to leave soon, so you'll be eating alone."

"What about my mentor? I hear I'm with the female victor? Wasn't her name Faith Monahhan?"

"Yes, you'll meet her later. She's out with Gale's mentor, Faith's husband, James." The familiar way Polly said Gale's name sort of pissed me off. Sure, they'd had some time to talk. A few days. But not that much- I almost wonder if it's inappropriate. Gales not really like that though, so I'm probably just trying to find more reasons to hate Polly.

"How is Gale getting along with everyone?"

"You are not his mother so I am not going to discuss those things with you. Ask him yourself if you're so concerned." She puts her hands on her hips. Then she takes a deep breath, clasps her hands in front of herself, and looks me in the eyes as I walk around the bed. "As you can tell, I'm pretty upset. I was not blamed for what you did, but I am being judged for it. You've affected a lot of people and I understand why you would take that chance but now I need you to be just a tad less selfish mmkay?" She bats her eyelashes at me.

I wish she were going into the games. Especially if she could take my place. Okay, I ran. I had a good reason. I don't want to die! I don't want to let my loved ones watch me die while others are cheering around them! It's what I want, but they would want the same. "I'm just going to go have that shower. I'll publicly humiliate you later"

She gapes for a moment while I walk to the bathroom. It was too much to hope for that she would be silent for a while. "If you dare do anything like that to me I'll-"

I turn on her, "You'll what? Tell me I can't have dessert? Understand this Polly-" I frown at her name "-I'm not yours to punish. That's up to the judges at this point. Then to Caesar Flickerman. And finally, lastly, to the other tributes. There is no room for you so back off!" I bite the last two words at her and she gasps, taking a delicate step back. I don't know when I became so snappy... But I'm starting to like it. I stalk into the bathroom, shutting the door behind myself and leaning against it. This is going to be difficult.

The whole apartment is in neutral colors. The dining room, the TV room, even the windows have a brown tint. ...Well it might just be reflecting the walls. There are random splashes of color, I guess the decorators tried to make it homely modern. Kind of like Janet did, but with less sense to it. After eating I set to my goal of creating a butt indent in the couch. I think they get new ones every year though because it's barely been broken in. It, too, is brown. The pillows are blue though, and I crush one between my knees and chest. It's my third favorite pillow in the world. First is my own, the one that I left at home. The second is the one that I shared with Liam. I'm not in love with him or anything, I just felt so safe in his arms. Like he would never let me go or let anything bad happen to me. I suppose first should be Jack's shoulder, but I don't want to start thinking of him as a pillow.

I watch the news, mostly; waiting for them to announce that I have been found. To see what lies they come up with. There's nothing, though. No mentions of me at all. They highlighted the careers and a tribute who's the son of a previous victor. 13 year old Benjamin from district 6. He is going to be targeted for sure.

From district 1 there is Ann and Henry. Queen and King, most likely. From district 2, Jill and Gregorio seemed like another couple. Couple of buffed up super soldiers, that is. From 4 there is Bea and Toby. Nothing to add about them, they were just typical careers. My first impression, much like I was expecting, is; I'm screwed. They are going to rip me apart!

I rest my head against my knees. What am I doing? Right this moment, what am I doing? I'm... trying to distract myself. Waiting for Gale. My mentor. Caelus. The world to end. Maybe I should eat something. No one outside the few who have already seen me would know that I've been caught. Gale probably doesn't know yet. I'm not sure I want to see him. I'll get private training if I have to, but I don't think I can handle it.

But behind me, the elevator dings and I jump up from the couch. I clutch onto the pillow and walk around the furniture so I can see who walks in. If I'm lucky, it will be Caelus. If I'm not-

"Megan!" Gale yells, hurrying into the apartment. I'm frozen on the spot as he runs forwards and folds me into his arms. "You're safe."

He doesn't say anything for a while and I begin to wonder what he's thinking. Not that he would tell me- not here. Behind him James, Faith, and Caelus give us some space. Caelus catches my eye and points to his head. I'm confused for a moment and then Gale steps back. "Gale-" I don't know what to say to him.

"Caelus saved something for you." He reaches into his pocket then reaches up and places the hair clip where I usually wore it on the left side of my head. Gale grins at me, "If you wanted to get rid of it there are easier ways than to let the peacekeepers have it."

"I'm keeping it. Forever. I just- So much happened and I forgot that it was in the backpack..." I throw the pillow back onto the couch and wrap my arms around his mid, "I am so sorry that I ran-"

"Don't be." We haven't hugged this much in years, and I suddenly realize that I missed having his arms around me. "But I am so pissed to be the last to know that you're back-"

"They haven't made any announcements yet." I tell him. "I've been watching the news for a while and I haven't been mentioned at all."

Caelus walks around us to the couch and picks up the pillow I was holding onto, "That's because it's going to be downplayed. No one wants to talk about a runaway. If anyone mentions your district, or Gale, then they'll casually drop your name and wonder how you're doing in training. Maybe even bring up how the bets on you are going. There are pictures of you up but no one has seen you or anything... They just know what they saw from the reaping's live feed. It wasn't much; they switched cameras as soon as they knew what you were doing. Focused on wildlife and the national anthem. Do you even remember much from that day?"

Gale lets go of me and I hobble to the couch, laying back so my leg is on the pillow in Caelus' lap. I grin at him and he, oh so kindly, pats my sore ankle. I grip at it and glare at him. "Yeah, I remember a lot." I lay back down and realize Gale had put another pillow over the armrest for my head. Quickly, I smile at him as a thank you. "I remember the day, with Jack. And the evening -into the night- on my own and on the run. What I don't remember is the reaping. I know I was there, and I can still hear Polly's voice calling my name... But after that and until I was already running through everyone's back yards, it's all kind of a blur."

Gale leans forwards from the armchair behind me and to my right, "Caelus told us that Jack is a captive. I'm sorry, Meg."

"Yeah, well, so long as he's safe. Umm, I'm sorry about you getting reaped, by the way."

"Are you kidding?" He grins, "You got reaped, Meg. I'm sorry about that. I can survive- Oh, fuck."

"Yeah. Fuck." Both Caelus and Gale look at me oddly, "I just wanted to try it out again. What? Stop looking at me like that!"

"It's just... weird." Gale tells me. "You're not exactly the type to get away with it. You're sort of..."

"Innocent? So I've heard." I glance at Gale and I can tell a memory passes between us. Sure, I'm still a virgin. But I'm not some little girl. I'm not a kid- I smirk at Caelus, "Admit it."

"Admit what?" He asks as James and Faith sit on his other side. "That you're innocent? Been there."

"I won our bet, Caelus. You owe me, and I want you to pay up in front of everyone-"

"But not in front of Jack, right. You still want him to think you're a kid." He laughs, "Since childish is the only quality he admires." Instead of replying, I bring my foot up. Before I can kick it down he grabs it, "Don't even try, sis."

"Woah!" Gale interrupts, "I didn't know you two were related! Distantly, maybe."

"We are not related," I assure him, "and if we were, I never would have had that crush on him."

"You had a crush on me?" Caelus smirks, "That's cute, sis."

"Yeah, but, you're a bit too grown up for me."

"Obviously. We all know your type-"

"Hey, how about this?" Faith starts, "All of you stop talking about Jack Frost. That's not the direction we're taking things. You've heard Polly. She's had this figured out for days and we can't screw it up."

"Screw what up?" I ask, not too sure I want to hear it. If it has something to do with Polly's plans then it can't be good.

"Gale should tell you." For the first time, I notice a scar running down the right side of her neck. With her long red hair down, I couldn't tell. Swinging my legs over the edge of the couch, I sit up straight and look at Gale. Whatever it is, I can already tell by his expression that I'm not going to like it.

"Meg..." He sighs. "You know I love you. You're family. But Polly's been working on this story that... I love you in a different way. And you do, too. You ran because you couldn't be in the games with me-"

"I didn't know!" I'm already frustrated, but I try to keep my voice down. What does Polly think she's doing? I can't be anything more than Gales friend. Definitely not his- his lover! Or whatever she wants me to be! Lightly, Caelus starts rubbing circles on my back. It helps. Barely. "I didn't know you were going to be reaped."

"We all know that. But not everyone is that smart and even if they are the Capitol has it's ways to make people believe things. Point is; we have to help them make people believe it. It's just a television show, Meg. Can't you handle being in love with me for a couple of weeks?"

If we survive that long. "There are so many other reasons- And wouldn't they rather cover up the whole running away thing than build a story around it and letting it be public information?"

"It's Polly's idea-"

"Everything is." I take a deep breath and look at Faith who's holding onto James with pursed lips. He's strong, with sun-lightened brown hair. As I thought was typical for victors, he's uncomfortable being back in the apartments. Faith isn't like that. She seems like she feels with emotions and not memories of them. I kind of like her already. "It's nice to meet you. Both of you. But I think I need some more alone time." Faith nods so I stand up.

"Hey, stay and enjoy our company!" Caelus complains. "Polly will be here soon and-"

"Just call me for dinner later, alright? And make sure she thinks carefully about what she's going to say. You still owe me, Caelus." Without saying anything else, I walk to my bedroom.


	11. Who Is This Gwen Person

Oh, that definitely sucked. So I'm going to die and I'm going to die with everyone thinking I'm Gale's lover. Our parents will be so happy-

"Meg?" I turn from where my face is stuffed into the pillow and look at Gale. Definitely not the person I wanted to see. He walks over and sits on the bed next to me, his back against the headboard. He looks past me and frowns, "You took the hairclip off."

"It was poking me in the head. Kinda hurt."

"I must have put it on you wrong." I lay on my side, facing him, and his hand reaches over to move some hair out of my face I hadn't even realized was there. His hand lingers and he watches me carefully, "Did I mention you look good? Must be the beauty treatment you've gone through."

"I haven't gone through it yet." I admit, "This is all natural, Gale. And I plan to stay this way if I can help it."

He laughs, "Even I have a stylist. The very enthusiastic Jaz. She's-"

"Your soulmate? You love her so much that you can't even think about pretending with me?"

"I wouldn't go that far." He looks away from me and I wonder, again, what he's thinking. "You really love Jack, don't you?"

"What brought that up?"

"I'm just asking."

"Same here." I sit up and back against the headboard next to him. "Why would you suddenly bring that up? I thought we were talking about you and me being lovers."

"We are. Lovers, I mean." That grin of his comes back, "I already have connections with the careers. We'll be safe. And then we'll hide out in a cave and just make out until we're the last ones left and then-"

"Then you snap my neck. Yeah. Fun."

"I wouldn't do that."

"The games change people. How many times have we said that?"

"Enough." He frowns again. "I want you to win. If I don't, then it has to be you. Our parents need one of us-"

"They need you. Not me, I'm just- I'm not the one they want back, Gale."

He grabs my chin, making me look at him, then presses his lips against mine and pushes me down onto the bed. I'm too shocked to respond -whichever way I would- but of course he expected that. He doesn't care, he's probably making some sort of point. When he pulls away -for breath- the grin is back. "Think you can manage to be a bit more convincing when we're being filmed?"

"Why is it" I say between heaves of my chest, "that everyone kisses me except the one I want to kiss- Why does Jack- Why doesn't he like me?" It's more than catching my breath now. I'm shaking -on the verge of crying. "He can put his arm around me and make me smile all he wants but that's just who he is! He comforts people and he makes them happy! It has nothing to do with me, and it never will..."

"Meg, stop crying over him! You can handle this. We have a lock down with the careers, now all we need to do is convince sponsors that we're worth investing in. That there's a story for them to sympathise with and fantasize about. Our mentors will sell it the best way they can- by talking me up. It's all they can do; they know me better. They'll say I've been talking about you non stop."

"And I'll exaggerate the truth. I've loved you for a long time, and our parents brought us together. It was destiny. Of course we would end up together."

"Actually, we're not together yet. Polly had this idea that I would bring it up during our interviews. Get Caesar Flickerman to invite you up on stage so I can officially ask you."

"Is this really what you want to do?"

"We can pull it off. We can give ourselves this chance." He kisses me again and this time I kiss back, knowing that Polly couldn't be smart enough to come up with all of this. She's a representative. She represents the Capitol more than my district, and that's what I need to remember. If they tell me to walk, I'll walk. Either that or risk being shoved forwards.

If what Gale says about the careers is true; that's basically a miracle. I can understand why they would want Gale, but I don't know if I can really be roped into the deal. I'm not sure I want to be. To spend a week, even just a night sleeping next to them, I just don't think I can do it. I need to sleep, but I haven't learnt how to sleep with one eye open and I can't depend on Gale watching over me night and day. I'll be with their group if I'm invited, but I'll still be on my own. Jack was right. I have to survive everything, even Gale. If that means running away from him... For now I'm with him. For now we're helping each other survive. For now... neither of us will admit to planning to abandon the other.

"See" Gale says. His eyes are closed and his lips are still hovering just above mine, "We can pull this off. If you have to, just pretend I'm Jack."

"I can't. I won't. I'll be kissing you, Gale. It's not right to pretend you're anyone else... Even though I don't want you that way."

"Does that mean you'll think I'm a bad person for pretending you're Gwen?"

"...Gwen? You like Gwen?"

He opens his eyes and smirks, "What? She's a lot like me. That's why Jack doesn't like her much."

"Seriously?" We sit up, "He doesn't like her?"

"You were worried about that? You're a bit of an idiot, you know that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your confused face is cute, Meg" he mocks. I know he's mocking me. He would never call me cute. "Okay, so maybe Jack isn't in love with you? So you're going to go into the games without having a real boyfriend or anyone who has ever told you that they love you-"

"Gale. Get out."

"I'm just saying-"

"Out." I demand. Hey, I am royalty. And this is my bedroom! I understand what he came in here for but now I just want to be alone with my thoughts. "And tell Caelus I want to see Jack. Whenever I can."

"He knows-"

"Yeah, well, tell him anyway."

"I'll tell him." He gets up and leaves, poking his head out into the hallway before actually walking out.

I want to live. I want to go home but what I said earlier was true. If it comes down to the two of us, it has to be Gale who survives. He has his brothers. He actually contributes and takes care of people. He's worth saving. But I want to believe that I am too. No, I don't need to be saved. It would be nice, but I can't wait for it to happen. I stick with my plan; I fight. I survive against all odds, just like I would have if the helicarrier hadn't picked me up.

I suppose the upside to all of this is that I have a chance to say a proper goodbye to Jack. And I also get to show the Capitol that I'm capable of more than just running scared. Even though that's probably what I'll end up doing for most of the time in the arena. That and eating mushrooms and hoping the trees don't start talking. But the careers usually take control of the cornucopia first so if I'm lucky I should be able to steal some supplies before I run out on them. Before I run out on Gale. Who is supposed to be my lover. Ugh.

More plans forming in my head, I barely pay attention to the TV as Caesar Flickerman talks about his favorite tributes. Most are either pretty or built like tanks. How else were they supposed to catch his attention though. I'm sure I already have. He likely knows that I've been caught, but there still hasn't been any mention about it on any of the channels I've skimmed through.

I've always avoided watching reruns of the games but now I think it's a good idea. See what not to do and what kind of people not to trust. For example, if they keep staring at your back while flipping a knife around in their hand; DO NOT TRUST.

I'll have the option of the cornucopia, and I was going to run for it anyway. Usually half the tributes get taken out at that point. But with districts 1 and 2 pairing up as they usually do, that's already 4 tributes. Plus me and Gale that makes 6. There is no way both tributes from 4 would be joining us; it's insensible to have a group of 8 when there's likely only 12 in total remaining. What, would we hunt down the last 4 then have a battle royale? I really should have asked Gale more about it, but they have only had one day to discuss it. I'm not even sure how the alliance could be locked down yet but Gale must have shown off early on. I can always count on him to impress others.

Dinner goes a lot better than I expected. For one, Polly knew better than to piss me off again. I did apologise for getting so angry with her, but I also told her not to think it won't happen again. It will, if we're both not careful. And if I don't get any dessert.

Gale, James, and Faith kept up conversation, catching me up on things I'd missed. There wasn't much other than what they wore to the parade and I'd already seen that on one of the programs I'd skipped over. Gale mentioned the tributes, Faith went on about hopeful sponsors. James asked me what I thought I was good at. What I could train. What skills I had that could help me survive.

"Nothing. Unless you count befriending wildlife." I laugh, but it's an inside joke they don't get. Gale seems to relax hearing my laugh and I almost feel bad that it's at his expense.

"Nothing at all? You seem to be have a knack for survival... Aside from the nearly dying part-"

"Okay, I slipped off a fence, and it rained more than I thought it would. I wasn't exactly on a vacation! It wasn't fun, and it wasn't easy, and yes my ankle still hurts! Can we move on assuming that I have no talents, please!" I sip the weird blue drink and avoid looking anyone in the eye.

"She's a great kisser" Gale says, and my head snaps towards where he sits on my right. He shrugs, "You are. We have that. We have our act. Just find something during training that you're sort of good at and practice it. With everything at the cornucopia; you have your choice of weapons."

"I would rather be a gatherer. I'm not a fighter, Gale. I'm not a hunter like you."

"But you could be."

"No, I couldn't. I don't want to hurt anyone. I definitely don't want to kill anyone!" Everyone goes silent. James, Faith, and Polly are across the table and they start talking to each other softly. I try not to listen in. Caelus, on my left, puts his hand on my shoulder and I flinch. "I know it's kill or be killed but I don't want to- I can't."

"Meg, maybe we should go for a walk." Caelus starts to stand and I follow. Gale says nothing as he watches us leave. I guess the talks are over for the night. As soon as we're in the elevator going down he tells me, "Don't worry about Gale. He's handling everything well. Got that fight in him, as usual. The fire behind his eyes- but it's not passion, believe me. He's saving that for the games-"

"Can you not? I'm still not entirely comfortable about it. Where are we going?"

"To see Jack. You want to, right?"

"Of course I want to! I want to spend every spare minute with him."

Caelus laughs, "Yeah, I bet. You're going to want to tell him the news so he doesn't think what goes on between you and Gale is real. Otherwise... He might think you've moved on already. That you've had enough of him."

"I'll set him straight." I stare down at myself; at the blue dress I'd thrown on. It's simple, not quite knee length, flowy, and has crossing spaghetti straps. I don't know what Jack will think, especially after I've donned a pair of silver heels underneath. "Maybe I should have changed."

"You look great, Meg. Just don't let him get any ideas. Or do; it's really not my decision. Have some fun before going through hell." He smiles sideways at me and I feel like slapping him. Have I always been this violent minded? "Come on, stop frowning. I just don't want you to be a traumatized virgin after all of this goes down. You deserve better than that."

"I bet you've said the same thing to Gale" I mock lightly.

He scratches at his neck, "I would, except that he's not a virgin."

"What?!" I nearly scream, facing him and shaking his shoulders, "He's not?"

"Hasn't been for a couple of years. Not sure about Jack, so don't ask me about him."

"I'll ask him myself! Since I can't be too sure about anyone!"

"You're just going to storm in there and ask if he's a virgin?"

"Yes, I am! Wait, maybe not. I'll be tactful-"

"Like jumping a fence to get away from peacekeepers?"

"Shut up. I slipped. It happens. Is he in this building?"

"No. And I'm escorting you there so no more aggressive shows of affection. Got that, sis?"


	12. Those Poor Cream Puffs

We exit the elevator and I'm boxed in by three other peacekeepers. They lead me out of the building and down a few streets. In the residential area, we stop at a house that's painted pink and orange. I don't understand having those two colors together but it must have originally been a sunset theme. The house looks cozy, but not in a way I've ever seen before. It was more like homely. Like the person who lives here has put special effort into making it theirs.

"Jack is here?"

Caelus, on my left, frowns, "Yeah, I wasn't expecting this either. When I last saw him he was somewhere completely different. Someplace a bit more... grey. I'll take it from here, guys" he addresses the other guards. "She can't get past me."

I avoid saying that yes, I can easily get past him. I won't be trying. I just want to see Jack, give him a few updates, subtly ask about his love life, and hope that he'll compliment my dress. Or at least notice it. But the only thing he'll notice about what I'm wearing is the hairclip. I couldn't just leave it behind, so I tucked my hair back on my left side.

Taking my elbow, Caelus walks me up to the door and knocks. A minute later, it opens. A woman with light purple eyes and matching hair smiles at us. Her super white teeth almost sparkle as much as her orange unflattering dress. "Hello, hello! You must be Megan!" Her voice is high and leaves a ringing in my ears. "Come in, come in!" We walk in the door and she leads us into a living room on the left. "I'll go get Jack. We were just baking cookies. Oh, have a seat!"

The inside is a lot like the outside. Sunset colors. I sit on a red couch facing the front window and a TV as Caelus just watches the way the woman went, "Her name is Sunny. She forgets sometimes that people don't know who she is." He frowns, "Just try to be nice. And don't get too close to Jack while she's nearby. Woman's old fashioned."

"Meg!" I turn and look as Jack walks in with a huge smile on his face. I smile back and watch as he approaches the couch. I notice a tray in his hands filled with what I think is oatmeal and chocolate chip cookies. They look like they're still warm and my mouth starts to water. Jack sits down on my right and puts the cookies down, "You're both welcome to have one. Or five" he laughs.

I pick one up immediately and take a bite. "Oh wow, did you really make these?"

"Yes, with the help of Sunny. She's wonderful, Meg! Happy and a great cook! I thought I'd be in a cell somewhere but this is the complete opposite!"

"Hmm, yeah." I mumble as I stuff the cookie into my mouth. Well, I'm glad we're both happy in our temporary places of residence. He'll probably be here longer than I'm in the apartments. It's not like the Capitol would want him out and about, telling people everything he knows. "So you're alright?"

"Yup! No beatings yet. You?"

"None yet." I respond, leaning back against the couch. "There's always tomorrow. I'm going to have to make up for a whole missed day of training."

Jack leans back beside me, "How is Gale?"

"Great. He kissed me so..."

"He what?" Jack asks angrily and stares at me, "He kissed you?! I thought you two weren't together?!"

"We're not... Not yet-"

"Not yet?!"

"It's the story we're going with. For why I ran away. That I couldn't bear to face against him in the games. He's going to ask me to be his girlfriend during the interviews and.. It's an act, Jack. I promise. You know all about my feelings. Right?" I try to say it softly but I'm a bit more desperate than that. I suppose I could have said it differently but to be honest I really wanted to see how he reacted. And I'm glad Caelus isn't interrupting.

"I guess so." His hand touches my arm and, slowly, he calms down. "It's only to keep you safe? To get you sponsors?"

"Yes. That's all. I don't want to do it, but everyone keeps telling me it's for the best. And I understand that it is. But I'm not comfortable with it..."

"Then don't do it. You can come up with something else, you don't need to pretend to be with him."

It's not in my control. I can't do anything about it. I have to keep walking in the direction I'm told. But looking into his blue eyes... I want him to hold me and not Gale. I want to tell him that everything will be okay and I don't want him to watch me being Gale's fake lover on TV. If there was anything I could do... "It's already been decided."

Sunny walks in and we both shift and sit up straight, staring at Caelus. At least he's not laughing at us. Sunny gracefully perches on a yellow armchair to the right and smiles pleasantly at us, "He's been talking about you non-stop you know."

I look at Jack, but he keeps his eyes on Sunny. "He has? I hope it's all good things."

"Of course, dear! He's very kind; I don't think he has a bad thing to say about anyone!" That wasn't what I meant. She doesn't seem to notice the look I give her, "He's such a sweety! Oh, Caelus, won't you sit down!"

Caelus shakes his head, "I'm on duty, ma'am. Thank you for the offer."

"Oh, alright. He's always been a bit of a sourpuss, hasn't he?"

Jack leans towards her a bit, "It seems like you know him. Wouldn't you two like to catch up?"

She claps her hands together, "Oh, yes! What a wonderful idea, Jack! Why don't you and your friend go up to your room? Take some cookies with you!"

I take one and don't look back at a likely glaring Caelus as Jack leads me away, up the stairs that are across from the front door. Down a short hallway and on the right is the room he's been staying in. It's about the same size as his room back home, has it's own bathroom, and is very, very, orange. In the middle of the far wall is a bed with a canopy over it, on the wall to the right is the door that leads to the bathroom, and on the other two walls are dressers. There are no windows and I wonder if that was why he was brought here.

"Not really my style, is it?" He asks, blushing, as he sits on the bed.

I finish the cookie and stand in front of him, "It's not that bad. It's... cheery. Warm. Romantic- Yeah, maybe that's not you." I laugh, trying not to look at him.

"What? You think I'm some ice troll? I can be romantic, Meg. And warm. And-"

"Cheery? Right." I sit on his left, a bit closer than I meant to but to move away would be weirder. "But romantic? How would you even know that? Previous girlfriends tell you that?" Smooth, Meg. Smooth.

He scratches his head, "Ehh, not exactly. Nevermind." Definitely not the answer I wanted.

"So, you have had girlfriends?" I push. I try to sound light and casual but he won't look back at me. "I'm just asking. I guess if you don't want to tell me then that's, erm, fine. You know I've never had a boyfriend. And, I mean, I've had my first kiss and a couple others, but that's the farthest I've gone-"

"You're asking me how far I've gone with someone," he figures. It's true, but I thought I was being clever with the way I asked. "Meg, I don't want to talk about that. Not with you; not right now. And I really don't want to hear about how many times you've kissed Gale." He leans forward and puts his head in his hands. I've never guessed it before, and I don't know if it could be true but... Could he be jealous?

I tell him softly, putting a hand on his back, "Jack... I don't love Gale. Not like that. I love you. And I want to kiss you... I'm only pretending to be his lover because I'm trying to survive... You do believe me, don't you?"

"Don't call him your lover. Don't even... Don't say that word." He turns his head and looks at me, his expression almost blank. "I understand why you have to do it, but I don't understand why this had to happen."

"If it makes you feel any better... Gale says he's going to pretend I'm Gwen. He's into her, not me."

"If he thinks you're her, then he's only going to enjoy it that much more." I never thought of that. It must show on my face because Jack chuckles. "You don't really know how attraction works, do you? How mens bodies work."

I don't want to think about Gale's body working. "Why does everyone assume I don't know anything about that stuff? I'm not totally innocent-"

He straightens up but I keep my hand on his back, "Maybe because you still call it that stuff. Sex, Meg. It's not just stuff. Make sure you tell him beforehand that you're not having sex with him. That you'll kiss him and say nice things to him but you will not go any further."

"I-I'll tell him." I never thought of that. I should have thought of it, but I didn't. "How is it that you think of that stuff and not me?"

He mocks, "That stuff. I'm hearing facts, I'm not experiencing it like you are." He shifts away then faces me completely, putting his leg up on the bed. My hand falls away but I put it on his knee. His hand goes over mine and I smile a little. "Say it."

"Say what?"

"The word you're avoiding. Sex"

I stare at him and he stares back. Chewing my lip for a moment I wonder if it will be like when I try to curse. Isn't it the same? Oh, it will probably be worse. I decide to just get it over with. I open my mouth and softly say, "S-sex."

He looks away, bringing his free hand up to cover his mouth. Was it really that weird? Is it even possible to say a word like that wrong? But he glances at me and he's blushing. His hand moves from his mouth and he nods, "Not bad. Don't ever say it again."

"Why not? Was it that bad?"

He smiles like it's funny, then he leans forward and kisses my nose. I'm still not used to it. He doesn't pull far back and he asks, "Is Gale the only person you've kissed?"

"N-no." He's only a few inches from me. His eyes look a lot bluer up close. "B-but you don't know him. A-and he was definitely thinking about someone else. There was no connection or anything-"

"I was just asking. But you didn't explain it very well. I'm more concerned than I was before."

"It was nothing. I promise." I glance at his lips and I think I move in slightly because he moves back. "Sorry" I tell him suddenly, "I'm so sorry, I feel like I keep making you uncomfortable and-"

"So you've never been kissed by someone who's truly in love with you?"

"N-no. I guess not." Not really. With Liam it didn't count because the one he truly loved was Stephanie. "And I doubt I will be. Life kind of sucks for me if you couldn't tell."

"I know. I'm not much happier, Meg."

I don't like that. At all. Jack telling me he's not happy? Nuh uh. I stand up and walk to the dresser near the end of the bed. Staring at my reflection in the mirror above it I smile, "What do you think? Should I ask my stylist to color my hair? Maybe a rebellious red streak? I hope he's not some nut job with a thing for orange. That would be-" I glance around the room, "-awful."

Jack laughs as he gets up to stand beside me, "Don't let Sunny hear you being negative. She'll really go nuts." He stares at our reflection for a few moments. Me in the dress and him, wearing red jeans and a light-yellow button up shirt with long sleeves. His white hair and blue eyes. My dark hair and dark blue eyes. He's a bit paler, but we both look like we haven't slept well the past few days. But that's what I see. Jack notices smaller details in a way that almost makes me nervous.

"What do you see?" I ask, mimicking my words from reaping day. I try to remember if I've used them before then and I'm sure I have but it's hard to think about.

"You look incredible." he tells me, not taking his eyes off the mirror. "And I look like a color chart."

A laugh bubbles from me and I realize that, yeah, he does. "I like it, but you should be the blue one not the red one. Want to trade?"

"You just want to see me in a dress." he grins as he inches so he's half behind me. His hands reach up and hold my shoulders, his breath tickling my ear, "It wouldn't look as good on me as it does on you. But if you want to borrow something there are these orange coveralls-"

"No!" I gasp, "You would never let me wear something like that would you?"

He rests his chin on my left shoulder and I stare at him in the reflection. His eyes flick over to me, and it almost looks like he's trying to memorize my features. I've never seen him look at me that way. "I promise. I will never let you wear orange."

"Thank you" I whisper. "Jack, why are you so close to me? Why do you keep kissing me?"

"I haven't kissed you."

"You did! Two minutes ago!"

"On your nose? That was nothing."

"It felt like something. And it always feels like something so I don't understand why-"

"Just forget it. If you want me to stop, I will."

I shake him off my back and turn to face him fully. "Of course I don't want you to stop. You know I don't! But you told me-"

"Forget what I told you, Meg." He sighs. "You're going to be Gale's lover. And you realize that you have to start in training, right? Other tributes, or judges, could screw things up. If I want to be close to you just let me."

"I am. I just- I want an answer. I need to know if you mean anything by it or if you're just, I don't know, messing with me?" I look at him almost desperately then take a small step forwards and put a hand on his cheek. He tenses but I don't pull back. "Are you pulling a prank, Jack?"

He swallows nervously, "No. I'm not joking. I might lose you, Meg. If I do I'm going to regret everything. Every wasted moment. Every... secret I've kept from you."

"Like what?"

My breath catches as he leans forwards, "I threw the cream puffs in the garbage."

"You what?!" I yell. My hand leaves his face and I step back. "How could you? I only had a small bag full and that only lasted-" In a moment he steps forwards, his hands cupping my face as his lips crash against mine- He's kissing me! He's urgent but gentle and I'm just surprised! But he's kissing me and I'm kissing him back and it's all I ever wanted. My hands reach up to rest on his shoulders and he finally relaxes a little, slowing the hungry kiss. Soon it actually feels real. He wants me, and I want him. I love him. Then the urgency is replaced with tenderness and I melt into him.

But then he's pulling back and turning away from me, "I shouldn't have done that."

I try to joke but my voice doesn't take on much humor, "I don't know, I kind of enjoyed it-"

"No, it was wrong. I shouldn't have-" He walks forwards and sits down heavily on the side of his bed, "You have to go."

"N-no! I'm not leaving, not now-"

"Leave!" He yells, looking hard at the wall in front of him. "And don't come back until you've won the games."

"But I-"

"Go away! Go and be Gale's lover. Go and survive. Survive the Capitol, survive the tributes, survive Gale. Then go home and not have to worry about all of this shit. It's fucked up, Meg. And I don't want to deal with it. So leave me alone." He stands up and walks forwards into the bathroom, slamming the door behind himself.

I want to stay. I want to argue with him. But he's shutting me out and I don't know what I could say. "I-if you want me to come back... just let someone know, alright? We don't have to talk about... whatever that was. I-I love you, Jack. I would like to see you before I... Nevermind." I sniffle. This is exactly what I was afraid of happening. "I love you. I'm sorry you don't want to see me again. And that I screwed up our friendship. Goodbye-" I choke on the word, shaking from the sobs I'm holding back. I run out of the bedroom and down the stairs, wiping at my eyes.


	13. Big Muscled Meanie Heads

Caelus heard me coming down the stairs and I barely see as he stands from the couch before I fall against him, crying into his shirt. "Meg... What happened?"

"T-take me back. I want to go back." I really can't hold myself up anymore and he has to lift me into his arms, one hand under my back and the other under my knees. I keep my face against his chest so the world doesn't see my tears or hear my ugly sobbing. They can watch me shake, watch as I cling to Caelus like he's the only thing keeping me alive. But I don't want anyone to see these tears. They're heartbroken, lovesick tears.

"Just take her back, deary." Sunny says, her voice shaky.

"Keep me updated." Caelus replies as he walks towards the front door. His hands don't leave me so I assume Sunny helped him with the door. Outside, multiple sets of footsteps join his and his muscles tense so I know we're being accompanied again.

"Hey, what happened to her?"

"Shut up" Caelus tells them, "and just get us back to the training center." I don't think I've ever heard him sound so in charge. I must have zoned out because it's not long before I hear the chime from the elevator then the pull as we're suddenly being lifted up. "You're going to have to walk in on your own. If you don't, Gale will kill me."

"Just tell him I fell asleep" I wince at how raw my voice sounds. I nearly choke on the words and they hurt to speak. But I need to help him with a plan. I don't want Gale to kill anybody. I know he will when we're in the games; I can't stop him then. But I'll limit the fatalities while I can.

"Then pretend you're asleep. Stop clutching onto me like that. Don't let anyone see your face though- yeah, like that. Okay, I'm a bit less worried now." He chuckles. Then he clears his throat as the elevator stops and chimes. He walks into the apartment and I hear someone sit up from the couch and walk over to follow him towards my bedroom.

"Is she asleep?" Gale asks.

"Mhm." Caelus replies, "Emotionally worn out from their reunion." I can hear the frown in his voice but I don't know if it's genuine or not. Probably is.

"Must have been fun." I don't know why Gale would be frowning, but then again he usually is. "I need to talk to you about something."

"Can it wait until I put her to bed?"

"No." Gale brushes past us and, I guess, opens the door to the bedroom. Caelus walks into the room and dumps me on the bed. "Hey, be careful!" Gale's hands are suddenly on me, taking my shoes off before tucking my body under the covers.

"It's not very comfortable to sleep in a dress. Maybe you should take that off her too." Ugh. He's smirking, I know he is.

"Maybe during the games." Gale says lightly. I never would have pegged him as one to joke about that stuff but I guess most men do. Jack might have been right. I should make sure Gale knows the boundaries before we enter the games. "Can I ask you to do something for me? After the games, I mean."

"I'm a peacekeeper-"

"I know. But as my friend, will you deliver some letters for me?"

"I thought you were going to win this thing. My mistake. I guess you're not a fighter afterall."

"I'm going to fight. And I'm aiming for victory. I'll kill anyone just to get home-"

"Even Meg?" It goes quiet, seemingly for several minutes.

"Even her, if I have to. And the only reason I would have to is if we're the last two." He sits down beside me on the bed and takes the clip out of my hair. I resist the urge to pull away. Of course he would have a plan for that. I do, too. But he's going to just- Of course he is. "If anything happens to me, I just need you to take the letters to my family. Will you do that?"

"Yeah, fine. Just give them to me before the interviews."

"And- about Meg- I don't want to hurt her. You know that, right?"

"You want to hurt her. So you can win. She's going to make it to the top two, Gale, but I can bet you won't."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"It means get out. The future victor needs her sleep." A set of feet storms out of the room. Caelus sighs. "Don't let him get to you" He starts walking away then calls over his shoulder, "Thick walls by the way. Shower, scream into your pillow, whatever. No one will hear unless they walk into the room. Okay, goodnight then."

I don't move. It's so much easier to pretend to be sleeping. Then I stand up and pick out a nightshirt, have a long shower, then collapse back onto the bed. What Caelus had told me rings in my ears and I clutch the pillow to my face and, feeling incredibly awkward, scream. I scream about the games, about Gale and his family, about Caelus, Stephanie and Liam, Brian and Janet, all of the tributes. All of their families. Then I sob, for everything I've been through, all I'm being forced through, all I wanted to do, wished I could do. I cry about the life I had hoped to have, from before I was reaped and even after. As I start to fall asleep, I think about Jack. About the kiss. And about what I hoped it meant. Finally, as he's telling me to leave again, I fall asleep.

And wake up to Faith shaking me, "Come on, it's time to wake up. Training today. You need to stuff three days into two. Actually, you need about a weeks worth. With all that running and surviving on the outside, you're pretty close. It seems like you have the stamina but you need some survival skills. Forget weapons, Gale says you'll have the careers to protect you-"

"Is he sure about that?" I yawn. "I know they'll want him but is he really that important for them to let me leech off of his invite?"

She just shrugs, "Why not?"

"Because I'm not important. I'm more likely to be targeted than allied with..."

"Gale will take care of it. You trust him, don't you?"

"I guess"

She smiles at me, "Then just do your part so you're not complete dead weight. If you screw up, there's nothing Gale can do to save you. You'll always be watching your back unless you make them all happy."

"Were you with the careers?"

Her smile fades and she sighs, sitting on the bed, "No. I was a solo survivor. James was, though. And please don't ask him about it... It's a huge part of why he is how he is now. Haven't you watched any of the re-runs?"

"I try to avoid them..."

"Good. Don't watch his. It's..." She shook her head, "He was forced to do those things. And he was forced to watch others..."

I put a hand on her shoulder, "He did what he had to to survive. We all do." She seems to relax and gives a little smile before slipping out of the room. Curiosity is probably a bad thing but I want to know what happened with James. If it was bad enough to still be upsetting to Faith, then it must have been bad. I don't really know why I want to see it but maybe it can prepare me for what will happen.

Quickly, I put on some sweat pants and an off-shoulder top over a sports bra. Along with the runners, my entire outfit is a dark green except for the top that I threw on. It's blue. Even after what happened with Jack I still find comfort in the color. I leave the hair clip where it is. I need to take training seriously and I can't chance getting distracted if it falls out and gets lost. I'm glad there's no dress code for training. It's really about personal preference and mine is comfort, style, and functionality. If I need to, I'll take the loose top off. But for the most part I think I'll be working on survival stations. Shelter building, camouflage, and something to do with climbing and not falling from a ten foot fence. If I have time I wouldn't mind learning to throw some knives around. They're easy to conceal and light. That seems like my style.

I walk out into the apartment and see only Faith and Caelus there. "Hi! Has Gale already left?"

They turn to me and Faith smiles, "Yes, and I thought I would get Caelus to escort you to your first day of training. If that's alright."

"Yeah. That's fine. Do you think I'm going to stand out?"

"Not even if you take your shirt off... Like I know you will" Caelus smirks.

I roll my eyes at him, "It's practical-"

"Oh, definitely. You need to catch the careers attention. What better way than stripping?" I glare at him.

Faith clears her throat. "I'm sure that would help but what she needs to focus on is training and making everyone think she's interested in Gale." She looks straight at me, "You could do worse."

"Yeah, like him" I gesture at Caelus. Faith tries not to laugh but he just grabs my arm and starts to lead me to the elevator. "Hey, I was just kidding!"

"It hurts my feelings, Meg. I know you're joking but what if someone else thinks the same. What if my girlfriend-"

"Nuh uh. It's not like you would just randomly ask her to marry you. She must love you and you must know it." I elbow him as we enter the elevator and he grins. The ride down to the basement is quiet as nerves start to eat away at me. I fidget with the loose top, "Can we go back up? I think I should have worn something else..."

He puts his arm around me, "You look good, sis. Practical, like you said. I'm just glad you didn't wear short-shorts. I know Gale is supposed to be your lover but I still don't want him ogling your assets."

I can't help but laugh, "See I totally understand your jokes so there's no way I'm-"

"You are." We leave the elevator and there's a long hallway to walk down.

About halfway I admit, "Jack kissed me.."

Caelus grabs my left arm and pulls me back to a stop. For a moment he just stares with a confused, possibly concerned expression. "Then why were you crying? I thought that was what you wanted?"

"Well, sort of. I-I want him to love me like I love him. But it's what happened after... He pushed me away and yelled at me to leave! I don't understand it and I-"

He crushes me against his chest and we stand there until I calm down enough and stop shaking. "He wouldn't have kissed you if he didn't want to, Meg. He knows how to diffuse a situation like that. Where some girl feels so strongly in love with him that they nearly cry. He doesn't kiss them then shove them away. He talks them out of loving him. It sounds to me like he acted on impulse which means he just really wanted to kiss you. Get it?"

"N-no!" I laugh, "If that's what guys are like-"

"Only when they're in love."

I push away and point down the hall, "Let's keep going, alright?" I start walking, Caelus on my heels.

"I'm not kidding, Meg. I think he loves you. And... I don't know if he's only just realized it but he must have wanted to tell you in some way-"

"The first time I visited him in the helicarrier he told me he wouldn't give me an answer until I win the games and get home. So I don't know if he loves me, but I'm severely doubting that he does. And I don't want to talk about it anymore, okay?"

"Okay. Are you ready for your first day at school- er, training?"

"Haha. Yes, I think I'm ready now. I have a renewed motivation to show off."

"Good." He points ahead to a door, "Technically I'm not allowed in there with you. Go in, find Gale, act like you're a loveable person-"

"Hey!"

"-then get to a training station. I'll see you later." He winks then turns on his heel and walks away.

I approach the door and plan to stop just before it for a focusing breath but it opens and someone very large pushes past me, shoving my arm hard enough to make me fall. "Hey!" I yell, but they barely glance back at me.

"Don't worry about him." Gale helps me up, "Gregorio; district 2. Scary, isn't he? Him and Jill just lost their spots on the career alliance. Their fault, not ours. Can't trust em. Welcome to training, Meg" he grins at me.

"Thanks. Want to show me around?"

He walks me through the major corners of the training floor, his arm around my shoulders. I stare at the other tributes that have already found their special skills. The careers are all over the weapons stations while other tributes are practicing things that will help them hide, escape, and out survive any pursuers. I spot Benjamin, the child of victors from district 6, and smile at him. He gives me a nasty look and turns back to trying to start a fire.

"He's not very friendly; don't bother."

"He's afraid, Gale. He's backed into a corner and lashing out."

"He's not a charity case, Meg. We're in the same boat and, to be completely honest, he's likely to go down with it. Or thrown off into the iceberg-"

"I do not need that mental image! Imagine if that was your brother-"

He stops me and turns me to him, putting his arms around me so he can whisper angrily into my ear, "I know. Don't you think it's crossed my mind? If you dare mention my brothers being in this situation again I-"

"You'll call off the deal? Fine. I'm fighting, Gale. I'm going to fight harder than you and still hope you can make it. Let's let the others kill us, m'kay? Stop planning how best to off me."

He starts pulling away, "I'm not-"

I pull him back, "Don't worry. I'm not going down without giving you a couple of scars."

"Meg, I'm not going to kill you-"

"Hey! Lovebirds!" A male voice calls, "We get it! You're hot for each other! Can we please get back to training now?"

"Dammit, Toby." Gale pulls away and I look around at the heads who have all turned to witness the scene. Gale steps past me and I turn to see him lightly punch Toby in the arm, "Couldn't give us our moment?"

"No way! Listen, I know I'm not the leader, but I really want to know if she's good enough to join our alliance."

"I told you-"

"I know! But I want to know she's useful for more than just a nice hug. We both do." He gestures beside him at who I remember is Bea. They're both blonde and have different shades of green eyes. It's almost like they're siblings. He notices me staring and explains, "We're cousins. Not the luckiest family, huh?"

"Er, I don't know how to respond to that."

Gale takes my hand and leads me forwards, "Let's try some survival stations, Meg. You can show off later."

"Later!" Toby calls after us. Like a promise that he's going to be waiting.


	14. More Tantrums

Gale stayed with me for most of the morning, only leaving when a station was solo training only or when someone called him away. I almost enjoyed the training. Sure, it was mostly what not to eat and what sort of leaves to put on what sort of wounds but that's important enough. By the time lunch rolls around I'm confident that I can survive better than I did while running from the Capitol. At least by a little bit.

I sit in between Gale and Toby with Bea, Henry, and Ann on the other side of the table. I barely pay attention to what's on my plate, too interested in the plans they're making. As I thought; they're going to siege the cornucopia. Jill and Gregorio will be tough to fend off, but with a combined effort they're sure it's possible. That's when, again, I'm asked if I have any special skills that could help them.

"Erm, I guess I can... Act as bait?"

"No." Gale says immediately. "Meg will find something tomorrow. She's a fast learner. I'm thinking something sharp, she's not really the blunt objects type" he elbows me playfully and I look down, blushing.

"Aww isn't that cute" Toby mocks on my left, "Maybe if she just keeps blushing she can distract others. They'll think she's weak and save her for last?"

"We're not taking that chance." I look up to see Henry. Tall, dark, and handsome type. His eyes are almost as light as Jacks though. He glances at Gale then his eyes are looking me up and down for the umpteenth time. "You look sturdy. You should work on building muscle. Even while we're in the games, some weight lifting will do wonders."

Sturdy? Should I be insulted? "So, you're asking me to do all the heavy lifting?" I think it's the first time I've seen him smile, and I wish he would do it more often. For a moment I don't realize the others are laughing until Gale touches my arm and I'm brought back to the present. "U-um, thank you for the tip."

"You're with us, Megan. We're all going to help you in any way we can. Right?" He looks around at the others and they nod in turn. He looks to his left at Ann and smiles, I think he's touching her leg, "Can you help her choose a station after lunch? She doesn't have to stay at it, but I want her to know where to go when she has time."

"I can do it. Then after you and me on the gauntlet again?"

"Yes." Their interaction is so simple and straight forward but I can tell how much they love each other. They both volunteered to be in the games and I don't understand why.

Something touches my cheek and I look over to see Gale leaning in close, "You're zoning out again."

"I'm thinking." When Henry looks back at me I ask, "Is there any way we can help Benjamin out?"

He's quiet for a few moments then straightens up in his seat, "We'll do what we can, but it's not smart to ask him to join us. He's a target. Everyone will want to be the one to take him out. If he sticks around the cornucopia and doesn't get himself killed by someone else then we'll let him stay with us for a while."

"And then?"

"And then we'll post him last watch during the night so he can be rested enough to run away. How does that sound?" I look behind him at one of the other tables where Benjamin sits alone with his head down. I'm glad that Henry already has a plan for him. That we're going to help him if we're given the chance. I also wonder if I'll be given the same chance. "Don't tell him. Let him make his own choice."

I look back at Henry, "I know. But I'm still going to talk to him."

"That's good." Bea says, and it's the first time I've heard her speak. Her voice is soft and almost wistful, "Someone needs to. He's very scared."

I smile at her, "You can come with me, if you want."

"I think I should try the rope course again. I keep falling for some reason and I don't understand it."

"Oh, alright. I hope you figure it out."

"Thank you." She goes back to eating her food.

Gale chuckles on my right and I look at him. He doesn't look my way so I lean in close to his ear, "I love you Gale" I say it just loud enough to be heard by the others but act like it was just for him.

He turns to me and leans back a bit when he realizes I'm still so close. His eyes shift over to the others then back to me, "I love you, too, Meg." I smile and peck his lips before turning back to finish my meal. Ha! How's that for playing my part well! But he doesn't let it end there, putting an arm around my waist and pulling me closer. He lifts up his fork with what I think is some kind of meat on it. "Try this" He says, smiling.

I open my mouth and let him feed it to me. Licking my lips I tell him, "Not as good as that pot roast you helped your mom with. Remember, it was your brother's birthday dinner and he just had to have pot roast?"

"I remember. Wasn't the cake purple?"

"For the last time, I'm sorry! I mixed up the food coloring! At least it didn't change the flavor..."

He looked around at the others, "It smelt like lavender. Our entire house did for a week."

"I said I'm sorry" I pout.

"Oh, come on!" Toby whines, "Forgive her!"

For a moment Gale looks like that was the last thing he would ever do but then his lips are on mine and his thumb is brushing my side. He pulls back again and there's more meat on his fork. I eat it and he laughs, "Alright. I'll forgive you for the food coloring but there's no way I'll ever get over the flower thing." I laugh and push my shoulder against him. Cute to everyone else, for us it's a covert way to put some distance between each other.

If anyone suspects something is odd about our relationship no one mentions. I don't like kissing Gale, it actually makes me uncomfortable, but I'm going through with it. I won't be the one to screw it up. We probably both need the advantage to impress sponsors. Gale is handsome, but he's not all that pleasant. I'm... Well, I'm just me. I don't need a reason but having one will help people relate to me and make them sympathize with the both of us. I hate that Jack is going to be watching me with Gale all the time, but I feel better since I warned him and he... Well, he wasn't happy about it. But he wants me to survive and this is just a part of that. I have to survive even Gale.

After lunch it's back to training. Ann helps me find a good station for muscle building and one of the trainers helps me to use it. It really helps to have a spotter; I nearly hurt myself a few times. By the time we all have to leave, my muscles definitely feel like they've gotten a work out. I trust that Henry knew what he was talking about but I feel like I should have been doing something else. Like, maybe, the rope course? I could have asked Bea to help me figure out a technique. Or followed Gale to the snare setting station. As if he needs the help. And I had thought about talking to Benjamin but he'd somehow avoided me all afternoon.

Gale catches up with me in the elevator and presses the button. He stands on my right and shifts on his feet a little, "I told you this would work out. Henry came up to me and asked me about us. About what I'm going to do with you in the games."

I stare at the doors and wait for them to open. "And what did you tell him?"

"I told him I wasn't letting you out of my sight."

"So, you lied?"

"No. I didn't." The elevator dings and I follow him inside.

Before we can get far into the apartment, a team of blue hurry up to me, "Megan Theia?" The one at front asks. He's not as sparkly as the others but just as blue.

"Erm, yes?"

"I'm your stylist, Gradin. And this is the prep team. We just wanted to check on you. Are you-"

"I've been taking care of my own style and things for years now. My mother taught me. I don't need much help but if you would please help me with an outfit for the interview I would appreciate it. Also, I don't really know what to do with my hair, I just have this clip that I use. Oh, and, one question; what's with all the blue?"

The stylist and his three helpers stare at me. I glance to my right and see Gale trying not to laugh. Gradin claps his hands together and smiles, "Good. You're all taken care of. We'll still have a beauty day before the interviews. It's a lot of fun; like a spa! About the blue; Polly told me you've been wearing a lot of it and we figured it was your color!"

"No, it's Jack's color"

"Who?"

Hmph. Figures. "A friend of mine. And neighbor. It sort of makes me feel at home. I-in a different way than Gale does." For added effect, and so they don't question anything, I grab onto Gale's arm. "Too bad Gale doesn't like him. I think they could get along if they really tried."

"Jack is the one that doesn't like me. I don't care one way or another except that he takes up more of your time than I like."

"Sorry." I turn back to the prep team, "My favorite color is silver. It's probably not something you would like to wear."

Gradin scrunches up his nose, "Yeah. Don't expect that to happen. We'll stick with blue." He smiles brightly and waves, already heading towards the elevator, "Tata!"

Once they're gone I ask, "Umm, don't the stylists-"

"I don't know. Must be some thing they're trying out. That and you're just impossible to live with." He starts walking towards the dining room and I continue clinging to his arm.

"No!" Polly shrieks when she sees us, "Go! Go away! You are both sweaty and gross and-"

"All natural?" I grin, "You're right, we should go change that."

"Save water; shower together!" Caelus shouts. I think he's already drunk.

Gale slowly turns his head to look at me, "Well-"

"No." I say strictly and unhook myself from him. I hurry forwards, ignoring Polly's protests, and grab the glass out of Caelus' hand, "You have had enough." He whines but I put the glass down on the other side of the table and go to my room. I have a longer shower than I need to and get dressed in fluffy pajama pants and a simple t-shirt. Then I think about the comments Gale or Caelus might make and put a light over-size sweater over top. I don't know when I starting being so self conscious but I definitely do not like it.

"Hey, Meg!" Caelus slurs as I sit between him and Gale, "Can you come ring shopping with me? I mean after you're done in the- the game. I need your insight so don't die alright?" His finger pokes my cheek and again, I steal his cup from him. "Hey! I was drinking that!"

"And now you're not. I think you need to go to bed, Caelus."

He looks at me like a wounded animal, "But I don't want to go back to the peacekeeper barracks-" He hiccups, "I want to stay here with my beautiful sister and her grumpy boyfriend!"

"Want me to take him?" Gale asks, and I glance at him.

"Please? Throw him in my bed if you have to, just make sure when he's down he stays down."

Gale nods and stands up to hook his arm under Caelus'. "Come on. Let's go get you cleaned up a bit. You don't want your sister to see you like this." Caelus, surprisingly, falls for it. Gale winks at me and leads the drunk man away.

"Well, now that that's settled." Polly starts, "How did training go? Gale tells us you made a good impression on the careers?"

"I guess I did. They're actually nice and reasonable! Not really what I expected but I think they're okay with me being with them? Henry, the guy from 1, gave me a few tips."

"That's great!" Faith speaks up. Beside Polly, her and James had been eating their meal quietly, "Have you put any thought into how long you're going to stay with them?"

"Erm..." I wasn't expecting that question to pop up. Faith knows what it's like though, and so does James. Of course they would think to ask me about my plans. "I'm thinking... I'll stay as long as I can. I don't know? I'm worried about Gale. A-and I want to help that kid, Benjamin. If I can. But about leaving the careers... Anything can happen. I don't think I should be planning one way to do things."

"Hmm. Well, just don't stay too late into the game. They'll start getting anxious and restless. everyone will. Near the end it's always better to branch off on your own."

"Yeah, because only one of us will come out of it." Gale flops down next to me, "It's going to be you, Meg."

I put down my fork and lean back, "Yeah, well. I hope so. I'm not fighting just for myself-"

"Of course you're not." He motions to the avox nearest for some of the liquid similar to what Caelus was drinking and hisses, "You're fighting for Jack. Cause you love him or some bullshit. Not like I deserve to go home or anything. Not like I have a family."

I hover my hand over the top of his cup so none of the alcohol can go in it. Gale glares but I ignore it, "I'm serious Gale. I'm surviving. And I'm really sorry about you, and about your family, but I can't just give up. I can't give up because being caught has already made me enough of a disappointment and I can't let Li-" I cut off. I can't say his name. I can't mention him or Stephanie.

I look at the food that had been set in front of me and stand from my chair, taking the plate and walking towards my room. Inside, I glare at the snoring Caelus. I didn't actually think Gale would put him in here. I sit on the floor against the bed, on the side that faces the TV. Taking the remote I turn it on to watch some of the highlights of past arenas. This is something I like to focus on. The arenas. Watching heads get bashed in with bricks is upsetting and foreboding. I can almost feel the shudder running through my body from the pinpoint where the brick hit their skull. Yes. Very upsetting.

I finish the meal uninterrupted and wonder if I've just suddenly become the type of person they all want to avoid. The selfish type. I know that it's wrong to talk about my winning while Gale is around. I know I should be more sensitive. But what I told him is true. I'm not fighting just for myself. Mostly for myself, I guess. It's not even about who you're fighting for. The games are simply about fighting, surviving, and entertaining. It only matters who you're fighting for if it can be used in your story. My reasons don't matter because none of them involve Gale unless I fight to keep him alive... Which I will do to an extent. I want to say I'll help Gale win but I'm helping myself first and foremost.


	15. Orange

Turning off the TV, I leave my plate on the dresser and pull one of the blankets out from under Caelus. I also take a pillow and set up on the floor. I'm sure Caelus would argue that I should have just slept next to him on the bed, or that I should have pushed him off of it; but I don't have the energy and I also need to be as alone as possible. I'd nearly mentioned Liam in front of a Capitol representative! Leaving was probably even more suspicious but they know I've been an emotional wreck lately so I won't worry about it. Maybe I will cry, just so I can go out and make a show of my tear-stained cheeks. Maybe apologise...

I roll over in my makeshift bed and stare at the door. It's easy enough to make myself cry. I don't really have to force it. Just thinking makes the tears fall. Soon enough I'm grabbing the plate again and walking out. Sitting around the TV, Gale, Faith, and James, all stop talking when they see me. An avox approaches me with her hands out and I give her the plate. I don't feel too bad about not saying thank you because it's actually a relief to be able to keep quiet.

I awkwardly bounce on my feet for a moment before joining the others, bringing my knees to my chest as I sit on the armchair, slightly turned so I can see the screen. No one says anything and I think my plan worked and they assume I was just having a breakdown earlier and needed to be alone. That I wasn't actually running away so I could shut myself up from telling them a secret I needed to keep.

"What are we watching?" I ask, my voice cracking a little. It's not pure acting but it is fabricated. I don't turn to look at them and try to look interested in what looked like a fashion contest.

"There was a Fashion Forward search last month. These are updates. Sort of where are they now." Faith answered.

"Oh. I didn't know fish scales were the look of the future."

"No one did. They were certain it was going to be metal. I suppose it's not far off."

"Metal fish scales. I would rather wear leaves as underwear."

"That's so three years ago, Megan." I look over and smile at her. She smiles back and we laugh a little before turning back to the screen. I noticed Gale from the corner of my eye. He's sitting closest to me with the other two on the far end of the couch. He's staring at me but I don't want to look at him let alone talk to him. I haven't been very sensitive to his situation and I feel like every time I talk to him I only make things worse.

But he doesn't feel the same way, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"Not very good. My soon-to-be girlfriend is trying to ignore me."

"Oh, Gale." I tilt my head to the side to look at him, "It's not going to be very spontaneous if you keep reminding me."

"It doesn't need to be spontaneous. React however you want to and it will just be manipulated. You can come on stage and slap me; they'll just think you're mad that I took so long to ask you."

"Or maybe they'll bring up the point that we're about to go into a fight to the death and you're asking me to be your girlfriend? Now who's the insensitive one."

"Still you."

"Cut it out you two" Polly walks in, rollers in her hair and a flourescent pink robe tied tightly to her body. What is with this woman and tight clothes? She looks directly at me, "I just got a call. You need to get down to the main floor immediately."

"Why?"

"Something about that boy, Jack Frost? Oh, I don't know. Just get down there."

I'm still in the fluffy red pajama pants and the pale green sweater but there is no way I'm wasting time just to get dressed. If something has happened with Jack, or even if he just wants to see me, I'm going to get to him as soon as possible. Ignoring Gale's comments, I hurry to the elevator, turn around to press the button, and realize I'm going unaccompanied. At least until I get to the main floor. With Caelus drunk and passed out on my bed, I should have known. Not like Polly would come with me, either. Just like last time, as soon as I'm off the elevator I'm put in the middle of four peacekeepers. They don't say anything as they lead me out into the dark streets and towards Sunny's house.

Arriving at Sunny's, I'm pushed inside and directly into her tight grip. "Oh, I'm so glad you're here! He hasn't come out of his room since you left! We can't very well force him out or ourselves in but I hope you'll convince him to let you inside?" She releases me and hurries towards the kitchen, "I'll just grab something for you to bring up to him! Just a little something!"

I'm not very sure that I'll be of any help but I won't mention it. If nothing else I know I won't get in trouble for kicking the door in and force feeding him some cookies. "Has he said anything?" I call back to Sunny.

"No, nothing really. Just the occasional refusal. He tries to be kind but whatever happened between you has obviously hurt him! Oh, sorry dear. I shouldn't have said that."

"It's fine, really!" No, it's not.

I hear Sunny's heels clicking on the floor and peek around the corner to see her carrying a tray with a silver platter with orange designs. The lid is on it so I don't know what's in it but it smells better than the meal I had. "Just something small. No biggy" She smiles brightly.

That is not something small. That is a tray full of food. and a glass of orange juice... Figures. "Thank you. You're really taking great care of him."

"I'm trying to! He's a bit stubborn sometimes." Yeah, I know.

I smile and take the tray, turning to walk up the stairs. Luckily no one follows me. At the bedroom door I carefully balance the try in one hand and knock with the other. "Jackson Overland Frost!" I call, partly just to annoy him. "You open this door!" I say it in a higher pitch than I need to, like I'm his grandmother and I'm scolding him. Does he have a grandma? Hmm.

"I don't wanna!" He whines.

More seriously I tell him, "Open up! I have food and you need to eat something before I get blamed for you starving to death!"

"I'm not going to starve to death! I don't want any of that food! I don't want the orange juice! And I don't want you in here!" So, I guess orange juice really is a regular thing here?

I think for a few moments before coming up with an argument, "I don't think this can really just be called food. You can rinse the orange juice out of the glass and fill it with water instead! Also; you don't have to let me in. Just take the tray and I'll wait out here til you're finished."

"You're not giving up are you?"

"Nope!" After a few moments of silence he opens the door. I stare at him. He's barely slept, and I know he hasn't eaten. His hair is a mess, his eyes are puffy and red. He's wearing the exact same clothes as he was when I last saw him. I hold out the tray and smile, "Nice to see you again"

He rolls his eyes, "I have a mirror, Meg. I know I look like crap." His voice cracks a little and he coughs to clear his throat. He looks at the tray then jerks his head back to tell me to enter. I turn to look at him when I'm in the center of the room and his eyes drift up and down, "I liked you better in the dress."

Once again, I hold the tray out, trying not to frown. "You don't like seeing me in pajamas? Well I guess this isn't what I normally wear to sleep anyway... They didn't have the kind of shorts I like so I settled on these."

He stares at the tray, "I'm not hungry."

"Yes. You are." I carefully balance the tray and sit against the end of the bed, on the floor. I put the tray beside me and wait for him to take a seat. He doesn't move. "Jack, just sit down before I jump on you and make you drink all the orange juice." He flinches and sits on the opposite side of the tray, on my right. I take the lid off and flinch with him. I don't know how it's possible but she found a way to turn all the food sunset colors. "She does know that sunsets aren't all about orange, yellow, and red?"

Jack lets out a short laugh, "I doubt it."

It's good to see him laugh, even if it's just for a moment. I pick up the fork and stab a yellow veggie, "This doesn't look so bad." Jack looks like he's both disgusted and about to drool. Putting the fork near his mouth I instruct, "Eat it. Eat the little yellow vegetable!"

He laughs again then opens his mouth just wide enough to tear the veggie off the fork and into his mouth. For a moment his face goes sour then he chokes it down and looks at me begging for another. I oblige with something that looks like it's supposed to be red. After a few turns of this he grabs the orange juice and stands up, "I need something to drink"

"Wait!" I put my hands out and he passes me the cup. I smile and drink the orange juice quickly. He stares at me like I'm insane. "What? I really didn't want you to waste it. All I had to drink today was water and some sort of juice that I think they make with pomegranates and blueberries."

"Want to trade?" He smirks, taking the glass.

"Yes. You can take my meals and I'll take yours! Oh and you can take Gale and Caelus. And Polly. And the silk sheets. Oh! And-"

"What are you planning to keep then?" He calls from the bathroom. I hear the tap running and wait a few moments while he rinses the glass out and fills it again. As soon as he's sitting again he takes a long drink then looks back at me expectantly.

I'm insane. I even like the way he drinks water. I smile at him, "I keep the clothes, James and Faith, the shower, and the once in a lifetime opportunity to fight to the death in an arena of the Capitols choosing! Oh, and, I want to keep the couch."

"So, I get the annoying kids, you get the good furniture, the good clothes, and everything you want?"

"That's the way it works isn't it?" I stab one of the tube shaped noodles and lift up the fork, raising an eyebrow at Jack. He nods and I eat the cheese covered piece of pasta.

"That shouldn't be the way it works. Maybe I want the chance at fame and riches. Maybe I want the nice clothes." He frowns and I know he's focusing on the games. I would never let him take my place in the games, even if it was possible. "And the training days."

"No way! I'm keeping those. Look at my muscles! Look!" I put the fork down to put my arm up and motion for him to feel. He reaches a hesitant hand out and rubs it along my upper arm. I laugh, "Not like that. Come on, Jack! Squeeze a little."

He does and I smile again. His frown deepens, "You're right. You almost have muscles now." Frowning along with him I eat another couple of cheesy noodles, admiring how creamy they are. I wasn't sure what to expect but I almost want to eat it every night for the rest of my life- however long that is. I put the fork down again and Jack immediately picks it up and rolls a sausage around. "How does she make everything orange?" he asks absently.

"I'm actually impressed." I comment then lean forwards and roll up my pant legs. "See? Muscles?"

The fork clangs on the platter and he stares for a moment. "If you were wearing a skirt would you still have done that?" He laughs and looks away, "And why are your pajamas red? You couldn't have changed before coming to see me?"

"I thought about it. And if I was wearing a skirt you would already be able to see my legs so there would be no need, right? Come on, feel!"

Once again, he stares at me like I'm insane. Then he reaches his left hand over and pokes at my knee. Then his hand flattens on it and rubs down slowly, "Soft. You must have gone through a major make over."

I frown even more, "They're always this smooth, Jack. Or, soft, like you said. And now there's muscle." His hand grips my ankle for a moment then stops it's movements. "What? No good?"

He bends over himself even more, his one hand still on my ankle. His head hangs over his knees and he doesn't look at me. "I shouldn't have kissed you."

I nearly choke. Where did that come from? We were just talking about how smooth and muscular my legs are and- And he's thinking about when he kissed me? I was never going to bring it up but now that he has, "You must have wanted to at the time?"

"It doesn't matter-"

"Hey, you brought it up. I'm not going to ask you why you did it or what it meant blablabla-" No matter how badly I want to. "-I just want to know that you- That you don't regret it? Or... Well, I guess what I really want to know involves asking you why."

"I don't really regret it. I just shouldn't have done it" he tells me softly. "I know what you're thinking. I didn't do it just because I thought it was my last chance. I wanted to. I've wanted to for a while but-" He looks at me and his hand runs up my leg to settle on my knee. "I wasn't sure how to- If I had to ask you first or if I had to just take the lead or- Stop grinning, I got a headache from it!"

I'm blushing, too, but gladly he doesn't bring too much attention to it. "You... You wanted to kiss me? Like, really?"

"Yes. Like, really." he mocks. Then he leans back and takes his hand away from my leg. Stabbing another vegetable, he holds it out for me. I eat it slowly and he watches me. As he puts the fork down he leans over the tray. I lean in, too.

"Ugh" I pull back and scrunch my nose up, "Jack, you need a shower." This, unfortunately, pulls me all the way back to reality. "And you need to finish your dinner! Drink your water!" I reach over and put a hand on his cheek so I can look straight at him. I say softly, almost regretfully, "And you need to get some sleep."

"Sleep with me." He says, then blushes a deep red, "I mean like we did that night on the train! Not- you know-"

"I know. Thanks for clearing it up though. Eat your dinner." I stand and walk into the bathroom, shutting the door. I walk to the sink, turn the tap on, and grip the sides of the counter tight enough to turn my knuckles white. What just happened? He was going to kiss me? And he wants me to spend the night? Should I? No, I shouldn't. Can I? Definitely. If they wouldn't force the door open before it's not going to happen now. They might check in but-

"Meg? I can hear you thinking through the door."

"You can not!" I say back to him, a bit snappier than I meant to.

"Yes, I can. I really don't want you to leave, so I hope that's not what you're thinking about."

"It- Nevermind. I'm staying, Jack." He doesn't respond so I guess he's leaving it alone.


	16. In Which Jack Dreams About Gale

I splash my face with the cold water and turn the tap off. Brushing a hand across my face I stare at my reflection. Something is different. I don't know what but something is.. off. Same dark hair that's just past my shoulders, same shadowed blue eyes. Similar figure but somehow both fuller and smaller than before. Unfortunately not fuller in the right areas and definitely smaller where nutrition counts. I've been eating well, haven't I? Stress, guilt, more stress. I can't keep it together and it's starting to show on my features. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to give in to a few wants. Get them off my mind at least.

But what do I want other than an escape? How do I escape without escaping? How do I let go of all these thoughts that are driving me insane? I want... I want to forget about Gale. I want to kiss someone I actually love. I want someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright but without making me cry. Something gentle but passionate. Something... Someone... I want Jack. I want his arms around me, and his lips and his words- I want us to have one good night before I possibly never see him again. Tomorrow is more training and scores. The next day is interviews. I'll be lucky if I get to see him.

"Meg?" Jack knocks on the door, "I finished dinner. Next is the shower, right?"

"Y-yeah." Quickly, I dry my face off. Then I open the door and smile, "I should probably bring the tray back down. I'll be back, alright?" I push past him and bend down to grab the tray. Straightening up I see him watching me. I keep my cheery composure, "What?"

He almost looks shocked, "Nothing. I was just worried."

"Don't worry about me, worry about yourself! I'll be back up soon." I walk to the door and ease it open. With a little wave to Jack, I close the door and hurry down the stairs.

"Oh, Megan!" Sunny greets me, standing from the couch. I continue to the kitchen and put the tray down without a word. She comes up behind me and lifts up the lid to frown at the food still on the plate. "He didn't eat it all. Was it no good?"

"It was excellent. After not eating for a while his stomach just shrunk a little. He told me to thank you." It's not all a lie. It was excellent, and his stomach probably was rejecting so much food. "I think I'm going to spend the night, if that's okay?" I ask, not looking at her. "To watch over him. In case he needs anything."

"Oh, yes. Please do. If there is anything I can get for you two just ask!"

"I think we'll be alright. Thank you. Can I request a wake up call?"

"Oh, don't worry about that dear. You'll get one. From me or Caelus, hopefully!" Doubtful. He'll be nursing a hangover. "And breakfast! I'll make you both some breakfast!" She smiles and I try not to stare at her golden lipstick.

"Okay. Thanks!" I rush off before she can drag me into a real conversation. I walk right into the bedroom and lock the door behind myself. I hear water running and wonder if he locked that door. Not that I would try it.

Laying on the bed, I cross my arms behind my head. How long does he usually shower for? Will I be waiting for 10 minutes or 40 minutes? Does he use soap or body wash? What does he think about? Life, the Universe? Me, or someone else? Himself? Since when do I care what he thinks about while he showers? Since when do I care that he showers at all? He always seems so... natural that I don't think about it.

The water turns off, 12 minutes later. After another minute or so he calls to me, "Uhh, Meg?"

"Yes?"

"I forgot to bring a change of clothes in with me."

"Oh." I think for a moment. "Want me to close my eyes?"

"Yes please!"

I do so and tell him, "It's safe! I promise not to peek!" The door opens slowly and I'm sure he's checking to see if I've really closed my eyes. I try not to laugh out loud. His soft footsteps wander over to the dresser and he pulls a drawer out, moving clothes around.

The frown in his voice is obvious, "What is with these clothes? There's nothing in here!" He opens more drawers and shifts through more of their contents. "Meg, can we please trade clothes? I'll take the fluffy pajamas and you take these... gold... shorts?"

"I don't think these would fit you!" I chuckle, "Hey, I don't mind what you wear. I mean, since I learnt you sleep shirtless I almost wonder if you usually wear anything at all..."

"Pajama pants. That's all I want."

"I can take a look, if you want? Girls are better at finding clothes."

"...Fine."

"So I can open my eyes?"

"Yes, but I should warn you I'm in a towel."

"Oh, good. If I had to see you naked I would be horrified!" I joke and open my eyes, slowly sitting up and swinging my legs over the side of the bed. My feet carry me to the dressers and I start poking around. "You'll be waiting for me when I get out of the games, right? I don't know what will happen to me if I do make it out alive but if it's bad I promise not to drag you into it. It would just be really nice to know that you'll be there..."

I look up into the mirror in time to watch his left hand land on my shoulder, his right holding the towel up. I turn my head to look at him and he leans in, kissing my nose. "I'll be waiting."

"Thanks, Jack." He's still so close to me. I can promise him I'll survive the games but it's still unlikely. What I can promise truthfully is that I'm not going to cry and that I'm not going to let him get away without knowing how much I love him. I turn my body to face him fully and put a hand over the one he has on my shoulder. Slowly, I lean towards him and close my eyes. He clears his throat and I groan, "What?"

"Remember how I shouldn't have kissed you the first time?"

"Very clearly, Jack. I don't care. Kiss me or I'm leaving. Think of it as my last wish-"

His hand moves from my shoulder and up to cup my neck. "All you want is a kiss?"

"There's plenty more that I want. I'm still not over the whole it's not right to be selfish thing so yes. A kiss. Please?"

His head tilts slightly and pulls me closer, "You can ask for more. I thought about it... This might be our last night before the games."

"I thought about that, too" I close my eyes again and when his lips touch mine a cool shiver runs through me. He presses me closer and his mouth moves against mine. I mirror him and it's so perfect- it's gentle but it's passionate. It's desperate but it's patient. I'm falling in love with him all over again... I put my hands up, moving them up his bare stomach to rest on his chest. He shivers.

"Fuck..." Jack whispers against my lips. I have to agree but not with words- that would ruin the moment. Then his other hand reaches up to my waist and pulls me tighter against him. His towel falls and I'm sure he doesn't notice but I certainly do. "Promise." His forehead leans against mine and my eyes slide shut again. "Promise this isn't goodbye. That you'll come back to me."

"I will. I promise I'll come back. Jack, I love you. Two weeks max and you can hold me in your arms again. I promise."

"Say it again."

"What? I promise?"

"The other thing."

I open my eyes and look at his content face. Does he feel the same? Or is he just letting me have what I want. I want to tell him. Again and again. "Jack, I love you."

His eyes open and he looks at me for a long moment. Then he smiles, "You can ask for anything, Meg. Whatever you want. Just ask."

"Keep holding me."

"That seems simple."

"It is. And it's all I want. I won't force you to say anything, and I won't ask you to do something you're not comfortable with. Just keep holding me." I press my lips against his for a moment before pulling back just a little bit to look into his eyes again. He nods.

Then he looks down. I try not to follow his gaze and when it snaps back up to me he looks grateful that I didn't. "Meg?"

"You're naked. I know."

He looks down at himself and again I don't follow his gaze. I'm not a pervert. Nor am I curious about- about that. "Crawl into bed. I'll get dressed and we'll meet up later," he grins and I nod again, turning from him. "Y-you didn't look did you?"

"No, I didn't." I move the covers away from the pillows and crawl onto the mattress. For the first time I realize that while I was in my pajamas I'm also not wearing any shoes. And again, like every night after they'd found me and brought me aboard the helicarrier, it feels amazing to have my feet up and on a soft mattress. They feel restless and I don't know what to really do with them but they're up and I'm resting and it's so nice... The bed isn't as soft as the one back at the apartments but it's still what I think floating on clouds is like. I close my eyes, turned towards the other side of the bed.

"I'm a bit upset, Meg." I can hear the soft amusement in his tone. "You just rejected me while I was throwing myself at you."

"You know why I had to do it."

"Of course I do. I'm still upset."

"You're relieved. I'm the one that's upset." My fingers clutch the pillow under my head as his footsteps near.

"What? You're not interested in a little role reversal?" The covers move away slightly then the mattress dips and suddenly he's right beside me, his body warming mine. Then the covers are over us both and I open my eyes to see his back. He's not sleeping shirtless tonight, apparently. "It could have been fun, you know."

After a few long moments I softly ask him, "You don't want to look at me? Is that why you're-"

"No." He turns around, "No, that's not it. I just thought that you would find me irresistible and try to jump me. I was using preventative measures." He smirks and puts an arm around me.

"If you're interested in preventing something from happening then why is your arm around me?"

"You ask too many questions."

"Only because I don't get enough answers."

He kisses my head and slowly we both drift off to sleep. I dream about him. About us. As a family, in our own house. Baking cream puffs and replying to letters from our friends. We're happy. I'm not sure what he dreams about but when I wake up, it's because his arm is leaving me and he's turning away to curl into a ball.

"Jack?" I sit up half way and put a hand on his arm, "Jack, are you alright?" I hear him sob and start shaking him lightly. He stirs but doesn't wake up. I shake him harder and he sobs again.

"No- Meg-" I hear him say. "D-don't- He's- Gale's going to- Meg!" He shouts and sits bolt upright, pushing me back. He claws at his chest and his throat then turns to me, his eyes wide. "Meg?! What happened?!"

I put my arms around him and he sinks against me. "You were having a nightmare. That's all. You're alright now."

"I'm alright?!" He asks incredulously. "You were- Meg, Gale was-"

"But he's not. He won't. We won't both make it to the final two and until then we have no intention of hurting each other-"

"You promised me you would survive! That you would survive even him!" Jack sobs against my shoulder. "You promised!

"I am going to survive, Jack." I rub my hand over his back, trying to soothe him. It isn't fair to make him promises like this but what else can I do? There are probably a number of things I could do but I can't think of any!

After a long while, after I make even more promises I likely won't be able to keep, he starts to settle down. "It isn't fair. Why did it have to be you? Why couldn't it have been..." He goes completely still and quiet and I know exactly how he feels.

"It's just not right for anyone to be chosen."

He nods in agreement. "Meg?"

"Yeah?"

"We're in bed together"

I laugh softly, "Yeah. Not like that, but it's still different, isn't it? Almost like we're finally adults and I'm not all innocent-"

"Not so much. But still enough that you're the same girl I fell in love with-" he cuts off and pulls away from me, looking away. "We should get some sleep."

"Do you want me to forget you said that?" Oh please no. Please say no. Say no!

He nods.

"It's forgotten, then." No, it's not. I heard it. I heard it, he loves me! His head tilts to the side and glances at me. I smile, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." He pulls me back against the pillows. "I don't want to wake up to peacekeepers this time alright?"

"Me neither. But I would prefer them to the wake up call Sunny promised." Jack groans and I laugh, "Yeah. But there's also going to be breakfast."

"Orange pancakes? Maybe waffles? And orange juice. Orange muffins-"

"Yum"

"Go to sleep, Meg. You obviously need it."

"Contrary to popular belief; I am not insane."

"Yes you are. Goodnight, crazy lady."

"Hmph. I would call you a bad name if I could think of any."

"Contrary to popular belief;" he mocks, "I am not perfect."

"Yes you are. Goodnight you perfect man."

"Snowflake."

"Icicle." We laugh together then slowly he's asleep again and I'm cuddled up against him listening to his steady breathing. I'm glad he can fall asleep so easily. But I'm stuck on the nightmare he had. It's not that I think he's psychic or anything but if we're both worried about it- No, the more important issue is that Jack is having nightmares. And they're my fault. I have to survive the games. I have to be there for him. Apparently even lying next to me doesn't keep them away but it will be easier to try when we're home. When I'm home and in his arms. Maybe we'll even move in together. I wish. I know I'll be moving out and I'll welcome him to join me but he won't leave his sister.

He said he's in love with me though. He said it and even though he wants me to forget it I won't. I never will. Even if it was just in the heat of the moment it's a memory I'm keeping and words I'm cherishing. I love him. He loves me. If, after the games, he can't be with me... I'll understand completely. I already know that I'm changing. I already know that by the end of this -if I see that end- I'm going to be a different person.

I just hope I'm like Faith and not like James. He's a quiet, brutal man, with far too much of his tragic story showing in his eyes. I don't blame him but I think that if I had to look in the mirror every day and see the things I went through in the games... I'll need to find a way out. Whether it's backpacking through Panem, drinking myself into a stupor, or taking up some sort of time-consuming hobby- I'll have to do something.

Jack stirs and I lift my head to see if he's alright. His face looks calm, and his heartbeat isn't too fast. He's either reacting to me or having a good dream. I'm fine with either. Maybe it's a good dream and it's about me?

Okay, this is too much thinking. I need to fall asleep. Focusing on Jack and his breathing, I keep my eyes squeezed shut. With my head on his chest I feel as it rises then falls. I repeat calming words over and over in my head using his rhythm and lull myself to sleep.


	17. Wake Up, Make Up, And Sunset

The next thing I know there's a knock at the door and Caelus' annoyed voice drifts through, "Wake up! And I am not a happy camper today so you better not be happy when you come downstairs!" His heavy footsteps lead away from the door.

"I don't want to" Jack whines beside me. I sit up and turn my head to smile at him. He smiles back and sits up too, then turns away to yawn, "Ah, sorry. Mornings-" He yawns again.

Laughing softly, I touch his arm, "You are so cute in the morning!"

"Cute?" He pouts, "Not handsome? Hot? Sexy?"

"Adorable."

"Hmph. You're adorable."

I smile at him, "If we're not downstairs soon Caelus will come up here."

"I'm beginning to like your bodyguard less and less" he frowns but swings his legs over the side of the bed.

I push the sheets away from my body and drag myself to the bathroom. I catch sight of myself in the mirror. Stepping closer to it I examine myself like I did last night. My hair is a mess, my eyes are still tired, the light sweater hangs awkwardly too far on one shoulder. I fix it and poke at my cheeks, frowning at them for no reason in particular. Yup. Still plain.

Jack appears in the doorway, fully dressed in different shades of red, leaning against the frame, "Admiring yourself? I didn't think you were the type." I try not to frown any more. That is my type. Dresses and mirrors and a little bit of makeup- But he doesn't know that.

"It's what people do. They look at themselves in mirrors and decide what their best feature is for the day."

"And what's yours? Because I can't tell. They're all... You are beautiful, snowflake." He walks up to me then stares into the mirror with me. "Maybe it's your eyes. I've always loved your eyes."

"You have?"

"Yeah. And your lips... Your nose, your chin, your hair! Do you get my point?"

"Nope. And I think my best feature is going to be my hands" I hold them up to examine them. "If I choose my eyes then I'll be worried about people looking into them. How can I lie to people when they're looking me in the eyes? No, I would prefer it if they looked at my hands and what deadly weapon I'm training with." I frown.

"Does that really work? Will they notice what you want them to?"

"Yes. Most of the time. Not like anyone has any intention of forming a long term friendship with me so they won't be trying to memorize my less obvious features- And I've always thought I'm quite plain so-"

"You are not plain."

"You like plain, don't you? Natural?"

"What's not natural about you? Are you half-rabbit or something?"

"...No-"

"You're perfect, Meg. I wish you would realize how honestly I'm telling you this. You're perfect-"

"And unique. Beautiful. Blablabla" I force the frown away and turn on the tap. "I need to wash my face so get out."

"Is it some sort of super secret ritual?"

"Yes. Out." He puts his hands up then leans over the sink, pushing me away. He cups his hands under the water and brings them up to splash his face. I jerk back, "Agh! You got me wet!"

"Weren't you going to do that anyway?" He smiles, grabbing a towel and drying his face. "Hurry up. I want to brush my teeth-"

"Oh, right. Your perfectly shining teeth." I roll my eyes and splash my own face with water. I don't want to go through my usual morning routine with Jack standing right beside me. Taking the towel from him, I move away so he can grab his toothbrush. He catches my eye as I'm gently dabbing my face dry.

"I never thought you were so... What's the word for it?"

"Girly? Sorry to disappoint."

"I'm not disappointed. This means there's another side to you that I get to learn about!" He grins as he brings the toothbrush to his mouth, "So that dress, and those heels... That was you? You weren't forced to wear them?"

"Exactly. I'm not all about playing in dirt and climbing trees. I like dresses. I like fancy stuff! I would love to go to a ball- especially a masquerade! And I would like it if you went with me to one."

He frowns and waits to talk until he's done brushing his teeth, "You don't like my kind of fun? What about laying in the grass, watching clouds?"

"If I didn't like it then I wouldn't do it. I like spending time with you, Jack. And I like seeing you smile. It's not that I don't enjoy myself it's just that sometimes I wish we could do things I like-"

"You never asked to." He shakes his head, "As soon as we're home, we'll dress up and go to one of your celebration parties together. I promise."

"You don't have to dress up-"

"If it'll make you happy, then I want to."

"And I can start wearing skirts without worrying that you're going to look at me weird?"

He smiles, his blue eyes looking me over, "As long as you're not half-rabbit; I don't think I'll ever look at you weird."

"Cause I'm pretty?"

"Because you're pretty."

For a moment I just look at him. He really does look good in the morning. "Am I allowed to say that I love you? Or is it going to make you uncomfortable?"

"Say whatever you want. Just remember that you have to go say the same thing to Gale and you have to be convincing."

"Oh."

"Yeah." He quickly, randomly, straightens out the items around the sink, "Oh. What do you plan to do during the interviews when he asks you to be his?"

"Be his girlfriend, you mean."

"No, I meant what I said. He'll probably say something stupid like-" he mimics Gale's voice, "will you be mine?"

I laugh softly, "You're probably right."

"And how will you answer?" His hands take mine, "When he asks you that question in front of all of Panem; what will you say?"

"I-I guess I have to say yes, right?"

Jack nods, "Then he'll kiss you. And you have to kiss him back as if you really want to. As if you're happy."

"Which I won't be?"

"I don't know. Will you be happy?"

My head shakes back and forth automatically at the thought of being that sort of happy with anyone else but the one in front of me. "Probably not. But if I screw up then the cameras will be all over it and I'll lose my entire fan base in a microsecond."

Grinning, Jack puts his arms around me, "I'll still be part of your fan base, Meg."

"Thank you. Now let's go get something to eat. You know, before Caelus takes his hangover out on us."

"He has a hangover?"

"Yup. He was really drunk last night. Ended up passing out in my bed-"

"Why was he in your bed?" he pulls away, staring at me with wide eyes.

"I told Gale to make him rest somewhere. He decided my bed would do. I wasn't in the bed with him, Jack." I sigh.

"You need to learn how to phrase things properly. You're scaring me for no reason! Like when you said Gale kissed you-"

"I know! Stuff just pops out of my mouth sometimes. But if I try to explain it before telling you what happens then I don't know if I'll ever make my point or if you'll really be listening-"

"I have never tuned you out before and I never will. Let's go, Meg. We can have a nice breakfast together. You know, before you leave me for two weeks."

"I love you."

He grins and leads me out of the bathroom, "I know you do. But as soon as you're out of here you can't. You can't love me. Not even in the back of your mind."

Out in the hallway, I stop him for a moment, "That's not possible. I'll always love you."

"I know you will" he backs me up against the wall and his hands cups my face, "But you know that you need to try to forget me. Just for two weeks. Then you can tell me again that you love me and I'll tell you if I love you too."

Technically, he's already told me. Instead of saying this, I pull him closer and touch my lips to his for one sweet moment. He doesn't tense or jerk away so I'll take that as a positive. "I love you." He just nods and starts walking towards the stairs.

In the breakfast nook, just off the kitchen, Caelus has his head on the table. Jack cautiously sits beside him, leaving me to sit beside Sunny who chirped a good morning at us which only made Caelus groan. "Oh don't worry about him, dears. He had a bit too much fun last night!"

"I wasn't worried." I tell her, "There's always someone around to look after him."

"He's not much fun right now," Jack comments a lot softer than I had, "Maybe he would feel better with some breakfast-" he reaches out and grabs an orange slice, holding it near Caelus, "Come on, man. Eat!" Groaning, Caelus pushes Jack off the low bench then stands and walks away- more like stumbles away.

"More for us!" I announce. "Oh, Sunny, this all looks so good!"

"To be honest it's more for you, Megan. You need your energy for a big day of training!"

"Oh. Right. Thank you." I don't know how I'd forgotten about it but I did. I've been thinking about everything except training so it just slipped my mind. "The eggs look good."

"Help yourself! Both of you! And there's orange pekoe in the kettle, or if you prefer orange juice then you're welcome to stick with that."

I look over at Jack and he's trying not to frown at all of the orange. I dish some eggs and a piece of what I think was fried ham onto my plate. Jack stares at me and I smile at him, "It's like waking up to watch the sun rise. Like the colors are covering the foods and the walls... It's beautiful, don't you think, Jack?"

Sunny looks at him expectantly and he answers, "Y-yeah. Amazing. You've captured the sun well, Sunny."

She grins triumphantly, "It's what I specialise in! Color schemes! I've decorated so many houses for so many interesting people-"

While she talks I eat and listen only half heartedly. Everything she says is interesting but I don't actually care right now. My mind is on the training centre. Will I go back to the station Ann directed me to? Or will I choose something I think I need more than muscle definition? Henry was right and that is something I should keep in mind but a whole day of that? No thank you. I need some survival skills. When I run from them, I'll need to be able to take care of myself. To find water, edible plants, set traps.

But I'll also need to know how to use a weapon. Small knives might not be a good idea, but I'll be taking one or two with me anyway. A sword, a spear. Henry says I'm sturdy, Gale says I'm not the blunt objects type. I say I'm a fighter but I need something that gives me a better range advantage. I can't let anyone get close enough to overpower or stab me. There are always different kinds of spears at the cornucopia. I just have to claim one. Maybe, at training, I can learn how to choose one for my style and abilities.

Something rolls onto my plate and I look up at Jack. He's almost turned green from all the orange. I pick up the muffin he rejected and hold it up with a questioning look on my face. He puts a hand over his mouth like he's going to throw up and I put the muffin down again. I've had enough to eat and what I really need to do right now is think. Plan. Scheme-

"Time to go, sis." Caelus yawns from just outside the kitchen, "You don't want to miss your date with Gale, do you?"

I look at Jack, "It's not a date."

"I don't care just let me go with you-"

"Not happening!" Caelus groans, motioning for me to hurry up, "And it's never happening. Hope you two said a proper goodbye last night cause you're not getting together again before the games."

"We didn't do what you think." Jack says, standing up. He takes my hand and we push past the laughing peacekeeper and towards the door. Stopping in front of it he tells me, "We'll see each other soon."

"I know. Two weeks." I lean forward and kiss his cheek, "I'll miss you."

"Two weeks, Meg. This isn't goodbye."

Ignoring the little voice in the back of my mind saying that, yes, this is goodbye, I kiss his cheek again, "I love you."

Caelus pushes Jack away and, ignoring our protests, pushes me out the door. Once again surrounded by 3 other peacekeepers we make our way to the training center. "You're not wearing that to training, are you?"

I glance to my left, at Caelus, "Can I?"

"I don't care."

"I know you don't. Why did you interrupt me and Jack?"

"You were being an idiot, Meg. Do you really think you can win the games and get back to him? You're making too many promises to the guy, just think of how he'll feel after you break them all."

Something like Liam does. I really am going to be like Stephanie. I'm going to hurt Jack and everyone else- I can't break my promises to them. I have to win-

"Meg, I'm your friend. I don't want to scare you but these are the Hunger Games. Everyone dies. There is no escape from that."

"I'll survive-"

"More promises." He sighs, hanging his head for a moment. "You're hopeless. And you're a fucking child. You need to grow up and be serious for once in your life before-"

"Shut up, Caelus."


	18. The May-Be Flat, The Pig, And The Fool

I do change before going to training. Luckily there's no one in the apartment so it's mostly in and out. Caelus doesn't leave my side but he's at least shut up like I told him to. I don't need to know how hopeless I am, and he doesn't understand what's going on in my head. I'm more serious than he thinks, and I am definitely not a child. He was supposed to admit it, per our bet. But whether he has a temper because of his hangover or because he genuinely dislikes me and has no hope left; that's his problem. I'm upset that he's decided to take it out on me but who else does he have? Then again, who else do I have?

Caelus was the one telling me I could make it, and he was the one I thought would have hope no matter what. He'd even yelled at Gale and told him that I was more likely to win! He called me a victor! But with his reassurance gone... I can't depend on anyone else to keep me going. I have to fight and I have to hope for myself. No one will keep me from that. Not Caelus, not Gale, not even Jack if he tried.

Have they reported anything about me? Does Liam know I'm at the Capitol? Does he know I'm still fighting? Is he cheering me on? Will he watch me when I'm in the arena or at the interviews? Will he bet on me? Has he cleaned up that house of his? If there has been something reported then that means Brian and Janet know about me too. And, well, everyone! I may not have a huge fan base, but I have supporters. People who actually know me and really want me to survive.

Luckily my outfit -which is very similar to the one I wore yesterday for training- doesn't spark any imaginative comments from Caelus as he escorts me down the elevator. He doesn't comment on anything. Then he leaves again without another word. I almost want to say something, but decide against it.

Gale greets me as soon as I step through the doors, "Hey, babe. Ready for another day?"

"Babe?"

"Yeah. Thought I'd try it out" He grins and puts an arm around me, "Where are we heading? Rope course? Fire making? Or we can sneak off somewhere-"

"I have a plan for myself. Sorry, babe, you're going to have to entertain yourself." His arm leaves me and I walk away without looking at his tired face any more. I guess neither of us got a good sleep last night.

I find a spear station and I try, I really do. I can't balance it, and I can't throw it. I can't do anything useful with it at all! The trainer suggested something lighter, something less blunt. Gale, who had been passing by, just laughed and said the classic I told you so. But that led me to a weapon I didn't really want to begin with. A sword. One that's light, about the length of my arm, has only one sharp side and is mostly flat. The first time I play around with it -the trainer wanted me to get a feel for it- I find that it's actually really fun. Then I'm being taught how to use it properly and it's not just fun but it's deadly and, frankly, intimidating.

"Hey, Meg!" Toby runs up to me. I fumble with the sword and it falls to the padded floor. "Looks like you've found something that might be useful!"

"I could have killed you, Toby! You're not supposed to surprise people when they're holding sharp things!" I try to sound angry but it seems to be impossible to hate this guy. I smile at him as he hands the sword back to me, "You really should be careful."

"I'm not afraid of you, Meg." He steps closer and I hand the sword over to the trainer so neither of us get poked. Toby is even closer to me now, his breath tickling my nose. "And I have a feeling you're not afraid of me either." Where's his carefree, jokester attitude gone? He's staring down at me, a wicked glint in his eye. He's taller, has more muscles, and is generally just bigger than I am. But he's right. I'm not afraid of him. I should be but I can't afford to think like that. I can't be afraid, and I definitely can't show it.

"You're right. I'm not afraid of you." I straighten up as much as I can and he grins at me like I'm some kid trying to convince him I'm a big girl now.

"Right. Thing is; you should be afraid of me."

"Oh? And why is that?"

"Because when you make it past the bloodbath, when you're with us; there will be nothing distracting me from getting my hands around that neck of yours. And not even Gale can stop me. Understand?"

"You won't kill me. Not in front of them and not before we're almost the last ones left. It doesn't need to be Gale who stops you; it can be any of the others." I blink and my stony expression fades into a sickly sweet smile the way Janet used to barter with merchants. First, she intimidates them; makes them understand she knows what she's talking about. Then, even more frightening, she becomes the sweet woman they thought she was. Personally I always thought it was frightening for someone to switch between the two so easily. It frightens others, too. I need Toby to know I'm stronger than he thinks. So, mimicking my adoptive mothers' voice, I tell him, "Besides. Where do you think my hands will be when yours are around my neck?"

"Someplace sexy?" He smirks, but I see a flicker of doubt in his green eyes.

"Thing is, Toby-" I lean closer, my mouth next to his ear, "you should fear me."

He flinches back and turns away quickly, shooting a glare over his shoulder, "You'll get yours."

I glance around for Gale. If he saw that, he might think something of it. Anyone might. All I see is three people staring at me; the twin tributes from 12 -who are adorable in a wide eyed way like deer caught in a spotlight- and Aaron, the boy from 11 who looks like he's just trying to follow along with the other two. I smile at them and the twins turn away. Aaron glances at them but leaves their side to approach me.

"Megan, right?"

"Yeah. And you're Aaron?"

"I am. You're with the careers, aren't you?"

"Invite only, Aaron. I'm sorry."

"I know. If only we could help everyone, right?" He smiles slightly and looks over to the trainer holding the sword I had been practicing with. "If you get the chance, you'll be coming after us with that?"

"If I get the chance I'll be using it to defend myself. I don't want to kill anyone. Do you?"

"...If I have to, I will-"

"Meg!" I hear Gale call me and look behind Aaron.

"Umm-"

"I'll go. See you in the games, Megan." Aaron glances at the sword one last time then turns and walks away.

Gale puts his arms around me and whispers, "Should I be worried that Bea saw you with Toby?"

"He was giving me some tips." Yeah like not to follow him into any dark areas. "Very helpful. Why can't you be that helpful?"

"I can help you." He turns to the trainer and takes the sword, signalling for another one to be brought over. He hands me the first one and when the second is passed over to him, he gets into a stance. "We're both amateurs at this, right? This is good for practice."

"If you get hurt-"

"Watch yourself. People might think you're tough."

"I am." I bend my knees, turn my body, and hold the sword loosely in my right hand.

"I know you are." His stance is basic, he's thinking of it as just another sword. He was given the exact same one as I have but he's thinking of the heavy, double-bladed ones. "You know my weakness, my strength; you know me. Stop staring at me like there's more to learn."

"There is always more to learn about a person."

"I can see that." For a few moments he stares at me. Then his foot twitches forwards and he lunges at me. I go left, twirling and aiming at him with the dull side of my sword. It hits him in the back and he stumbles forwards, just catching himself and turning on me with wide eyes, "So you do know what you're doing?"

"No, I'm just better than you." I grin, pointing the sword at him. "Still want to take me on?"

"I'm always up for a bit of one on one with you, Meg." He returns my grin and tries to copy my pose. He's observant and manages something like what I'm doing. "Especially if I manage to learn something from it."

"I'm a great teacher. What more could you ask for?"

"Just... a bit... more." his eyes leave mine and travel down to my chest.

"Pig."

"Flat-chest."

"I'm not flat you stupid-"

He lunges at me again and I try to make it to the right but he drops his sword and tackles me to the ground. We're both unarmed and I try to push him off but his hands pin my arms down while he sits on my mid. "You could learn something, too. Like to keep your temper in check."

"You called me flat-"

"Because you are. You don't need to get angry-"

"Of course I'm angry, you pig!" I yell. "I am not flat! You're just so two-dimensional you can't see anything when it's popping up in front of you!"

"Wha-"

"You know what I meant!" I glare. He just grins and leans down to touch his lips to mine. I want to turn away but there's that nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that it would be a stupid thing to do. I don't kiss him back though and when he pulls away only part of the sour look on my face is gone, "I'm not going to forgive you."

"You're not completely flat, Meg. I just know it gets on your nerves."

"Yeah, it does! Cause I am not flat!"

"She's really not." Toby says, suddenly kneeling inches away from us, "You should look from this side."

I bristle and Gale pushes him away, "Shut up, man. You ruined a private moment."

"Private? In here? Look around, lovebirds. Everyone is watching." Sure enough, when I turn my head either way, there are eyes pointed in our direction. Gale helps me stand and I consider punching the blonde. But he backs up, palms raised, and smiles before walking away.

"So if I'm a pig, then what is he?"

A threat. "A fool."

"And a pig?"

"No, you're the only pig I see."

"That's so sweet." Gale pulls me against him and whispers in my ear, "Now what do you really think of him?"

I think I need to watch my back around him. He doesn't seem to have anything against Gale or the others except that he doesn't want them protecting me. I won't tell them. This is my problem. I choose my words carefully but worry if they're right, "I'm not afraid of any of them, Gale. They can do and say whatever they want but I'm not afraid."

"Did he say something to you, Megan?" His voice is, if it's even possible, even more serious than it was before. Almost grim. "Did he try to scare you?"

"Now why would he do that?" I ask, trying to lighten the mood, "We're teammates, aren't we?"

"I'm not sure that means anything to him. If he did anything to you-"

"He didn't. He's helping us, you know. Calling us lovebirds and breaking us up like that."

"I'm just saying-"

"I know. Back off, Gale. He isn't giving me any trouble." I push him away and turn back to the trainer that's holding the swords out. Considering Gale just knocked me to the ground there are several things I still need. Speed, balance, strength, pretty much everything. I got lucky with the first hit. "I have stuff to do so we'll catch up later alright?"

"Fine. Be careful, those things are sharp." He hurries off. In the direction Toby went. I sigh and follow behind him, trying not to be obvious about it.

I hide behind a pillar, watching as Gale confronts Toby not too far away. "What the hell did you say to Meg?!"

"I didn't say anything to her. Why, did she say something?" Toby asks blankly, picking up the hand weight he'd dropped in surprise.

"No, she didn't. I know her, and I know when someone's been-"

"What? Mean to her?" Toby grins, "I'm the nice guy, remember? If you're getting mad at me for being honest with her-"

"How honest were you?" He asks, advancing on Toby who just stands his ground.

"I told her she should be afraid of me. I told her I'm going to choke the life out of her when no one is around to hear her scream. When you're not paying attention."

The two glare for a moment. "You're not getting that chance."

"Only one of us comes out of this alive. If you just turn your back for one minute-"

"I'm not going to let you hurt her!"

Toby drops the weight, forcing Gale to jump back. Suddenly Gale is pressed against the wall and Toby is baring his teeth, "You can't save her."

Gale, calm as ever on the outside, tells him, "You want me to help you? Don't touch her. You fucker, if you lay one finger on her, if your shoulder so much as brushes hers-" He pushes the blonde away roughly, "-I will kill you. No matter where we are, no matter who we're with. Do you hear me?"

"Yeah." Toby huffs, "I hear you."

I roll over to press my back against the pillar as Toby walks away behind it. Gale curses and I hear a thud as his fist collides with the wall. He shouldn't be protecting me like that. Toby is going to be more careful, and he's not going to be so obvious when he tries to kill me. I need to learn how to sleep with one eye open and a hand on my sword. Gale won't always be there. Even if he promises.

At lunch, there isn't much discussion. Toby had taken Gale's threat to heart and switched sides with Bea. I spend most of the time trying to talk to her but she doesn't say much. Now and then Gale's arm snakes around my waist and I look up to see Toby watching me. It's unsettling, to put it lightly. But for now it's nice knowing Gale is protecting me.

The other tributes had 3 days of training. I had two. No one talks about it but I'm sure they all know what they're going to do in their private sessions. I don't think I'll get a very high score no matter what I do and it's probably better if that's the way it is. I've been getting enough dirty looks from everyone. Especially district 2. I haven't had much interaction with anyone outside our group but they all notice me. Because I ran from the Capitol. Because I made it farther than anyone expected me to. I lived. But I was pulled back. They're thinking I'm not as strong as my record makes me seem.

But I am. I'm strong. I'm a fighter. And I know what I'm going to do in my session. Good thing they're private or I might be embarrassed for going through with it. It's a stupid idea, but I'm guessing all the judges, or at least the one that matters, knows about my escape. My adventure, my journey. Whatever it's called. They already fear me. They already know I have a chance. They'll squash it, if they want to. Give me a high score to make me a target. Give me a low score to make everyone think they can just hop along and pick me off. I'll get one of either. There is no in between, I'm sure of it.

Ann leaves first. Then Henry, with a simple glance towards me. I'm taking it as his way of saying good luck. Then it's district 2, 3, and when Benjamin is called I turn to Gale.

Before I can say anything he crushes me in a hug, "You'll be fine."

"I know. I'm worried about you." I hug him back.

"You're going to do something stupid, aren't you?"

"Oh, yes. Absolutely."

"Why?"

"I'm taking a chance, Gale. Putting my fate into their hands blablabla. They already know what score they want to give me. Nothing I do will change it."

"This doesn't mean you're giving up, does it?"

"I'm not going down as some toy. They can see me as the stubborn chick I've always been-"

"You're not that stubborn-"

"I don't care! I'm not going down without a fight. Not here; not in the arena."

"I love you, Meg." he whispers in my ear, "As a friend, as a sister, whatever. You're family, and I don't want anything bad to happen to you. But that's not the way it works here. Family doesn't mean anything-"

"Family always means something. We'll still be family when we're dead, right?"

"Right. But, Meg, if it does come down to you and me-"

"Then we'll take our time. Let the mutts decide which of us wins. How about it? Truce?"

"Truce." He chuckles, "You have an answer for everything, don't you?"

"I get lucky sometimes. Did I mention I love you, too?"

"I know you do. So tell me, what are you going to do?"

"I'll tell you if I get a high score."


	19. She Can Handle It

The rest of the day, I barely say anything. I don't know if I made a mistake- it felt right at the time. But now, as we wait for the program to start, I'm afraid I really did something I shouldn't have done. Gale doesn't say much of anything either, and neither does Caelus. That leaves Faith, James, and Polly to keep up a conversation. But for the most part they try to get hints out of us. I'm not telling them anything until I see my score. I learn a few more helpful tips for during the games but otherwise their voices are drowned out by my thoughts of regret.

We all crowd around the couch. I sit on the floor with Gale and Faith at my sides on the couch. Faith puts a hand on my shoulder and I smile up at her. Then I lean my head to the right, resting it against Gale's leg. He pats my head and we continue staring at the screen where Caesar Flickerman is doing his introduction.

"Okay, who bets on Meg having the higher score!" Caelus shouts. Everyone turns to the right, where he sits on the armchair. "What?"

"Everything I own on Gale." I say.

"Same." Gale mumbles.

"You can't bet on yourself!"

"If I can't bet on myself then I'm not betting. You can't beat me, Meg. I showed them my hunter skills. You know, laying traps-"

"You had 15 minutes!"

"It was more than I needed."

"Pig."

"Flat-chest"

"Hey!" Caelus interrupts. "She is not flat! Also shut up the scores are starting."

"Apologise, you two. You shouldn't be calling each other names like that!" Polly's voice makes me cringe. I'd actually forgotten she was there, on the end of the couch to my left. She's not sitting exactly. More like crouching. I don't think she can sit in that emerald colored skirt. Someone should keep an eye on her in case she starts suffocating.

"Sorry, pig." I mumble.

"Sorry, flat-chest."

Before Polly can argue Caelus says, "That's good enough! They're already missing it!"

I have been paying attention. My banter was only half hearted as I frown at the high numbers for both district 1 and 2. I was not expecting Bea to get a high score but she got a 10. Whatever she did it must have been good. Maybe she figured out the rope course?

"They already know what the arena will be, right?" I ask as district 4's tanks get their 11's. "Did they put that into account?"

"I don't know." Polly frowns. "I'm not told information like that."

Benjamin gets a 7. I'm surprised but it gives me hope that he can actually take care of himself. After the other girl from six, it's Gale's turn. I put an arm over his legs, still resting my head against him.

"District 7... Gale Hawthorne." Caesar begins. "A modest score of 10"

Everyone jumps up and cheers, Caelus and Faith -the only ones who can reach easily- pat him on the back. Polly says something and they ignore her. Modest, though? A 10 is not modest. Maybe for someone like Gale it's modest but he must not have really put his all into it.

Still sitting on the floor, my eyes are glued to the screen. Around me, the others settle down. I swallow around the nervous lump in my throat then Gale is taking my hand. This is it.

"District 7. Megan Theia." Caesar looks into the camera then off to the side, appearing to read something there. Did something change? Are they re-writing his script? I panic, squeezing Gale's hand. He flinches but I ignore it, now watching as Caesar turns back to the camera with a smile. Whether it's genuine or not I can't tell. "For Megan Theia there is an impressive score of 11."

The nervous lump sinks down my throat and chokes me. Everyone else is stunned and I'm just scared. I've gone too far. I've pissed off the Capitol and risked more than I should have. I was already a target. Now I'm more than that and I don't even know what more than a target is! I'm dead, that's what I do know.

The program ends, the screen is shut off, and still no one says anything. I want to stand up and leave but I can't move. I can barely breathe. Gale's hand leaves mine and I don't blame him. Even I thought he would beat me. And now... Now I'm ranked above him -far above him- and I'm also going to be harder to protect- if he planned to do that anyway. He's said he does but the games change people. There are no rules and morals don't count for anything. He doesn't have to keep his word. I don't want him to. I'll be putting him in danger.

"How the fuck did you get a score like that?" Caelus yells, standing from his armchair, "Are you fucking the gamemaker?"

"N-no. I'm not. I just-"

"What did you do?!" He asks again and I flinch.

"I didn't do anything-"

"You obviously did something!"

"I'm serious, Caelus. I didn't do anything. At all. I sat down, right in front of them, and I did nothing. I-I thought- I don't know what I thought." I tear my eyes away from where the screen was and look at Caelus, "I really screwed up, didn't I?"

"What are you talking about?" Polly puffs, "That's an excellent score-"

"She's not going to make it past the bloodbath." James announces. I hang my head. "She just lost any chance she had at survival."

"That's not true." Faith tells him softly. "She has a chance. Because she's not going to give up. She's going to fight. And she'll make it past the bloodbath."

"You don't know that." He whispers back, "You're giving her false hope-"

"It's better than having no hope at all." I comment. It shuts them all up and I stand more steadily than I expected. "I'm tired so... Goodnight, everyone. And, if I don't feel like saying it tomorrow... Goodbye." Without looking at anyone I walk away, trying not to fall at each step. It seems like within seconds I'm collapsing onto the bed and curling into myself.

Jack knows that score. Liam knows that score. Everyone in Panem knows that score. Sponsors know it, sure. But tributes will suddenly be aware of it, too. They'll be aware of me, even more than they already are. I'm afraid. I can almost feel their knives digging into my skin already. Carving at my muscles and veins- I shiver, almost spasm, at the thought of their violence and the feeling of my skin crawling. Gale knows how to skin a squirrel, doesn't he? How much different-

There's a knock at the door and I groan, covering my head with a pillow. Don't come in, don't come in.

The bed shifts and I wonder how much time is skipping past me. How long have I been in here? For all I know it's been a few hours already. Whoever is beside me, they try to take the pillow away from my head. I clutch onto it like it's the only thing keeping me alive until, I don't know how long after, it's taken from me. I hold my arms over my face, not willing to look at them or say anything.

"Meg, look at me." Whose voice is that? I should know this; not like it would be anyone other than Gale or Caelus. But Gale wouldn't come visit me, and Caelus doesn't sound like that. "Megan..."

I move my arm slightly and stare at him. James. He's sitting against the edge of the bed, his hand on my knee. I don't want to say anything to him. He's right. Might as well consider me dead already.

"Faith is right." That's not what I was expecting. "You don't need to be surprised. Of course she's right. She's sensitive to other people when they're hurting but she's also brilliant. I just wish she could be psychic too. Then she would have been able to shut me up before I said that to you."

"You're right-"

"No, I'm not. You are, Faith is. Hell, even Caelus when he's not in a bad mood. You're all right because, Megan, you're not dead already. You're going to make it past the bloodbath and you're going to fight. I won't tell you that you'll win and make it home, I won't tell you that it will be easy. It's going to be the single most difficult experience of your life. I'm sorry about that. But what I will tell you is that you do have a chance. You were given an 11 because you're a threat. They don't want you to come out of this alive but if you do they're going to be on their knees trying to make you happy."

That's not really true, is it? I would go my way and they'll stay theirs no matter what. The only times a victor would have to cross the Capitols path again would be during Where Are They Now, the Victors Tour, and the next games when they're expected to be a mentor.

"You're not dead yet, Megan. Stop acting like you are." With that he pats my knee and stands up.

I catch his arm, "Does it get easier? Is it possible to forget?"

"Yes... And no." Like the stoic man I was sure he is, he leaves the room without another word.

How do I stop acting dead? I'm tired, I want to rest. What did he mean? I have nothing to do- Caelus told me I'm not allowed to visit Jack anymore. The program is probably over already and every tribute has received their scores. I'm not hungry- but I wouldn't mind a drink. Standing, I correct my balance before walking on.

"Meg!" Caelus greets, apparently already working on getting himself drunk. Two nights in a row? I hope he's not developing an addiction. "I thought you were asleep!"

I sit on the couch next to him and steal the glass out of his hand to take a drink. It tastes like pure sugar was used to cover the bitterness I'd expected. It's awful. "Why do you drink this stuff?"

"It's the most expensive stuff they have. Why not?"

"Is there anything, I don't know, actually good?"

He takes the glass away from me and calls something to the avox nearest. Do they hang around here all night? I feel sorry for them if they do. A pitcher of something is placed on the coffee table in front of us, along with another glass. The avox woman fills the glass with what looks like whatever it is and I pick it up immediately.

I take a drink. Then another, longer, drink. "This is a lot better."

"I shouldn't be encouraging you like this." He shakes his head but takes another drink of his liquid sugar laced alcohol, "Drinking is a very bad habit."

"Is that why you're getting drunk again? Habit?"

"No. Fear. Of being sober and conscious while you and Gale are in the games. Don't worry about things back home, Meg. I'll take care of everything for you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... If home crosses your mind, push it back out. You need to concentrate and not worry about something that's both out of your control and taken care of. Now shut up and drink up! You have a long spa day tomorrow!"

"Ugh. I swear, if they try to make me up like a doll I will scream. I already go through my own beauty treatments and I have a very strict way of-"

"Making yourself pretty?"

"I keep myself mostly natural so nothing comes back tenfold and makes me look like the moon or a werewolf. If they touch my eyebrows I'm going to-"

"Scream?" He chuckles and pats my knee, "I don't think they'll care."

"I was going to say hit someone but okay I guess I can scream too." I take another long drink and frown when I notice I've already drained the glass. Leaning forward, I pour more. Then Caelus' glass is next to mine and I fill his too. "Had enough sugar for the night?"

"Shut it. Why are you drinking, anyway?"

"Oh, you know, the usual."

"I guess you should get it out of the way. Tomorrow night is party night but neither of us are allowed to drink then. Hey, speaking of getting firsts over with-"

I sigh. Loudly.

"I'm just asking if you and Jack-"

"We told you, didn't we? Nothing like that happened."

"That's a damned shame."

"Isn't it? I had him naked right in front of me and-"

"You didn't take advantage of him?" Caelus shakes his head, "You poor thing. And what an idiot. He should have pushed you onto the bed and done whatever he wanted- not like you would complain."

"Right. Shut up, Caelus. I'm trying to drink my sorrows away."

"Don't expect me to let you do this when you're back at home."

"If I get home I get to do whatever the hell I want to do. Got it?"

"You won't even do what you want now, what makes you think you'll be so bold after?"

"Just a guess." If I can face down 23 others in a fight to the death and survive them all then, for sure, nothing will ever hold me back.


	20. She Needs To Chill

It's the last day I'll be in the Capitol. My stylist, Gradin, along with his team of blue, swept me along in the afternoon for a spa day, like they'd promised. It was like I expected, even after I refused to let them use certain beauty treatments on me. Luckily it wasn't a big issue for them. They poked at my skin, played with my hair, and eventually decided they could let it go and just let me have a day of rest and relaxation. Which was really all I needed after a night of drinking and arguing with Caelus. I'd expected a hangover but what I got was much, much worse. Even he didn't have it as bad as I did. His hangover was gone by the time I woke up, half dead, and curled up in the shower. Caelus was standing there, laughing as he turned the water colder. I decided, shortly after I forced him under the frozen water with me, that I was never drinking with him again.

Gale wasn't around before I left, and I doubted I would see him before the interviews. He was probably undergoing his own beauty treatment. Universe knows he needs it. I'm not sure if I really want to know what he's going to say ahead of time but to have some sort of idea would be nice. What Jack said, about Gale simply asking if I'd be his, is the most likely outcome. Should I smile, cry, or slap him? Wait for the moment then make a quick decision?

What I should really be focusing on is my own interview. What will Caesar ask me? How will I respond? We have a limited time, right? And there shouldn't be more than 5 questions. Especially not if they require more than yes or no answers. He'll ask me if I have anyone I'm in love with, I'll say yes. If he asks me if I'm ready for the games, I'll say yes. If, by likely chance, Caesar asks me if I'm afraid... I'll say no. Honesty. Easy truths. That's what I plan to stick to. If he asks me something more complicated I'll just lie through my teeth.

Gradin dresses me in a midnight blue dress that ends just above my ankles with a slit up to the middle of my left thigh and only one shoulder strap on my right. It's beautiful. It even sparkles! One thing I got to choose is the silver heels from which spiral straps curl up just above the line where the dress cuts off. I have light make up on, the blush being what they focused on. I never thought I would let my hair be curled any more but the blue-clad stylists make my hair bouncy, the large rounded ringlets flipping around my face softly as I twirl in front of the mirrors.

"Think I'll make a good impression?"

"You know you will. I'm betting on you, girl. All the way." Gradin winks at me as he observes my twirling.

I stop and smile at him, "Thank you for making me look pretty, Gradin."

"You were already pretty. I just helped a little."

"That you did." I laugh lightly, looking at myself in the mirrors again. This is how everyone in Panem will see me. The combination of high heels and the slit in the dress make my legs look incredible and long. I look tall. Mature. The mascara they used makes my eyes pop and I used to think that was a bad thing but whatever they did- it works for me. The lip stick they used won't rub off even if I make out with Gale or sip champagne all night. It's a light pinkish color that's mostly used to balance the light blush and mascara. I love it, and I'm actually upset that they didn't let me keep it.

"Gale is going to love it," Gradin tells me as he admires his teams work.

Yeah, he will. But what about Jack? After I told him I like getting dressed up for formal occasions, will he still think this is weird? We've known each other for two years and the only time he's seen me in a skirt was about a week after we first met, at a festival. I was with Gale and Jack was alone but also surrounded by everyone. Either he finds it weird or he likes it. If he simply accepts it I know I'm doomed to be rejected by him. If I survive long enough for that.

What will Brian and Janet think? They've been my parents for very nearly nine years. When my name was called, what were their reactions? I've been assuming that they were some of the ones who helped keep the peacekeepers back but I'm not so sure that that's the case. They probably stayed with the Hawthornes, mourning the loss of both me and Gale. There was no celebrating for either families and I hope they didn't just separate immediately. After a while they would. They couldn't wish for either of us to survive around each other. If Gale survives, Brian and Janet lose me. If I survive, the district loses the great Gale Hawthorne. Or they could all lose us both. No matter what happens nothing will ever be the same.

If I could crush the Capitol, end the games, then I would be okay with what they put me through. I would get over it. Unless that happens I will likely be a bitter old woman by the time I'm 25. I'll need a house with a porch so I can yell at kids from it. Annoying brats trampling my hydrangeas. Get off my damn lawn! If Jack heard me talk like that he'd look at me like I'm insane and then quickly throw leaves, dirt, or snowballs at me to make me chase him. To make me cheer up and have fun.

"What are you thinking about?"

The man I love. The life I used to have. The life I might have. "Gale. I wonder if he's as nervous as I am." It's not a bad thing to start the lies early. Gradin doesn't know about Jack or anything of what's really going on. I can't be too truthful around him either way; he works for the Capitol just like everyone else does. The difference being that he doesn't care for me and he doesn't sympathise with what I'm going through. I'm a job to him. A doll that he wants to proudly show off to his frenemies in the make over business, not a girl that's about to be thrown into a fight to the death against one of her best friends and 22 others.

"I'm sure he is. I hear he has a surprise for you!" Gradin grins and I wipe the smile off my face.

"Oh no." I blanche, feigning fear.

"No, no, no! You'll enjoy it!"

No I won't. It's just something else I have to suffer through to give myself that much more of a chance for survival. I smile slightly at Gradin, "I trust him. Thank you for warning me though!"

After some more final once-overs I'm escorted through hallways and towards the stage where Caesar is likely entertaining the crowds. I hope he's not wearing blue. I hope he's wearing purple. That's a color I haven't seen a lot of recently. I wonder what Gale is wearing. Something like mine? Midnight blue and made to make him look more mature -if that's even possible. I almost hope he doesn't look good. I almost hope he won't even catch my eye. But he has to if the plan is going to work.

"Meg!" I hear just before a hand catches my arm and pulls me to a stop.

"Caelus! I wasn't sure if you'd be here!" He's in full peacekepper garb and I wonder if he's supposed to be working elsewhere. Usually he only wore what was necessary for him to be identified. Like an arm band and the usual uniform pants. ID, too, the tag just poking out of one of his pockets. To see him fully uniformed brings me back to when he first became a peacekeeper. Speaking of which, I have no idea what happened to my own ID. Maybe tributes don't need them, I guess I never thought to ask.

"There's one small detail you forgot." He smiles and lifts his hand to snap the hairclip onto the strap of my dress. Of course I would need to have it, and Gradin would throw a fit if we suddenly changed my hairstyle. "Are you ready to lose your single status?"

I glance around, glad my other escort had gone ahead. "No one can keep a secret around here, can they? Even Gradin told me there's a surprise planned."

"He doesn't know anything, Meg. He just thinks that Gale gave him design ideas." Caelus laughs and starts leading me along again, "As if Gale knows anything about fashion!"

"He knows enough to call me pretty- even if it is a lie."

"Okay, I get your point. I didn't compliment your dress. I'm not going to- And before you hit me let me tell you why!" He grins sideways at me and I focus my gaze forwards. "It's because that dress is too mature for you. The shoes, however, are definitely your style. So, hey, Meg, I like your shoes."

I scoff, "Of course they're my style! I picked them out!"

"You're welcome." Shaking his head, he forces me to walk faster, "By the way, you're already late." Picking up my pace, I ignore the urge to snap at him. He really is like a big brother. He's supportive, caring, and a big pain in my ass. If I make it through the games I am going to be the same to him. I really will help him pick out a ring and then I'll help them plan the wedding and maybe even be flower girl! I don't know his fiancée very well, but would she deny me from participating in my brothers wedding? Even if he isn't actually my brother at all... And of course he'll be part of my wedding; whoever I end up marrying.

Stopping for a moment, I hold a hand against my mouth. I feel sick. I'm about to become Gale's temporary girlfriend just before entering a fight to the death while the one I truly love, along with all my other friends and family, watches my struggle. I'm not going to get the chance to marry. To be in love properly. I won't have kids, a house of my own. I'll have nothing- Actually I'll have less than nothing; I'll be dead.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm going to throw up-"

"No you're not." Caelus assures me, putting an arm around my shoulders. "You're going to swallow it and keep walking. Understood?"

"I don't think I-I can."

"Swallow it." He instructs. Then he looks around and shouts, "Someone bring us some water!"

A few minutes later I'm leaning against a wall, nearly dead to the world as I wait in line for my interview. I don't really remember how I got from there to here but I'm guessing Caelus did some magic healing thing making me somehow both aware and numb.

Gale, standing behind me, doesn't say anything while we wait. I didn't get a good look at him when I arrived but I don't think he even greeted me. No one did. They must be too focused on their own interviews. Even Henry looks almost nervous. And Bea- she's gorgeous in a sea-foam colored mermaid dress. Toby looks back at me and I blink. He actually looks handsome. Dammit. Of course he does. I wonder what his persona is going to be. Bachelor, probably. I doubt they would let him be the murderous villain that he is.

As Toby winks I look away and concentrate on not throwing up. I glance at Gale and have to really focus hard on swallowing around the lump in my throat. He looks amazing. His suit is a dark blue -almost black- and he's wearing a white button up shirt. I was expecting maybe a tie of some sort but it's just the shirt that's not buttoned all the way up, showing off his neck and collar bone. He's clean-shaved, his hair tousled handsomely, and for once he's wearing nice shoes!

"Are you nervous?" He asks me.

"Yes. Most definitely. Very much so."

"You don't need to be. Pretend it's just you and Caesar and you're having a conversation. There are no cameras, no audience, and nothing but the two of you."

"That sounds romantic."

"Just don't throw up on him."

I grab Gale's shoulders and look him in the eyes, "If I look like I'm about to vomit, step between us. Got it?"

"I'll aim you towards the back of the stage. You won't be the first one to throw up at your interview."

"It doesn't matter. I'm actually really nervous so just promise me you won't let me vomit on Caesar Flickerman-"

"I promise. But I'm also not letting you vomit on me." To make his point, he turns me back around to face forwards. I watch as Ann is pulled backstage. I missed the introduction.

Ann and Henry are advertised as strong-willed with hearts of gold that are only for each other. King and Queen. Then Jill and Gregorio don't have much of a story other than being warriors. Bea is some absent-minded Goddess while Toby is, as I guessed, a cool-headed bachelor. Benjamin is what he is; the son of two victors.

Then it's my turn. Gale gives me a small shove to get me moving and I look back to him with a nervous smile. He nods back and I turn towards the stage. I can't see much. The lights out there are blinding and I have no idea how I'm supposed to walk out into them. I hear the crowd cheering then Caesar Flickerman is calming them down.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Our next batch of tributes is from District 7! First up, the remarkable young lady with an even more remarkable score; Megan Theia!"

I nearly choke from nerves but swallow around it, put on a brave smile, and walk. The lights aren't as bright as soon as I'm surrounded by them. My eyes adjust easily and I hold out my hand, letting Caesar take it in both of his. He then holds it up above our heads and for whatever reason the crowd goes wild again.

As they start to calm down, Caesar drops us onto the two chairs. "Megan! That is a lovely dress!"

"Thank you. I had amazing help from my stylists-"

"I hear Gale, the boy from your district, had some input?"

"Yes, I heard that too!"

"Marvelous." He adjusts his green coat and asks, "We all know there was a bit of a complication with bringing you here to the Capitol. You missed the parade. But I think, what we all want to know is; why?" He looks to the crowd and they hum their agreements. Turning to me, he nods his encouragement.

I smile and look towards the audience, "That was my bad. I got emotional at the thought of being in the games with Gale and I- I did a stupid thing. It hasn't been so bad, I've had a lot of time to make peace with him."

"You're not giving up, are you? You two still have time together! Here and in the games! And won't you try to survive?"

"Oh, with all my might. I'm a fighter, Caesar. I just never wanted to fight him." There's mixed reactions of support and upset. "I'm not going to give up on him or myself."

"I know you won't." He reaches over and pats my hand, "Is that what you've told him?"

"We try not to talk about those things. We focus on the moment and each other."

"Of course you do. Now, another question." Well, duh. That's his job. To ask questions. We smile at each other. "Do you think you're ready for the games? Are you confident?"

"Yes. I'm prepared for the worst and hoping for the best."

"And, aside from the tragedy of it, how do you feel about having Gale with you?"

"With his arms around me, I feel safe. I love him." The crowd oohs and awws and I just want to barf. I don't let it show. I keep my chin up but slightly turned and half-smiling. I know the blush will make me look shy, and I know my posture will make me look proud.

"That's fantastic." Caesar coos. "Don't you waste a single moment with him."

"I don't plan to." More awws. Yup, I'm going to be sick.

"Well good luck. To the both of you." We stand and once more he lifts my hand up to the crowd, "Megan Theia of District 7!"


	21. Fiiiiinally

As the crowd cheers, I walk off the stage. Passing Gale he winks at me, "Thanks for warming them up."

"Mhm."

"See you soon."

"Mhm." Away from the stage, I let out a heavy sigh. It feels good to be away from the spotlight for a few moments. Did I do well? Was I convincing? Was I too convincing? Should I even worry about that?

"Good job out there." Aaron, from District 11, comments. "Not a dry eye in the house."

"Being honest isn't difficult."

"No? I should try it sometime."

"Oh, definitely." I glance at the twins behind him and they glare at me. "Erm, I just need some water-"

"You're missing Gale's interview."

"Not the important part." He looks at me oddly and I smile, signalling for a stage hand to bring me some water. I drink it quickly before I'm being ushered back near the stage.

This time the lights aren't difficult to see through. Gale is giving Caesar a short answer to something. Caesar looks at the audience, "Well, do you think we should bring her back on stage?" I nearly cover my ears from the shouts of encouragement. The two in the middle of their interview stand and look over to where I am.

I'm pushed out and I force myself to look confused and excited. Gale takes my hand immediately and I ask, "What's going on?"

Gale smiles and we look to Caesar. He just grins, "Well, you two! Finish your interview with a flourish!"

Gale turns back to me, my hands in his. He kisses my forehead then looks into my eyes. "Meg, you know I love you. I should have asked you this four years ago. At the festival. When I gave you this-" his left hand lightly touches the little heart clip that's on the dresses single strap on my right before taking my hand again, "or any time before or after that. I've always loved you, Meg. I always will."

There's a single moment of silence so I tell him, "I love you, too. You know I do!"

"Then will you, finally, officially, be mine?"

My heart skips a beat. I don't know why, it's not like I'm happy. It's nerves. It's fear. It's Jack watching me as I open my mouth and whisper, "Yes."

I don't hear the audience but I see them rise in their seats before Gale is crushing me against him, his lips firmly molded with mine. I kiss him back easily, more interested in keeping the outside world away than actually kissing him. It's uncomfortable, like it's been the other times. I don't like it. But I can't pull back. Not yet.

After another moment Gale takes a step back and curls a finger in my hair, "You're beautiful, Megan." I choke on my words and just smile at him, trying to tell him with my eyes to get me out of this situation. He nods at Caesar, "I think she's overwhelmed."

"She certainly is." Caesar turns to the audience, "Ladies and gentlemen. Let me introduce to you, finally a couple, the remarkable duo; Gale Hawthorne and Megan Theia!"

They cheer, we leave. I hurry away from Gale but he keeps up and so does our mentors and Polly. The latter of which is chirping on about how well it all went. In the elevator I feel cramped and it takes way too long to get to the apartments. As soon as we're out I run from them and into my bathroom where I promptly lose whatever I had left in my stomach.

It's over. All the foreplay is over. There are no more days of training, no more scores or interviews. No more nights with Jack, no more arguing with Gale and Caelus. No more fine dining or silk sheets. There's nothing but the games now. The bloodbath, the tributes, the feast, the mutts, my likely death. There's nothing but a terrible fate. Maybe I'm not as ready for this as I thought.

A 5 minute session with my toothbrush and a very long shower later, I collapse on the couch beside Gale, "Sorry."

"I felt the exact same way."

I stare at him, surprised, "You really think so?"

"I don't enjoy kissing you, Meg. You're great at it, like I said, but your lips aren't the ones I want. And, quite frankly, they never will be." His voice is usually a more serious, even grim, tone, but now it's just cold.

"Ouch." I say, with a lot less emotion than I feel. "So that whole love thing really is an act? So much for being family?"

"That was never my decision. It was our parents- Well, your adoptive parents. And I'm just telling you the truth. I don't know who would ever want to kiss you."

"Shut up, Gale." I huff at him and move to my left, away from him.

"I hear you finally manipulated Jack into giving you a kiss."

"Shut. Up." I stare away from him and through the window, not really seeing anything.

"I feel sorry for the guy-" I stand, step in front of him, and slap him hard across the face. "What the hell, flat-chest?!"

"I want you to apologise, pig." I say, sitting on the armchair.

"There is no way-"

I stand, then quickly flop onto the couch beside him, "Okay. Let's talk about how much we hate each other. You go first."

He lifts his head to stare at me like I've gone insane, "Okay. I hate you so much-"

"I was kidding; shut up." I lean over and kiss his cheek. He doesn't move so I pull his face to mine and put my nose within an inch of his.

"Okay, okay!" he pushes me away, rubbing at his nose like there was a leaf on it, "I hate it when you do that!"

"It's probably the one thing I learnt from science class. The sensitive body and close objects. Remember when I used to balance pencils on my nose? It was conditioning. Getting used to close encounters so I don't flinch or- or feel like I'm going to sneeze because of a basic defense mechanism."

"Why do you sound so smart right now?"

"Because you're being an idiot. Apologise to me."

He stares for a minute then falls against me, his head on my shoulder and mumbles, "Sorry. You're not really that flat." Well that's part of the apology I wanted. He sits up straight again, "After the countdown... Run for the cornucopia. Whoever is nearest will cover you. If it's Toby, just make sure you're within someone elses view before putting your trust in him."

"Got it. Toby is a bad boy. And not the good kind."

"You're not into bad boys, Meg. That's why you and me never worked out." After a moment he continues, "I'm going to protect you. I promise."

"But-"

"I'm serious. You know that I can't protect you forever but while I can; I will."

"You've been protecting me this whole time, Gale. I think it might be my turn to protect you..."

"What do you mean?"

I lean back against the couch and sigh, "I'm a target. That will make you a target. And the others. It's probably best if I-"

"We are all our own targets, Meg. You're not putting us in any more danger than we're already in."

"But-"

"We have a better chance of surviving past the bloodbath if we stick together. And you have a better chance if you're with us- with me."

"I have no chance, Gale."

"You do if you play it smart. Meg, this is why we've gone through all of the trouble of pretending to be lovers- You're my girlfriend now so you can't just run away from me. Our sponsors won't like it and neither will the other tributes. Stay with me, Meg. It's our best hope." He rests his hand on my knee and stares at me with a big question mark on his face. A big, handsome, protective, question mark.

"You've convinced me." I sigh. "But-"

"You're not staying with the careers through the entire thing. I know. I have the same plan. As long as you're with them; you're with me. Is there anything else we need to talk about?"

"I can't think of anything. I'm tired. And stressed. And scared."

"I am, too. As soon as we're in the games, we're free. The Capitol doesn't interfere as long as we stay in line. As long as we give them a good show. Whatever we want to do; we can go ahead and do it. Whatever we want to take; it's ours."

"This is both the beginning and the end blablabla." I stand up, "Okay, I need some sleep. I'll see you in the morning. Actually, do you have any guesses at what the arena will be?"

He stands and takes my elbow, leading me towards the rooms, "I'm thinking jungle. You?"

Frowning, I stop in front of my door and tell him, "I was thinking the same. Ancient ruins, perhaps."

"Perhaps." Gale mocks me. "Meg, this isn't goodbye. We have plenty of time to say that later."

"I don't want to say it. And what do you mean plenty of time? One of us will be dead in a week-"

"It's more than some people get."

I sigh, then nod at him slowly, "Goodnight, Gale."

"Goodnight, Megan."

But how is it possible for a tribute to sleep on the last night? I can't stop tossing and turning, and I keep craving different foods- this is a really bad time to develop a nervous eating habit. I can't shut my brain off no matter how hard I try and the most insignificant thoughts become overblown.

The cheering outside does nothing to help. It sounds like they're right outside the window, watching me as I cling to the pillows in silent fear. I don't want them watching me, I don't want them judging me, and I don't want them cheering me on. I don't want to be involved in this at all. None of us do- well, maybe some of the careers who actually volunteered. But I can bet that they don't want to die, either. That they are having just as much trouble sleeping as I am.

Are career losers considered disappointments? I think losers, in general, are simply mourned. It wouldn't be right for anyone to consider a loser a disappointment. But for someone who gave everyone hope- who made so many promises- For someone like me, who nearly escaped- will I be a disappointment? I was the first to make it that far, so have I given people -districts- hope of an escape? Have I made anyone think that maybe the Capitol isn't as fearsome or absolute as they have tried to be for nearly a century now? If that's the case then I'll be letting everyone down even more than I already thought I was.

Out of everyone I could be disappointing -Liam, Jack, Caelus, my adoptive parents- I think I'm much more afraid of disappointing myself. This whole time I've been fighting and to give up or allow myself to be defeated is about the worst thing I can do now. I've come this far, I can go a little further.


	22. The Countdown

With barely 5 hours of sleep I'm not so sure this will work out. The mirror agrees with me, as I expected. My hair has obviously given up on ever having beautiful curls like the ones Gradin had made last night. My eyes don't pop, my skin looks green- maybe it's just the nausea- and I can't help but wonder when I started pursing my lips so tightly. Almost like I'm sucking on one of those sour candies Jack used to taunt me with. I never was a fan of sour candy, but he tried to assure me that everyone is. My final dressing will be in the catacombs- for now I decide on a simple green dress.

There's no more running from this. There's nothing left to distract me or others. We're going into the arena today and we're all going to try to kill each other. The only real reason it takes more than a day to end it is that while everyone wants to survive not everyone is willing to risk themselves. They use tactics, hope that mutts or other Capitol traps will take them out, and they wait for a better day to attack. Everyone hopes someone else will kill everyone else so it's just them. So they don't have to fight. So they can win without earning their title of victor. A very tiny, insignificant, part of me wishes the same. But the more direct part of my self knows to fight and to stop wishing for chances to arise without any influence. I have to make my own luck. I have to create my own chances.

And to think, just a few days ago I was solely concerned with how to tell Jack I love him. Well, he knows now. And I know he loves me too- or at least he said he does. Even if he told me to forget it I'm not going to let myself doubt his words. He said it in the heat of the moment and, like Caelus said, he wouldn't do something he doesn't want to. He wouldn't kiss me if he didn't want to. He wouldn't say I'm the girl he's fallen in love with if it wasn't true.

"Megan?" Gradin appears in my doorway, "Are you ready?"

Surprisingly, I think I am. I nod and walk towards him, "Has Gale left already?"

"He has. You're on your way alone, I'm sorry."

"Oh, that's alright. I'll see him soon enough, right?"

He stares at me for a moment, as if he's unsure what I mean. Then he gestures for me to follow him out into the hallway. "You'll also see Caelus. He's requested to be one of the people escorting you on the helicarrier. As he has with everything else..."

"He's been a great help. Very supportive of what me and Gale are going through."

"I see..." Is Gradin suspicious or something? Then again, does it matter? "Hmm."

I ignore him after that. From the roof, we're lifted into a helicarrier where I'm poked with a giant needle that apparently injected the tracker. I'm on the grid now. I can't take a step without it being recorded. Not one of us can.

We sit down for breakfast in the helicarrier like it's our last- my last meal. I watch Caelus, and he stares back at me as he nearly chokes down some apple slices. I don't feel like eating either, but I need to. So I eat a bagel, some form of exotic fruit, and down three glasses of purple juice. Gradin, sitting to my left, eats with no problem while glancing between us. Does he honestly think that we're hiding some sort of deeper relationship? Wait, that doesn't matter. Screw Gradin. He can think what he wants.

But the windows black out eventually, and as the helicarrier lands, the pleasant in-between time is over. We have to stand and make our way to the tube that will take me and Gradin down into the catacombs where I'll go through one final prep session before I take my place on the platform.

I don't want to go. I don't want to go down the tube, I don't want to go to the arena, I don't want to leave the bubble of safety I have while standing next to Caelus. He notices me staring at him and sends the other peacekeepers away. Gradin gives us one short suspicious glance before turning away to stare at a shaded window.

Caelus puts his hands on my shoulders and leans down so his eyes are level with mine. "I'll miss you, sis. But I know you'll come back. You're strong, capable, and a total bad ass. You're not a child, and no one will ever think that of you again. Now get your ass out there and keep your head up. Got it?"

"You'll be waiting for me on the other side?"

He smiles, "Yeah. I'll be there." Unfortunately one of the things I've learnt about Caelus recently is how to tell when he's lying. His eyes get brighter, and his grip changes; becomes less natural. He's lied to me a lot.

"Can we go now?" Gradin complains.

I groan, "Yes, fine! I'm ready to participate in a fight to the death!"

"Good." Sarcasm is lost on this man.

Caelus and I hug, then he pushes me towards the tube. "You're going to be fine. I told my soon to be fiancée to bet everything on you-"

"And she listened to you?"

"Of course she did. By the way, I still need you to help me pick out a ring. No hurry, though. I'm not asking her right after the games."

"I'll help you out, but you know her better than I do and-"

"Please. Stop." Gradin whines. "Let's go. Now."

I stare between the two then shrug, "Alright. I'll miss you, Caelus."

"See you soon, Megan." Oh, I hope so. He gives me one last hug, then a quick handshake, before he leaves. I open my hand to look at it. He's passed me the hairclip. I roll my eyes as Gradin whines again.  
He doesn't say anything more while I prepare myself. The clothes look like they're meant to keep me warm- I'm guessing the arena is lacking heat? The socks and what seem like a softer padded, darker, version of what peacekeepers wear, worry me. I'm hoping it's like the first time I wore high heels- it took a while, but I got used to them. There's a pair of dark pants that fit perfectly around my waist then with loose legs that end just at my ankles -luckily a belt is included. The boots go higher over them, so I'm not worried about exposed skin or cool breezes. The long sleeve shirt is long, almost a very short dress, and the arms stretch just to my fingers, sectioning them off like the designer thought about including gloves but ran out of fabric before he added the fingers. It's a dark outfit, but I don't mind.

I stare in the mirror for what seems like hours. My hair is tamer than it was earlier, but I still look tired. And scared. There's a spark in my eyes; that's what I'll focus on. I'm a fighter. I will be a victor. I will survive.

"One last thing..." Gradin mentions. I nearly jump at his voice; I'd actually forgotten he was in the room with me. I turn to look at him and he's holding up a dark green vest. It looks like it will keep me warm but honestly I'm nearly sweating already. I'm slowly becoming even more concerned with what the arena is going to be.

"Thanks." I turn and let him help me put it on. When I turn again, he zips it up easily before doing up the straps that go over the zipper. I examine it. It's actually really comfortable and stylish... To an extent. "Can I keep this one?"

"No. You can not keep the lipstick, the hair curlers, or the vest." Gradin sighs dramatically, flinging himself onto the nearby ottoman.

"I'm guessing the arena has something to do with the cold?"

"I wouldn't know." Useless.

Staring back into the mirror, I adjust the hairclip. Then, realizing it might not stay there while I'm running, I clip it onto one of the straps holding the front of the vest.

Too soon, a voice is announcing that there is one minute until I need to be in the other tube that will take me to the arena. Taking a few deep breaths, I try to forget that I can see Gradin in the reflection and he's examining his nails.

"Time to go, Megan." He says, with absolute zero feeling.

I huff at him and step onto the platform. A tube closes over it and I carefully turn myself away from the blue stylist. I don't want to look at his face any longer. Or his perfectly fashioned nails and hair. He won't wish me luck or give me any tips. He'll just take over the mirror now that I've left it.

Another couple of deep breaths and I'm being lifted, slowly, towards the arena. What will it be? Jungle? Swamp? Barren tundra? No, they've tried that before. It didn't work out well. Someplace cold... Someplace empty... Someplace...

Like a ruined city, half covered in snow and vines? The platform finally comes to a stop and I turn slowly, taking in the sights. All around us are buildings seemingly ranging from 5 floors to 10, and they're spread out like each one needed it's own street. There isn't any rubble, but many of the buildings are half destroyed. Roofs, entire walls missing, and no glass where the windows were. The cornucopia is in a city center of sorts, and we're all around it on our platforms. Random items litter the ground but I'm on the right side of the cornucopia, barely able to see inside it.

It really is cold here. The sky is grey, like it's threatening rain -or snow- and the air is crisp with frost. I watch my breath for a moment as the timer counts down then search my nearest ally. It's Henry. He's directly to my left. In a stance that makes him look ready to take flight towards the cornucopia, he glances at me then stares hard at something he wants to grab. He looks back at me, clearly indecisive.

I nod and he focuses on what's in front of him. I can run for the cornucopia on my own. He has to help secure the mouth. This will likely be our camp grounds for the remainder of the games. Or, at least while we're still a team. As there gets to be 25 seconds left, I look to Gale, nearly on the complete opposite side as me. He must have noticed who I'm positioned near because he's not glancing my way any more. I don't bother searching for the others when the counter nears single digits.

Am I ready for this? Are they? Do they have a plan- one that's better than mine? Are they running for the weapon I want? Will they take the best supplies? Will they kill me before I can reach anything useful? Will they kill Gale or Henry before they can do anything? Is it within my power to save one of them? What would that take? How far will I make it before I'm forced to kill someone?

The counter hits 3 and I bend my knees, ready to jump from the platform. 2. I force myself not to jump early. It looks so safe inside the cornucopia. 1. I choke; this is it. And then we're all jumping into action, each going our own ways. Most going the same way. One coming straight towards me.

Let the games begin.


	23. Jealousy And Relationship Issues Spotted

I expected as much. To be running towards the cornucopia with someone chasing me. Henry took my okay seriously and he's immediately heading towards the double ended spear he'd spotted. Gale is too far. I don't want to look around to find another option. The best way to go is forwards. The same way half the tributes are going. Some just grab what they can get nearby, some leave without anything at all. We're all running. I stop in my tracks, halfway to where I was going, as I witness the first kill. Toby takes out one of the twins.

I realize stopping was the worst thing I could have done when I'm tackled from the left and sent crashing to the cold, hard ground. The person lands on top of me- It's one of the tributes from 9. Someone I'd barely noticed before. Her hands go around my throat, her thumbs already leaving bruises.

"You think you're the only one who tried to run, Megan?!" She screams at me. Lights dance behind my eyes and I really begin to panic when her knee moves to press against my chest.

I punch her in her side, aiming for her ribs. She grunts but only presses harder. I struggle a moment then aim again. Still, she holds strong. Putting all my strength into it I hit her again. She jerks off me, onto the ground, clutching at her right side. I roll away from her and take big gulps of air, hoping she doesn't recover too quickly.

But I look over and she's already standing up. My vision zeroes in on her, blocking out the bloodbath all around us. She looks even more pissed off than she did before. And sometime while she was on the ground she picked up a knife. That's not good. I still can't breathe and I'm frozen in place.

She raises the knife above her head and looks like she's going to jump down on me. I stare at her with wide eyes, trying to think of what to do. Then wire wraps around her throat and she's dragged back, screaming. Toby raises an eyebrow at me and I have to look away.

As Toby stops her screaming, I realize there isn't much screaming at all. I can still hear fighting, and I can see a few people run from the scene, but there's no yelling or arguing, there's no voices at all.

Then there's one, "Meg? Are you alright?"

I roll to my right and throw my arms around Gale's shoulders. "I'm fine! Toby saved me."

"She was doing fine on her own." Toby tells him.

Gale pushes on my shoulders so he can look me over carefully. He nods, "She's safe."

"For now." Henry comments. "We need to clear the area. Meg, you know you've been sitting there for a while, right?"

How long is a while? I stand, with a little unneeded assistance from Gale, and let them lead the way. We're all wearing the same outfit; dark pants and a dark green vest over the same dark boots and shirt. They already look comfortable in all of it. Actually quite intimidating. My feet catch on the uneven pavement, my fingers feel cold and constricted even though they're not covered in anything. There's still fabric in between them, holding the sleeves down over my arms. While I'm walking the fabric tugs and I flex my fingers from the strange feeling.

We stop and I finally take a headcount. "Where's Bea?"

Toby looks at me, then around, and finally to my right, at Ann. She throws her hands up, "I don't know. I told her to stop but she ran after someone."

"There's still 5 of us." Henry states calmly from behind and to the left of Toby. "If I counted right, there were only 10 bodies back there. Bea is still alive, and she'll rejoin us after she's done killing whoever she went after. That makes it 6 against 8." He looks at each of us in turn. "Right?"

"Right." Gale sighs, sitting against a wall.

"You shouldn't sit there." I tell him. He stares at me. "I mean, it's cold. And wet, and-"

"Fine!" He stands again.

"I guess Benjamin ran for it, huh?" I ask.

"He's not anyone we need to worry about." I look at Ann and she shrugs, "He's just a kid. And he's a victors kid. Someone else'll deal with him."

"I guess that's true..."

"You're a target, too. Megan." Toby looks me over, "You probably should have run when you had the chance."

Gale steps beside me, on my left, "I told you to stay away from her."

"I'm not doing anything. I'm just saying-"

"You threatened her-"

"And you threatened me. What's the problem here?"

Henry steps between them, his blank expression turning pissed off, "I don't want to have to ask about what the hell is wrong with the two of you. We're a team." He turns to Toby, "Don't fuck up your only chance."

Toby growls, the wire wrapped around his right hand pressing into his skin as he tenses. "She's not going to make it. She's dead weight."

"She is right here." I huff, "And she does not want to go through this every damn day." They all stare at me but at least Henry has a hint of a smile. I just shrug.

Then the cannons start going off. I stare into the sky and count. 10. Not quite half. Benjamin probably won't last long, and I'm betting that the other twin will be after Toby soon enough. There, that's half gone. So half of who's left is right here- or, will be, once Bea gets back.

"Should we head back?" I ask, as I look back to the group.

Henry nods, "We'll secure the cornucopia then send out a scout. We need to know the area."

I know it won't be me. Toby is already staring at the buildings in deep thought so maybe he'll volunteer? "What if someone is already at the cornucopia when we get back?" I get stared at like it's the dumbest question I could possibly ask. "Oh. Right."

Gale puts an arm around my shoulders and starts leading me away, "You're pretty." In other words; I'm dumb.

"Careful, man." Toby snickers from behind us, "Woman scorned and all that."

"I can handle her."

"I'd like to see you try!"

"Shut up, Toby." Ann huffs, hurrying ahead with Henry to take the lead, "The next few days are going to be endless if I have to listen to your surfer-boy voice."

"I've never surfed a day in my life! Okay, maybe once. Twice- Ladies find it impressive and exotic-"

"Shut up!" Ann puts her hands over her ears and Henry puts an arm around her waist, whispering something to her.

I glance to my left, at Gale. He looks down at me and his grip on my shoulder tightens for a moment as he whispers, "Don't get any ideas."

Luckily there's no one at the cornucopia when we get there. The little spatters of blood make me uncomfortable but the bodies are gone at least. Immediately, I'm sent to pick up stray items. It's a tedious job that involves repeatedly bending down and snapping my head up to see Toby staring at me. No matter how many times I tell myself to ignore him I just can't. The others, Toby supposedly included, are taking inventory of what's left in the cornucopia. Gale occasionally wanders over to the platforms or circles the giant horn with a very thoughtful look. Ann and Henry stick to what they said they would do, as focused as ever.

As soon as the last bit of rope is off the grass and in a more organised place, I run over to Gale who's bent over a platform, "What's it look like? Metal, possibly?"

"I'm trying to concentrate." He says simply.

"On what, exactly?"

"I don't think we should stay here. These things might still be active."

The idea frightens me but makes me curious so I ask, "Is there a way we can find out?"

He nods then stands, backing away with his arm outstretched forcing me to go with him. As soon as we're a certain distance away he looks at me for a moment, telling me to stay put. I shrug. A minute later he's standing beside me again, holding something that looks heavy and is possibly used for cooking. He glances at me again, checking me over, then his gaze travels the grass and I assume it's to check the distance.

Pushing me back a little more he tells me, "This will make a dent in the ground. If those things are still active on their own, then we'll know it. Usually they're shut off remotely but remotes don't always work. Right?"

"Er, right?" I nod as if I'm following along with what he's saying. I'm guessing the large metal thing will hit the ground and then it either explodes and comes rocketing towards us or we're safe. "This is dangerous, isn't it?"

"Very." He pulls his elbow back and then push/throws the heavy thing towards the platform. It must have hit it's mark because Gales pulls me against the ground to shield me from the large explosion. Another fear -that it would set off a chain reaction- was luckily needless. My ears ring but Gale knew what he was doing with the distance. We're safe, unharmed, and relieved that we weren't standing on top of that thing.

We stand together, a bit off balance, and turn to see the other three staring at us. I can barely tell what he's saying but Gale calls to them, probably some arrogant comment. But then Henry is nodding and they turn away to start gathering things up. I only realize I've been frozen for the last few minutes when Gale touches my arm.

"Are you alright, Meg?" He actually looks concerned and I forget for a moment where we are. I forget that we almost just exploded. It's like that one time we went to the river together and I nearly drowned when a water weed caught my foot. Of course it wasn't all that dramatic but the look he'd given me had scared me because maybe, to him, it was.

But we're in the games now. We're being watched. So I put my hands on his chest and lean my head against his shoulder and say, honestly sincere but with little added dramatics, "You could have been hurt. You were leaning right over that thing not even five minutes ago and it could have killed you!"

He brushes my hair back then pulls my face away so he's looking me in the eyes, "We're both safe, Meg. And we're getting out of here just in case. Grab whatever you can carry." He kisses me sweetly then leads me towards where the others are already packing up.


	24. Why Can't They Just Be Friends

I never did get a good look at the loot. Now that I can see it all I'm almost worried about giving it up. Will we have enough if we only take what we can carry? What about the other tributes? They'll try to get to it, right? Then what? Are we really just going to let them take whatever they want?

"I know that look." I jump at Henry's voice next to my ear. I never noticed that he was beside me. He reaches behind the shelf of daggers and small swords that I was looking at and pulls out exactly what I was looking for; a sword similar- practically identical to the one I'd trained with. "You're questioning what's happening."

"Is it that obvious?" I frown half heartedly, twirling the sword slightly to get used to it. "Are we going to leave everything here?"

"Yes. For now. We'll come back for more once we find a more secure location." His jaw muscles tense and I know he's pissed off. "It was for the best that Gale found out about the mines but I was much more comfortable with the idea of spending my time here than in one of those buildings."

"Actually," I start, trying to defuse the situation, "It's a better idea to be in one of those buildings. We have the bottleneck, right? The stairs? The walls aren't climbable. We'll make the entry floor look like all the others then on the second or so we'll block them off. How does that sound?"

He thinks about it for a few moments, his eyes not leaving mine. "You're more clever than you look."

"Not really. So? Still mad at Gale?"

"Incredibly. We're almost done packing so can you hurry it up?"

"Got it." And sure enough, as soon as I get outside with a large bag on my back and a box of food in my arms, they're waiting for me. "Ready?"

Ann rolls her eyes and takes Henry's arm, leading him away. Bea, who apparently made it back while I wasn't paying attention, just smiles before walking away. I notice her left sleeve has been torn off and there's dried blood dotting her skin. I didn't hear a cannon so maybe it went off during the explosion? Or while my ears were still ringing? They're all carrying something and our travelling group is almost comical as we leave the cornucopia behind.

"I see you found your sword." Toby comments from somewhere behind me. I didn't know what else to do with it so I hung it through my belt. It shifts awkwardly against my left leg as I walk but I feel much safer just having it there.

I ignore Toby's words and call to Henry, "How far do you think we'll go?"

"We only want to be a couple of blocks away. So it's easy to get to but we won't be in the first building anyone checks."

"Yeah, you're about as clever as I thought you were." He chuckles and I grin, glad I could get a positive reaction. He is clever, much more clever than I am, and we all know it. We knew it from the first time we met him.

Gale nudges my arm, "Hey, he's taken. Call me clever."

"Don't forget that you're taken too, Gale."

"Right. By who, again?"

"Me." I glance to my right at him and smirk. He returns it so I look away with a forced shy blush. It's not so hard, my cheeks are already red from the temperature. "I know fires are usually a thing to avoid but are we going to be able to make an exception?"

"Cold, Meg?" Toby asks me, obviously still amused at me for reasons I can only guess at, "All you need is a man to snuggle up next to. I volunteer."

Ugh. I groan and pick up my pace. Gale follows suit.

Soon we're staring up at a building as Henry does his calculations. Finally, he motions us inside. Then up two flights of stairs. Then up another three. From what I saw on the outside there were only seven, so we're right under the last when we put our stock down. Each floor is bare, with only a few sectioned off rooms on each. We try old light switches but nothing works. In the stairwell it's nearly impossible to see without the flashlights Toby found.

"Yeah-" Toby flops down on a wooly blanket he'd spread out, "-I can live here."

"And it will be easier to scout the immediate area from up high." Henry points out.

"Yeah, there's that." Toby sighs and relaxes, his arms under his head while his eyes are loosely shut. Is this what he looks like when he lets his guard down? Knowing him as well as I do I doubt he ever lets his guard down.

We roll out some more blankets and sleeping bags and sit together, Toby excluded, and just talk for a while. We're not even planning anything. When Ann leaves to scout from the top floor we continue our talking. Then Henry leaves, to find Ann. Then Bea lies beside her cousin, leaving me and Gale.

"Sun should be going down in about an hour. Time passes quickly, doesn't it?"

"Yes, it does." I respond. I hadn't even been watching the sun. I look around the room we're in. There are three doors, two leading to other rooms, and the other an exit into the hall. I wonder if the buildings were ever used before. I can never tell if the arenas have been built for the games or if they are actual places that were just stumbled upon and marked for use.

Gale stands me up and we walk over to a glassless window. Since we're in a corner room, two walls have these large holes in them where windows were either supposed to go, or used to be. We look outside at the other buildings and the bright light poking through the grey clouds. I wonder how we'll ever find anyone -or how anyone will find us- amid all the grey. The only color we're wearing are our vests. We'll only stand out because we're darker dressed than the world outside.

"So what are we going to do?"

"When?" I ask.

He turns me so my body is facing him then leans in, his mouth next to my ear, "Do you want to check out those rooms?"

Not really. "Shouldn't we stay here? What if Ann and Henry come back and-"

"They're not coming back for a while." He chuckles, "We have some time to be alone. If you want?" Of course I don't! But I have to, right? We won't go far, we'll just kiss and flirt a little, right? That's all... Isn't it? I hope so. If I have to deny him I could end up regretting it. Sponsors want to see us acting like we're in love. I don't want to kiss him again though! Ugh!

I smile, "I guess we can look around."

A flash of uneasiness crosses his features then he's grinning and taking my hand. I let him lead me to a room . Glancing back before we go in the door, I see Toby staring at me, Bea resting peacefully against his chest. He winks, putting a hand on her waist. I turn away, not wanting him to give me any more weird signals.

The room is about as empty as I expected. Four walls, one window facing west on the right wall. I can just see the sun through the clouds and above the taller buildings so Gale must be right about it getting dark out soon. I walk forwards, alone, and put my hands on the window sill. The arena is mostly what I first saw. Buildings. Empty, cold, grey. Maybe one day the clouds will leave and there'll be color again. Warmth. Some grass under the patches of snow and frost.

The cold concrete is starting to bite my hands but I don't pull back. If I begin looking any less interested in what's outside I might be brought back to paying attention to the inside. But the sun's ducking below the buildings, and one of Gale's arms goes around my waist while he stands close on my right, my elbow touching his mid.

"I guess we're watching the sunset together?" I comment, trying to fill the silence with something other than flirting.

"There's something I need to talk to you about." He says it so seriously that I turn my head to look at him. He's looking out the window, staring intensely at one point. "It's about Toby-"

"I really don't want to talk about him." I sigh; I would rather be flirting.

"You know we have to." His grip around my waist tightens, "I'm worried about it. About you." He looks at me then, letting me turn to face him.

"I'm more worried about you. If you let this issue distract you-"

"If you don't let me deal with it-"

"What would you do? Huh?" I narrow my eyes at him, "Throw him from the building? That wouldn't help anything-"

"It would. We would have one less threat to deal with-"

"We might need him," I try to make him see some sort of reason. We both want him out of the way but he did save my life- and he might again. I can set up a truce with him to keep him away from me while I'm still part of the team. But if Gale tries anything then I can kiss that chance goodbye. "Just let me handle my own arch enemy, would you? I know you just want to protect me for as long as you can but I don't want to be the reason you get hurt."

He sighs and takes my hands. Then he stares at me for a moment before looking down, "Your hands are frozen."

Yeah, and his are literally too hot to handle right now. The prickling in my cold fingers gets worse while he rubs them slowly. I smile at him though, "See? That's what you can worry about. Keeping me warm."

"I can do that while watching your back." For lack of anything to say, I lean forwards and kiss him lightly. "Just be careful around Toby. Don't be with him alone. And don't let him push you around."

"Tell him to forget that threat of yours. I'll make a deal with him, then you won't have to worry about it."

He frowns, "But-"

I kiss him again, a bit harder, "Trust me."

Gale let's out a long breath but slides his arm around my waist again and turns us towards the falling sun. We can't see much of the sun anymore but there is a tinge of orange on the horizon and I smile, thinking about Jack. He's safe in Sunny's sunset home.

Watching me kiss and lean against Gale.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks me. Even with a loose arrow on my moral compass it's still not easy having to constantly lie; having to allow my entire self and my whole life be a lie.

"Home." It's at least a little honest.

"Mm." He nods slightly, "I miss it, too. I'm worried about my brothers."

I lean my body closer against his, "They're tough. They learnt it from you."

"Is it going to be enough for them to be strong?"

"Gale," I kiss his cheek, "They're going to be alright. You know that. We both do."

"You do?" He stares out at the buildings, his jaw muscles tensing, "How could you know something like that?"

"Because I know them. And I know you. Your brothers could be half as capable as you and still end up running the entire city."

"You think the Hawthorne brothers will own our city?"

"...At least part of it?" I smile.

He shakes his head, "You think too much of them. And of me."

"I love you, Gale."

"I love you, too. Now shh. Watch the sunset."

I look out the window and frown. The sun has already disappeared. But Gale holds me tightly against him and I keep watching anyway.


	25. Bonding Time

Luckily Gale and I get out of our alone time without much hardship. We meet the others back in the main room and for a while we all discuss the arena and our plans for tomorrow -most of which involves travelling back and forth between our base and the cornucopia.

Bea only stays awake for the important stuff, like the Capitol announcements, then once again falls asleep where she and Toby had been earlier. Ann and Henry leave the huddled group to their own little blanket island. Finally, when Gale can't keep his eyes open, I force him to lay down and get some sleep. He refused to leave my side so he's cuddled on my left, his back just touching my knee so he knows easily that I'm still beside him.

Toby, sitting just five feet away, is finally trying his best not to stare at me. Every time he catches himself glancing my way, he apparently scolds himself and consciously focuses on his hands and the dark world around us. I'm not worried, I don't feel awkward, I just want him to stop avoiding eye contact like I'm friggen Medusa.

I glance towards the sword to my right and consider my options. I can try to talk to him, or I can ignore him. I am tired, so I should probably just get some sleep..

I sigh, loudly, and Toby looks up at me with a blank expression. I eye him wearily and say, "I think there's something we should-"

"Talk about? Yeah. But maybe not while your protector is sleeping right beside you?"

"Gale? Look at him. He's like a giant teddy bear right now. Are you afraid of teddy bears?"

"When they look like him? Terrified." We grin at each other for a few moments then he looks down again and frowns, "I don't want to kill you, Meg."

"That's..."

"Not what I said before. I know. But now..." He shakes his head and stares out the window behind me, "I think I need you to be on my side?"

For several moments, out of shock, I say nothing. Gale stirs and I pat his side. He calms and I turn back to Toby. "And why is that?"

Oddly enough he sounds both defeated and pissed off. The defeated part is what's odd. "Because the rest of our team-" he nearly spits the word," -doesn't trust me. It's my own fucking fault but I won't go down like this. They look at you like you're a fucking goddess. If you give the okay, they'll at least tolerate me for a while longer."

"And what's in it for me, exactly?"

He stares into my eyes for a moment, "I won't kill you?"

"That's not very convincing."

"What do you want, then?"

"I want you to trust me and I want to be able to trust you. A truce. because I know you're still going to try to kill me."

"Am I that obvious?" He sighs. "Okay, so what? I don't make it so obvious that I want you dead, and you act friendly towards me?"

"How about this, hmm? Since we'll all split off eventually. While I'm still around, you don't even think about killing me. Not even if it's your own version of counting sheep."

"And you'll-"

"We will tolerate each other. Help each other. Sound good?"

"So we act like friends and I'm not allowed to fantasize about killing you?" I nod at him. He falls back against the blankets, one arm over his face. "This is hell. This is absolute. Fucking. Hell."

"But you agree?"

"I have no choice."

"Good. Then get some sleep. I expect you to be on your best behavior tomorrow." I smile as he groans. This could actually end up being fun.

Laying back, I pull at the vest and undo some of the straps that are crushing it against my chest. I hold up the hairclip for a moment before shoving it into one of my pants pockets. Lifting my head, I watch as Toby crawls over to lay with Bea, his arm going over her. I don't think anything weird of it. They're cousins; family. If he has anyone he can lean on; it's Bea. Me? Well I have the lightly snoring hunter beside me.

A soft breeze flows in through the window and I want to curse at it. As if I'm not cold enough already! The outfit helps but with my face and my hands- I'm not even upset about that! But I don't know what else to be upset about right now. There's so much that I can't choose one thing so I settle on the cold.

Now, I'm not particularly afraid of the dark. It just so happens that I'm suddenly terrified of laying here alone while everyone is asleep. While I'm the only one on lookout- We'd considered posting a watch for the night but decided against it -I didn't get a vote. In the dark, barely able to see what's going on around me with only soft moonlight that barely peeks through the clouds and windows, I feel alone. Alone, vulnerable, and afraid.

I reach over, shaking Gale lightly. He stirs but settles back down. I shake him again, a little harder, "Gale. Wake up for a minute."

"What is it?" He asks sleepily before turning over, holding himself up by his elbows. "Did something happen?"

I don't know how to ask. It's not an odd thing, particularly considering the relationship we have. Best friends, pretend lovers. I can ask this much of him. As he stares at me I chew lightly on my chapped lip. We've been rationing the water just in case and the cold is just making it worse. "C-can I ask you to do something?"

"Anything, babe." He yawns. It almost sounds genuine that he would call me that.

"I don't want to sleep alone and- and I know you're right here but can you put your arms around me?" I laugh softly, not sure what else to do with the emotion bubbling up inside my chest. I'm sure he doesn't need an explanation but I give him one anyway, "It's dark and I feel alone and I just need you right now."

Without a word he puts his arms around me and we sink back down to the blankets, my head against his shoulder. He's warm, he's sturdy- is that a word I can use to describe someone? That's what Henry called me. But it's more than that with Gale. He's safe, he's familiar, and I feel small with his arms around me but not in a bad way. In a way like his whole body could surround me if that's what it took to protect me.

"Get some sleep, Meg. Big day tomorrow."

"And the next day, and the next day..." I joke halfheartedly. I'm sure everyone else is asleep by this point but I whisper, "I talked to Toby,"

His grip tightens around me, "About what, exactly?"

"We actually reached some common ground. A mutual understanding. And- wow, you're so warm." I snuggle closer to him. "Don't let go, okay?"

"You're mine. I will never let you go." As cheesy as his line is, it makes me smile as I slowly, finally, drift off to sleep.

It's late afternoon when Henry corners me on our way back to the building where we've made our base. We were out with Toby who rushed ahead of us. "What's going on between you two?" He asks as we stand in the middle of four of the shorter buildings. "I thought you were enemies."

"Not really." I answer lightly. "We just didn't get along. The games change people, right?"

"Not this much." Henry eyes me curiously and I meet his gaze steadily. He sighs, "I heard your conversation. You and him have struck a deal and I don't like that you're trusting him so easily."

"I'm not, I just want some peace."

"You'll have it when you're dead. This is not going to work out for you-"

"Just please go along with it. I can tell that there's something going on between you two, and I think whatever threats or arguments you have hanging between you are scaring him. He just wants a chance to at least have his team cooperate with him."

Henry thinks it over, running a hand through his dark hair. "I'll try it. If your deal starts going south; tell me first."

"Who else could I tell?" I adjust the sword on my back. We'd found some sheaths and I took one right from the pile- silver plated leather. No one argued, and actually Gale laughed when he saw it, so it's mine. It stretches from my right shoulder to the lower left side of my back. With the vest it's a bit of an awkward fit but it's a lot easier on me than having the sword loosely hang against my leg.

Henry had left his double ended spear at the cornucopia, saying he would take it back later. He's armed instead with another sword, much bigger than mine. It's perfect for him, I think. Though it's not his prefered weapon, when I saw him swing it around I couldn't help but think about how powerful he looked.

"We should get back." Henry says, pulling me out of my thoughts. "You look hungry."

I am. I'd skipped breakfast. With the sun poking out I can see that there is edible plant life around, there's just not much in this area. I'm not interested in the rations we have from the cornucopia, but vines are making me drool. Probably because I know I can eat as much of them as I like without worrying I'm eating someone elses portion. I'm really thinking all or nothing right now. "I'm not that hungry."

He shakes his head then begins walking again, "I've been doing more than listening in on your secret conversations. I'm watching over my team, Meg. And what I see is upsetting."

I catch up and walk on his right, "Oh no. Did you see Gale doing his morning stretch?" I gasp in mock horror. "I'm so sorry, I've told him not to do it in public!"

Henry smiles, slightly, "That was pretty awful."

"Back home he wears this shirt that I swear is not his right size- when he stretches it comes up a little and-"

"I don't want to hear this." He chuckles. "You two are really close, huh?"

"Yeah, you could say that. Our parents introduced us. Well, my adoptive parents, so we didn't exactly grow up together."

"You're adopted?" He glances at me. "I didn't know."

"It wasn't in the interviews," I smile. "I only said that because... Well, actually, I don't know why. It's not like I need to explain everything, right?"

"Right. But now that you've said it..."

I know what he means to ask me. I know every question and I know every reaction I'll get. It's not a usual thing for a child to be adopted in Panem.

"If you don't want to talk about it..."

I don't. But he wants me to. It's not a long story anyway. "9 years ago, when I was- erm, 9- right after the Hunger Games ended, my parents left the city walls. On a trip, I think. I'm not sure. They left me at home for whatever reason and when they didn't come back their friends -who I'd never even met before- took me in. Treated me as their own, but made sure I remembered my parents. I love them but I miss my parents more than anything at any given time. Right now, even."

"They must have been great."

I grin, "Of course. To have a kid like me? They were the greatest."

"I don't doubt it. They had to be something special to raise you to be so strong."

"They taught me nearly everything I know. My mother taught me how to be a lady without being synonymous with vulnerability. My father taught me how to read, write, and ignore people who tell me I'm wrong."

"So your mother gave you beauty, your father gave you stubbornness, and they both gave you fight."

"Pretty much." I laugh, "You've got me pegged now, huh?"

Henry, being the tough, stoic, guy that he is, doesn't smile often. Nor does he laugh. But sometimes, like when it's just the two of us, as it is now, he does both. "You're not that difficult to figure out. Don't get me wrong; you're still interesting. Then again I never found mysteries very interesting..."

"Must not like yourself much then."

He puts an arm around my shoulders, laughing, "Like I said. You're much more clever than you look."

As we reach the building, his arm leaves me. He looks around slowly, checking to see if we're being watched. He gives the okay and we beeline for the entrance. Then up the stairs and through the doors onto the floor our group has claimed.

Immediately, Toby throws a peach at me, "Eat up! You're skin and bones!" He grins, and I return it before taking a bite.

I meet with Gale in the middle of the room and he hugs me, "Welcome back." Then he turns to Henry and nods, "Thanks for keeping her safe."

"There were no attacks, Gale. And we both kept each other safe." He's back to his usual expression that's blank and intimidating. He kneels down to pick up an apple then straightens out to look at the three of us. "Ann and Bea are watching the cornucopia for now. There won't be any groups formed large enough to take them out, but I want us all to keep moving. Next shift, Gale and Toby will take their place. I'll escort you two and bring back some things with the girls."

"And Meg?" Gale asks, "She's staying here?"

"Yes."

"No."

"It's fine with me." I tell them before taking another bite. I think Toby actually remembered me mentioning that I like peaches. Out of all the food we have, for him to grab one of these for me couldn't be a lucky guess. "It won't take long for them to get back here."

"I don't like it." Gale puts an arm around my waist, pulling me against him, "You shouldn't be alone."

I force away the urge to roll my eyes at him. "We all have to take our turns. We're a team, and responsibilities fall on all of us. Henry thinks I can manage, so it's very likely that I can. Trust me, alright?" I kiss him lightly, hoping he'll just shut up about it.

"I'm with her!" Toby announces, "I think she should stay here. Have some alone time. It did wonders for you, Gale."

Before anyone can start arguing I throw my arms up, pushing myself away from Gale, and yawn. It must look like an aggressive stretch because I get stared at but I'm used to it. I'm always either doing something stupid or saying something stupid or... just... being analyzed. I'm a target, I'm a side-show attraction, I'm the runaway who, in the middle of a fight to the death, has been making out with my best friend. I'm hopeless, useless, and I don't care. We're all in the same situation. We're all handling it in our own way. Mine is avoiding confrontations when possible and confronting others when necessary.

"Get some rest, Meg." Toby tells me. I throw the peach pit out the nearest window and do what he says. I rest back where Gale and I had been last night, just off the centre of the room, and put an arm under my head for a pillow.

Henry clears his throat, "She's, umm-"

"A bit out there." Gale confirms. "You'll get used to it."


	26. Aardvark And The Baby Bear

It's the fourth day, and we have everything we need stocked up on the top three floors of our building along with ourselves. We've decided to stay sleeping on the mats on our floor, just under the top floor, so we can huddle together on colder nights. The second night was what had decided it for us. There had been rain and wind and it all gave us chills and we had, after much debate, come together in the centre of the floor to keep each other warm. The next night, last night, was even worse. With open windows we'd had to put tarps over them, hoping the night was too dark and we were up too high for anyone to see them from outside. Early morning, we'd taken them down. We assume it was the weather that had taken out 2 more tributes so that is our main concern.

It was Bea's idea, as surprising as it was, to put up one of the larger tents. We didn't think about it, we were taking out sleeping bags and trying to find easier ways to tarp the windows each night. There was also the concern that no one wanted to take the tents down again but Bea assured us that she did the calculations and the ceiling was just high enough, and the area of the floor was great enough that unless someone is up high on a close building, they won't see it. If that were the case then they would see our blankets and supplies anyway. Toby agreed, saying that Bea had that one strength in her mind. Dimensions. 3D or otherwise.

The tent building was left to Ann and Toby because they argued that with any other help it wouldn't get done properly. Gale and Henry went off to both scout and plant traps where they felt necessary. Bea was asleep, apparently exhausted for having come up with such a great idea, and I'm- well.

I'm exploring.

I shouldn't be out on my own, I know. My fans are probably yelling at the screen right now, telling me how much of an idiot I am. Well, fans, I don't care. I need something to do. I need to keep moving. I'm being careful, peeking around buildings before I walk out into the open type of thing, and so far I haven't found any other tributes. I doubt the arena is very large, but it's large enough. A lot of the time my eyes snap between searching for tracks and sizing up buildings. I've gone in a few, but avoided most of them. By now, I bet someone has noticed I'm not around. With them split up, whichever group notices probably thinks I'm with another. I've been out for at least 2 hours now, probably more, so I hope no one is out looking for me. I would only be causing trouble but I couldn't help myself.

Peeking around a corner, I instinctively put my hand up to touch the handle of my sword. I always expect someone to be there, no matter what. But I can't see anyone, even when I turn my head and look all the other ways. So I step out from behind the building-

-just to be punched in the gut. Groaning, I fumble taking my sword out of the sheath. Hearing a little gasp, I look up- actually, down- at Benjamin. He must have been crouching out of my field of vision. The kid must have been terrified when he saw me.

Holding my gut, I lower the sword in my right hand and look around him, searching for anyone else. Then I kneel, not seeing him as a threat. Also any sort of relief from this pain is welcome. How did he really hit me that hard? I could vomit...

"Benjamin, right?" I ask slowly. He nods, frozen on the spot. "You know, when you're afraid, you should run away. I'm not going to hurt you!" I add quickly, after he flinches back.

"Y-yeah. M-Megan?"

"Mhm. How are you doing? Have you found any supplies or- or a weapon?"

"No... I've been eating plants. It's like frozen green beans... I don't like those."

"Me neither." I smile. While I'm kneeling he's just a bit taller than me, obviously he hasn't hit his growth spurt yet. He's tired, he's cold, and it looks like he's been crying since the game started. "Do you want to come stay with me and the careers?"

"M-my mom said not to."

"I understand. They're a bit scary, huh?" He nods at me, like he's happy someone finally understands. "Have you come across anyone else?"

Benjamin thinks for a minute. "I saw that one twin... and I think... I think someone from district 5. I don't remember, I think I was asleep..."

"Maybe just half asleep. You're the first person I've come across today. I'm a bit surprised, actually."

He glances at the sword in my hand, "Are you going to kill me?"

"What? No." I straighten up, putting the sword away. "I'm just glad you're still alive. Surprised, definitely. But glad."

He considers it. "The twin is trying to find Toby."

My smile wavers, "I know. He killed the other one."

"Oh..."

I want to do something for this kid. But what? He won't come with me to stay with the careers. I guess I could sneak some food for him, and a weapon of some sort... Just in case he needs to defend himself.

"I'm going to die, aren't I?"

I sigh, "I don't know. I'm sorry, I just don't. It's not about statistics or strengths. We were both targets before entering the arena but now it doesn't matter. It's kill or be killed for everyone. Just be smart, alright?"

He nods, still unsure. "I actually did make a friend... Just before you came along... Sorry about this..."

Confused, I kneel again so I'm more at his level. "Are you sorry because you lied?" He shakes his head. "Then... what?"

I hear something click and turn just enough to see a pistol pointed at the left side of my head. "The sword. Lose it." I listen to the voice, forgetting about trying to figure out who it is. It doesn't matter. They've threatened me and used Benjamin as bait. If I get a chance- "Now!"

"Alright, alright." I pull at the straps holding the sheath in place and lift it over my head then around my arm. Benjamin takes it from me. "Now what? You shoot me?"

"Maybe."

I hope the venom in my voice poisons him, "You're an idiot."

"How so?"

"Too many reasons to count, and I'm not inclined to name a single one."

"You act so high and mighty-" The barrel of the gun touches against my skull and I resist the urge to jerk away or fight back. "-you're no better than any of us."

"Same to you." My voice is softer than it was, from the spike of fear in the back of my mind. Or, more accurately, to the left of my mind. I really shouldn't have left the others. This is a bad situation to be in. My head is pushed and then my body, so I'm resting on one leg and against the building, my shoulder pressed into the cool concrete. Is this how he intends to shoot me? How the fuck did he even get a gun? Those things aren't put in the games, are they? I've never seen one and I'm pretty sure they would think it was too easy-

"Don't." Benjamin squeaks out, clutching the sheathed sword to his chest. "Aaron, please."

"Are you a good shot, Aaron?" I taunt, "Have good reflexes?"

"Shut up!" My skull is shoved against the wall and I assess the strength just like I think Gale -or even Henry- would do. Either he went easy on me, he's nervous, or he's just weak. Probably one of the first two. "You're going to do what I say-"

"And what exactly is that? There's nothing I can do for you right now."

"Do you have any food on you?"

"Bit hungry, are you?"

"Very."

I glance at Benjamin, "I guess he doesn't like frozen green beans either?"

Benjamin smiles, then swallows nervously, "Aaron, don't hurt her."

"You're not in charge here, Ben." The gun moves away just to come back and hit, hard, against the back of my head. My body jerks forwards, and Benjamin yelps, flinging himself back.

A foot comes down and presses into my back, shoving my body into the ground. With my head turned to the left, I see him. He doesn't look like he's been struggling at all. Dammit. He points the gun at me again, "Do you have anything useful on you?"

"You'll have to search me, babe." I wink.

He flinches then looks at Benjamin, "We don't need her."

Just as the pounding in my head stops, Benjamin kneels down next to me, "She's not going to hurt us."

"She won't hurt you. That's why you had to distract her."

"But-"

"Ben. We don't need her, and if we take her out-"

"One less thing to worry about?" I huff, "If you fire that gun it's going to be loud. Someone will find us, then someone from my group will find out it was you. I might hurt you, Aaron; but I'm not about to kill you. They will."

He seems to consider it. Slowly, he lowers the pistol. When he backs away, signalling for Benjamin to do the same. I stand. "There. No gun. Now what can you do for us?"

I step forwards quickly and punch him in the jaw, sending him to the ground. Before he can recover and point the gun at me again I raise my palms up, "Hey, you hit me first. All's fair in love and war, right?" I reach my hand out and try not to laugh when he flinches. It felt strange to actually punch someone, but after the fear he just put me through, it also felt good. "Oh, just let me help you up."

He takes my hand and I pull on his arm to help him to his feet. He huffs and rubs at his chin, "Did you really have to hit that hard? You could have broken something-"

"You deserved it." I turn to Benjamin, "Can I have my sword back now?"

"Don't give it to her."

"Dammit, Aaron. If you get to keep the gun, then I get to keep my sword."

He lowers the pistol again and tucks it into his belt. "I am way too damn trusting." He nods at Benjamin.

I take the sheathed sword and pull it onto my back, adjusting it so it's more comfortable. Then I look back at the two. I'll feel bad about it later but there's nothing I can do for them right now. "It's going to start getting dark soon..."

"What? You're just going to leave us here?" Aaron huffs.

I stare at him, my eyes wide, "Just a minute ago you wanted to kill me!"

"Yeah, but-"

"No! I'm leaving. Gale will go insane if he finds me missing. Be careful, you two." I smile at Benjamin, "Be smart."

He smiles back, "I hope we see each other again!"

"So do I."

Aaron just rolls his eyes, "If you're out wandering again, bring some supplies for us to steal from you."

"Will do." I nod then turn on my heel and walk away, silently begging him not to pull out that pistol again. I've had enough excitement for today by far.


	27. Name That Pokemo- Er, Tribute

By the time I make it back to the building, the sun is going down, my stomach is starting to growl, and Gale is being held back at the entrance by a very unconcerned Henry. Obviously he was planning to look for me. Walking out from behind the corner I was peeking around, I stride straight towards them. Henry notices me first and lets go of Gale who stumbles then stares at the career like he's the worst person he's ever come across.

"I think he's trying to tell you that someone's behind you." I call to Gale. He turns and in two steps his arms fold around my waist. "Miss me?"

He steps back to glare at me, his hands staying at my waist, "Where the fuck were you?!"

"Out. I'm sorry, Gale. I know I shouldn't have done that, but I was careful!" His expression softens slightly but he's still glaring. I poke his cheek, "Love you."

"Were you followed?" Henry asks.

"Nope! Not all day, oddly enough. I didn't see anyone. Well, two someones. But they didn't see me." Lie, after lie, after lie. It is getting easier, though.

"Idiot. Moron. Dumba-" I poke Gale's cheek again and he fumes, "The fuck were you thinking? Heading off on your own?! You could have been killed!"

"I wasn't. And neither were you. That's what matters. No offence, Henry."

He rolls his eyes, "Just get inside before someone sees you."

As soon as we're on the third floor, Gale pulls me away from the stairwell and through a hallway to the center of a barely lit room. It's smaller than the one we have our camp set up by far. He drags me in and closes the door before pushing me against the wall.

To my left, there's the door. To the right, the window. I could probably survive the fall. Barely. But the aftermath of going so far to avoid Gale at a time like this? I couldn't survive that. So I look forwards, into Gale's angry eyes. His hands pin my shoulders so I doubt I could run from him anyway.

"What happened, Meg?"

"Nothing. I went out for a walk."

"Don't make me ask again."

Sighing, I lift my hands to his chest and push him away slightly. "Fine. I tripped... Hit my head against the wall..."

Completely unfazed by my pout, he steps closer again and holds my shoulders tighter, "And who made you trip?"

"It might have been Aaron... It might have been Aaron's gun..."

"How did he get a gun?"

"It's just a pistol!" Gale doesn't seem reassured by any measure. "He used Benjamin to distract me. Hit me a couple of times-"

"What?!"

"-then let me go. I'm okay, Gale. I promise."

His left hand leaves my shoulder and slams into the wall beside my head. I close my eyes for a moment, hoping I didn't hear a bone crack. Then I turn my head and look at his fist. With what little light still coming from the window, I notice blood trickling out from beneath his fingers.

"Gale..." I whisper. Taking his bleeding hand, I kiss the knuckles softly before resting it on my shoulder again. I'm sure there's a little blood on my lips now but I could care less. This idiot needs to learn to control his anger.

He closes his eyes and leans in and I do the same. It's what lovers do, right? Argue and then make up. Kiss like they're just glad to be in each others arms. Lovers try to understand each other using their lips but not with words- And I assume that's what Gale is aiming for now.

What I understand from the kiss is that he's pissed off. That I scared him. And that if we were anywhere else he would freeze me out for at least a whole week after making sure I was grounded for doing something stupid.

Gale starts to pull back but I wrap my arms around his shoulders and don't let him get far before crashing our lips together again. His hands move down and press against my waist, holding me between him and the wall. I don't think he was expecting the sudden passion I'm giving him, but I can't help it. I don't want to. If I'm really going to die here I want to at least try to experience real romance- true love. Or something somewhat similar.

His hands hold steadily at my sides while his tongue eases out and licks my lips lightly. With the encouragement from his teeth pulling on my bottom lip, I let his tongue in to wander. I don't fight his dominance. I want it.

But as much as I try, as hard as I push myself, I can't get Jack out of my head. While Gale and I are here, sucking on each others faces with very rare breaks for air, all I can think about is the white-haired guy I'm in love with. I zone in and out. While I'm in, I'm focused. I deepen the kisses if possible in the moment, and I give Gale as much attention as I can. But while I'm out; I'm far gone. I picture white hair, cool hands, and those blue eyes I dream of. I imagine Jack is the one with his hands sliding slowly up my shirt and his mouth kissing along my jaw, making my heart both beat faster and skip beats entirely.

Once again, Gale pulls away for air, "Wha- What's gotten... into you?"

I don't blame him. I'm having trouble breathing as well. How he's even speaking is a mystery to me. But after a long minute I find my own voice, "W-was it too much?"

"No" he chuckles. We both enjoyed it. As out of character it would have been for us outside this arena; it only makes sense to us now. We need the moments we give each other. Because while he has his hands on me and I have mine tangled in his hair, I can forget my own imminent death. And Gale's. I might as well say I can forget death entirely. Because while we're surrounded by it, all I can feel is him. And I need that desperately.

"Maybe we should meet up with the others?" I suggest, tugging playfully on his ear. "Grab something to eat on the way?"

I smile at him and he sorts out my shirt as I flatten his hair. Just because we had a major make out session doesn't mean anyone needs to see the evidence of it. Although my lips feel bruised I'm sure they don't look it. And even if Gale was squeezing hard enough to leave marks on my sides, no one will see them.

"Let's go." He kisses my neck one more time, making me giggle, then leads me out with his arm around my waist.

I like the tent a lot more than the cold floor and the cold ceiling that's so far away I almost fear it isn't there at all. Luckily it's a large tent. And luckily I'm not afraid of Toby -for the time being. And, honestly, it's so much warmer being bundled up in here. It's almost too warm to have Gale's arm around me but the moment he tries to move it away I pull him even closer. I don't want the cold to come back. I don't want to be alone.

When Gale is finally asleep soundly, I don't bother pulling his arm back over myself. It's caused me enough trouble already. If he could just give in and cuddle me then I wouldn't be having the problem of considering my other options. I look at Toby.

"No." He says, turning away from me.

"I thought you said you would volunteer." I whisper back at him, "Man up."

"I don't care how lonely you are. I don't care how lonely I am. Just stay the hell away from me."

"Then... Go get me something to eat?"

"Get your own damn snacks."

"Please!" I whine.

"No."

"If I die, it's your fault entirely."

"I want to comment, but I know I shouldn't."

"Good boy." I groan as I stand up. "Stay, boy."

I know for a fact that Ann is on lookout duty right now. I also know that in a couple of hours it will be Gale's turn. That's one of the reasons I shouldn't have bothered him so much. Why I feel bad about it. I doubt Ann is below on the storage floor. She's probably on the upper floor, surveying the area. I've only been up there for a quick minute and it really is the best place to look out from. Windows all around the floor, only a couple of rooms sectioning it off. We've put a few things up there, important things, but nothing I need to go after now.

So I walk down one floor, using my hands to guide myself along the walls, and open up the door into the storage room. Walking to the right, still guiding myself along walls, I circle the room until I find the right door. Inside, it's still dark. I consider searching for something to eat without a light source, but then a corner of the tarped window opens and it lets in a bright light. I see a packet of vanilla wafers and dive for them. Not the same as cream puffs but a decent stand-in.

I take small bites of the treat, curling up in the far corner of the room away from the door. In this corner, the light from the window doesn't reach me. But I can see the door and that's comforting. I left it open in my rush for food, and now I just don't feel like getting up just to close it again.

If I've counted right, there are only 10 tributes left. 6 right here in this building. Aaron and Ben somewhere else, the twin, and who? Who was left...

I try for several minutes before the answer is staring me straight in the face. Well, not in the face. He's staring at the piece of tarp that's flapping in the wind. It's the tank from District 2. Gregorio. Why is he here? In this building? And where is Ann, she's supposed to be watching!

He leans down and picks up a box of food, glancing around the dark room. I silently beg for him not to see me. Then his eyes pass over my dark corner and I'm not worried about him seeing me as much as hearing my heart hammering inside my chest. But his eyes continue around the room.

When he leaves, and I hear the heavy stairwell door close, I let out a long breath I'd been holding. Then I stand, shakily, and cross to the open part of the window. It's on the same face of the building as the entrance so I wait a while. I have to lean partially outside and sure enough, the giant hulk of man is escaping with two boxes piled in front of his chest.

I bolt out of the room and up to the top floor. Seeing Ann, I cross over to where she's glaring out the window. She's watching Gregorio.

"Bastard." She whispers.

"I was right to hide from him, wasn't I?"

"Duh. He would have crushed you between his thumbs. Popped your head off. Sat on you-"

"I get it. He has a hundred ways to kill me-"

"More like a thousand." After the tank has disappeared, she turns around and walks towards the stairs. "Come on, we have to tell Henry what just happened."

"What do you think he'll suggest?" I ask, following her, "We're not going after him, are we?"

"No way. We'll be moving camp in the morning."


	28. Toby Is My Favorite

I've figured it out. It took me a night of zero sleep, curled up next to Gale, and a morning of packing, still curled up next to Gale, but I figured it out. Gregorio is the main problem we all have. Even Henry is afraid of him. None of us want to fight him, and we definitely don't want him coming around again. We have to take him out, or get someone else to do it for us.

We could wait for the elements to take him out, but we would be waiting for a very long time. With what we guess he's taken, he should have enough to last as long as we could. But none of us have that time; the Capitol will be getting bored soon. I can only guess they've barely been sated with what the tributes have given them already. We're lucky they haven't sent any mutts out. Or, none that we know of.

I actually came up with the idea when a headache started up behind my eyes. I thought back to the day before, to Aaron. And he seemed like a great solution to the problem. Not just him, though. His pistol. Even a guy as big as Gregorio couldn't survive multiple bullets ripping into his body. The problem was that we either had to convince Aaron to help us, or steal his gun. I keep these thoughts to myself while I try to decide the best course of action.

By late afternoon, we have all the essentials in our new base. The men on our team won't tell us what they plan to do with the stuff at the old base but honestly? I don't want to know any details. As long as they're taking care of it; they can keep all the secrets they want. Our new building has only 5 floors. Our tent sits on the top floor, and our supplies stay with us. We plan to block off the stairs on the third floor. But, again, that's up to the men.

It's not because the age-old sexism of men doing everything for women. Bea is asleep most of the time, Ann is on watch with her bow, and I'm not allowed to leave the tent. I'm grounded, says Gale. With the mood he was in, no one came to my rescue.

There are no cannons, or announcements, and on the sixth day we begin to wonder what the gamemaker will have planned for us. 10 tributes. I know what my guess is. Splitting up the largest group, or taking out Aaron and Benjamin. I need Aaron's gun and if he's as good of a shot as he thinks, then I need him along with it. I have no hope for the twin. I don't know what's taking her so long, but she must be planning something awesome. It's either her or Toby in that situation, and my bet is on Toby.

But at what point will I be splitting off from the careers? From Gale? I'm too afraid to leave, but I have no hope if I stay. I may be welcome by them for now -barely in Toby's case- but we can't all go home. I'm guessing, if I stayed, -not including Toby because of our deal- then the first one to snap on me will be Bea. She's frightening in a very absent-minded serial killer kind of way. Like someone in one of the books Janet has told me about. Brian, though he wouldn't admit it, has read those, too. Apparently the killer is a total hottie with an amazing smile, but a goofy, childlike enthusiasm in his everything else. Next would be Ann. No contest. She would snap first if it weren't for Henry, whom would likely try to hold his ground until there was no choice.

Still, I have to keep in mind I've only known these people just over a week now. I don't know them that well. With the exception of Henry and his incredible people reading skills, they don't know me well either. They know I ran, they know my story is that I'm in love with Gale, and they know that, like everyone else, I'm not willing to lay down and die.

Slowly, my teammates find their way back to the tent. Well, apart from Bea who didn't move at all since setting it up. Henry agrees to take first watch. Toby volunteers second. After that, they'll see who's awake. Usually someone is by that point whether it's nightmares, hunger, or just everything at once. I'll probably take third, which means I'll be waking Gale up. Just for fun. He'll be mad about Toby letting me out of the tent to take a watch, but what can he do?

Toby, last to enter -other than Henry who is already starting on his watchman duty-, passes me another peach, "We're running low. Enjoy that."

"I will." Smiling at him, I roll the fruit around in my hands. Gale takes it from me and I don't complain. I'm not all that hungry. Earlier in the day I had been. In fact, I'd eaten more than I should have. That's the way it's been this whole time I've been in the arena. I'm either ready to eat everything or sick at the thought of eating anything at all. Henry and Gale have noticed, no one else. Obviously, since Toby is staring at me like I hit him.

"Something wrong?" He asks me.

"No, Toby. I'm just not feeling well."

"Well, that counts as something wrong."

He has a point. "I meant that there's nothing wrong with the peach. Or with you offering me a peach."

"Hmm."

Gale and Toby both look to me and I roll my eyes. With my arms behind my head, I lay back against the blankets. "Goodnight, boys."

"Goodnight," Gale puts an arm around me as he settles in beside me. "Love you."

"Mm. Love you."

"Love you, too!" Toby calls before yawning. "Especially you, Gale." He winks one of his green eyes then falls back with a thud.

Considering nobody ever sleeps anymore I whisper, "Gale? What are we going to do if the gamemaker comes after us?"

"Fight back." He replies sleepily, "As always. Now be quiet and sleep."

And I'm sure it's not easy for either of us but we do sleep. Where he probably dreams of squirrels and snares, as I always assume he does, I dream of Toby... and that wire he keeps with him. In my dream, it's wrapped around his hand like I've seen so many times before. But as he nears me on a snowy rooftop, it uncurls and snakes through his fingers. As he holds it with both hands I can't stop my body from backing away from him, closer to the edge. I know it's stupid, and I scream at myself for it. But I can't stop. My back hits something and I can only wonder why there's a wall on a rooftop. I panic, staring at Toby. He shouts something, staring above me, so I turn around and stare at a very pissed off Henry. Backing away again, my head jerks between the two. Who am I more afraid of?

After what seems like an eternity, Toby is shaking me awake and whispering, "Come on, Meg. I want to get some sleep, too." Carefully pushing Gale's arm away from me, I stretch lightly before taking Toby's hand. He pulls me up and says, "It's about time."

"I need to ask you something."

"Can it wait until tomorrow?"

"I might not remember tomorrow. Come downstairs with me, alright? Just for a moment?" He sighs but gestures towards the tent door. I grab my sword then push through the tent, and he follows as I walk down to the fourth floor of the building. Immediately, I grab a package of beef jerky. I'm not that hungry, but the need to snack on something is back and I can't help it.

Leaning against the wall, I hold out the jerky to Toby, who takes one piece, "Is this why you're keeping me up?"

We chew for a bit then I blurt out, "Are you still going to kill me?"

He grins and for a moment his eyes sparkle, "Does this mean I'm allowed to think about it again?"

"No, I just-"

"Meg, I'm kidding. Why are you asking me about that?"

"I had this dream-"

"Ugh-"

"-you were coming after me and I backed into Henry-"

"Was this a sexy dream-"

"-then I was standing between you two-"

"This was definitely a sexy dream-"

"You both wanted to kill me. And I didn't know who I was more afraid of." For once, he actually shuts up. I stare down at my feet and shift slightly in the padded boots. "So? Who should I be more afraid of?"

Ever so subtly, he shoves his hand into his pocket to pull out the wire. I'm more curious than afraid. This isn't a dream and I have full control of my body. I do really hate that wire though. "You should be more afraid of Henry. He's more frightening than that Gregorio bastard."

I reach out and touch the wire that he's just curled around his knuckles. It's cold, it's rough, and I don't understand how this could be his choice for a weapon. I drop the jerky back onto the pile of food and my right hand starts twitching for my own weapon strapped to my back. "Why are you so afraid of him?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" His hand turns around and mine falls into his palm. "Even you should be afraid of him."

"I am, weren't you listening?"

"Not just in your dreams. You need to be afraid of him in reality, too."

"What happened between you two?"

Our hands drop to our sides. He twists his body and leans against the wall on my left. His fingers play with the wire for a few moments. He sighs, "I may have tried to make out with Ann."

I choke back a laugh, "You- what?!"

"Shut it, Megan. It nearly worked. I know it did. Who could resist me?"

"I've been doing a pretty decent job of it."

"I haven't even been trying on you. I want you under the ground, not under me. Not even on top of me and, God, I love it when girls top-"

"So Henry found out, then?"

Toby clears his throat, "Bitch told him. He told me if I still wanted to be on his team, then I had to cooperate and stay away from his woman."

"Oh. That's why you needed me..."

"I still need you. I may not like you, now or ever, but I like to think we've found some sort of common ground... We've bonded over the last few days, Meg. Henry is the one you need to be afraid of now. Let's face it, you won't be difficult to kill."

"Ouch."

"Out of all of us? Meg, you're screwed."

"Go away, Toby."

"Gladly," he yawns, "If you need anything, let someone else know."

"Got it." I watch him as he walks away. He made a pass at Ann? I can see why him and Henry don't get along.

Toby is right, though. I'm screwed. I haven't done much for myself since being here. I even get Bea to help me wash my clothes. Not that they really get washed, more like rubbed with snow and shaken out. They feel a lot cleaner after she gets done with them, and I'm always grateful. Between the three of us, me, Bea, and Ann, we came up with our own effective cleansing routine. If there were so much as a river or a small water fall we would be a lot better off but with only snow and containers to keep water and then to heat it up slowly, we had to make due. The men have their own ways of cleaning themselves up. I wouldn't be surprised if it involved rolling around in mud but no matter what they always find some way to look better than they did the night before. Then again, simply combing fingers through their hair manages that.

Most of the time, I'm even handed all the meals I eat. If it's a can of something, or some cut up fruit, it's not usually something I do myself unless I have a midnight snack. I don't sleep alone, eat alone. I don't do anything on my own. The most on my own thing I've done is when I went on that adventure and nearly got myself killed. Maybe I'm just more dependent than I like to think.


	29. Don't Be A Hero

/AN/  
I'm having incredible sads tonight  
Just thought I'd let you know

* * *

Gale eventually finds me. He's pissed off, like I knew he would be, about me taking a night watch. Especially after finding me on the bottom floor, staring out the window at the moon. After a few minutes of quiet scolding, he dragged me upstairs and back into the tent. For the rest of the night, I'm in and out of more nightmares. No longer about Toby, but still frightening. My newest fear? Falling. I counted three times that I woke in a spasm, like I was actually falling from one of the buildings. More than anything, it annoyed me.

In the morning, I tell Toby about it. "I don't know, maybe I need to do more exercise so I'm too tired to dream..."

"Does that work?"

"I hope so. It's my only plan."

"My granny used to tell us stories about... premonitions. And dream visions. Maybe you're psychic?"

I sigh, leaning back against the blankets. I'm glad we're alone in here or the others would think I'm even crazier than they already assumed. "A bad omen?"

"Yeah. Like that. Or, you know, it could just be nightmares." His green eyes scan me from where he's sitting up just to my left, "You know, Meg-"

"Something is going to happen today, isn't it?"

"Hmm, probably. Something could happen right now, if you want." He winks and I smile before throwing a rolled up sleeping bag at him. "Ouch. Okay, got it. I won't be getting laid any time soon."

"Sad, isn't it?"

"Not as sad as you. Virgin."

"Hey, shut up!"

"We could both get what we want-"

"Shut. up."

He puts his palms up in defense, "I had to ask once. For your information, that was not me trying. Me trying would have you naked on top of me in 10 seconds."

"Then why didn't it work on Ann?"

He throws the sleeping bag away from himself and falls back against the blankets next to me. "If the gamemaker has a plan, it's probably the twin. He'll save Gregorio for something- maybe even someone else. I'm the one whose time has run out."

I watch him, fully aware of how serious he is. "You've... thought about this?"

"Yeah. Loads. I'm ready for her. If she's anything like her brother, it won't be easy."

"Why did you kill him first? There were others around you and-"

"Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to."

"I do that a lot."

"I've noticed." He takes a few shaky breaths then asks, "Meg, if that twin comes after me, and I'm not saying I'll need any help-"

"I'll be there. If I can be." A heart to heart with Toby, huh? Is this what I've become? The games change people, sure. But this is ridiculous. "Hey, what would you do if you won the games?"

"Find myself a pretty lady and settle down."

"Really?"

"Yeah. For the night." He chuckles.

"Perv."

"Virgin."

"What the hell?!" Gale shouts. I sit up immediately and realize what he just walked in on; me and Toby laying beside each other. Depending on how long he's been standing there; it could be even worse. If Henry has told him the story about Toby making a pass at Ann... Well, that would be a disaster.

"It's, umm-"

"Not what it looks like." Toby finishes for me.

Gale orders, "Toby. Fuck off."

"Will do."

I watch as Toby leaves, then as Gale stares at me, I shrug, "What?"

"You know what."

"You've gone from thinking Toby will kill me at any time to- to thinking I'm going to have an affair with him? What the fu-"

Gale holds up a hand to stop me. Then he just shakes his head and turns away. This is just for the cameras, isn't it? He can't really be mad at me, and he can't really think that I would be interested in Toby... Right? Ew.

I lay there for a while before I stand and exit the tent. What to do, though? Do I run after Gale and explain things to him? Is that what a girlfriend would do? Maybe- Maybe that's what this is about? Maybe it's a plan to make me go to him instead of him always finding me. Or maybe he's just pissed off. Impossible to tell with him.

I stretch quickly then run down the stairs, wondering how to go about it and hoping a faster heart rate will just make words come out. It sometimes works, right? Hitting the bottom floor, I look around for, well, anyone.

"Looking for Gale?" Henry asks me. I nod at him. "He followed Toby out. Should I be worried?"

"Yes. Gale thinks Toby was trying to seduce me. I think. I'm not sure. Gale isn't very predictable. I was just going to-"

"I'll go with you." He leans over and grabs his double ended spear, "You both might need me."

"I don't think so. I can handle them-"

"Can you? You didn't even grab your sword-"

"I don't need it to deal with them!" I shout. Before he can respond, or before I can apologise, I run for it. He scares me, but I'm also scared of how easy it was for him to suggest that I'll either need to defend myself or hurt one of them.

I hear shouting and run towards it. I round a corner and see Gale pressing Toby against one of the buildings. Toby sees me and tries to shove Gale away who just closes his fist around the blondes throat.

"Gale, what the hell are you doing?!" I yell at him as I approach them.

"He's nothing but trouble, Meg."

I stop, five feet away, "He saved my life. And lately he's been a lot easier to talk to than you."

"Because he's flirting with you?"

"Because he isn't. What you walked in on was just a stupid conversation- Gale, let him go! He can't breathe!" Toby hits the ground and coughs shake his frame. I stare at him. Then at Gale. "Why did you do that."

"He has to die anyway. If one of us is going to survive-"

"You are not a murderer, Gale!"

"I am! In these games; I am! And so are you! Everyone is! If I don't kill him now-"

"Get away from him." I say blandly, "You've done enough for today and I want you to go back to camp and cool down."

"No."

"Gale-" I stare past him. Rounding the corner, twenty feet away, is the twin. My eyes widen, "Gale!"

He turns and glares, "The fuck is she doing here?"

Toby, unsteadily, stands. "You two get out of here." He coughs and grabs the wire from his pocket, "I have to deal with this."

"Toby-"

"Just go, Megan! I can handle her!"

Gale turns to me and I shake my head at him. I'm not leaving. I step forwards and we watch Toby and the twin approach each other slowly. A lump forms in my throat and I just want to grab him and pull him back.

"Bout time you got here, Beth. I was wondering if you even really cared for your brother-"

"Shut the fuck up!" She's in worse shape than anyone I've seen. Bea has a sleeve ripped off, sure. Beth doesn't even have her long sleeve shirt; it's wrapped around a wound on her left leg, where she's also ripped fabric from to tie back her long ebony hair. She's starved, freezing, and covered in mud. "You murdered him!"

"That's what we do here. Isn't it?"

"I'll kill you!" Beth screams and lunges, bare hands clawing forwards.

Gale grabs my hand and squeezes tightly, telling me to stay put as Toby tries to get around to Beth's back. She goes for his face, while blocking with her elbows. When all else fails, Toby uncurls the wire from one hand and starts using it like a whip. He, like I know I did, misjudged her reflexes. She grabs it and pulls him down past her. Before he even hits the ground she pulls out a knife.

Without thinking, I move forwards. Gale shouts but I charge at her. She steadies the knife at me but I keep going. Luckily, just before I reach her, Toby kicks the back side of her knee and she buckles, falling forwards.

I jump over her and grab Toby's arm, "Come on!"

He stares away from me, his eyes wide. "Move!" He shouts, and pushes himself up and away from me.

I look where he's going and see Gale struggling with the twin. In a moment I have several horrible feelings hitting me. I abandoned him. I ran to Toby's aid but I thought Gale was the smart one! I thought he knew better than to charge a person with a knife aimed at him.

Toby wraps his arms around her from behind and tries to tear them apart. Only now do I realize his wire is at my feet. For a moment I consider picking it up then I hear Gale grunt and before my eyes even leave the ground I'm moving forwards again

But before I can do anything useful, Gale hits the ground. During the reaping, after my name was called, my vision narrowed. I only saw what was in front of me and even that was blurry. It's the same now as Gale, my best friend, pulls the knife from his chest.

I fall to my knees on his left, "Gale!"

"Meg?" His eyes are wide; he's shocked and confused. He's afraid and so am I. I know there's nothing I can do. He's bleeding and he's coughing- He's breathing harshly. I don't know what to do!

So I take his hand in my left, holding it over his mid. I can't look at the wound. I won't. Not any more than I have. I stare into his grey eyes as they water. He has a short coughing fit, his entire body shaking from it, and I notice blood in the corner of his mouth. Why? Why did it have to be Gale? Why couldn't that bitch have spared him?! It was Toby- and it was me who attacked her first!

His eyes both focus and unfocus on me and past me for a few moments. His hand squeezes mine softly and I'm so scared it's his strength leaving him already. "M-meg, do you remember? Our first kiss?"

"Yes," I don't know why I laugh, it's another one of those bubbles of emotion I don't know what to do with. "You were my first."

He laughs too. But it's more of a choking sound as more blood splutters from his mouth. I hold his hand tighter, willing my tears away. I can't let the last thing he sees be me crying. "I was so nervous. That was the whole reason I took you out that day." I didn't know that. "I-I just wanted to-"

Despite the coughing, I lean in closer. I can wash blood off later, the tears will help, but I need to hear his last words. Oh, fuck! Fuck! Gale, please, no! "G-go on, Gale."

He looks up at me so desperately and I sob. He cringes, "I'm sorry I- I didn't want you to see this-" More coughing, "Stay alive. Please."

"Gale, you were talking about our first kiss! Focus, okay?" I try to smile, putting my right hand lightly over his chest. "Tell me."

His eyes find my lips. "I thought, if I could- maybe I- we'd really be in love. We'd be- happy. It was funny, when we- realized that- we weren't in l-love at the time. I wanted so badly- I wanted to- Meg, I'm sorry!"

"Don't be. Don't be." I try to soothe him, but I'm far gone myself. It's like I'm both not here, numb, and also feeling so intensively in the moment that my body is too heavy. I could sink into the snow patched ground so easily right here. And I could sink with Gale. "I love you, Gale. You have made me happy."

"Have I?"

"Yes."

He smiles at me, just barely tugging the corners of his lips up, "I love you. And I'm so-" His eyes shut for a moment and I find myself shaking him. His eyes don't open but his soft voice registers as I lean in even closer to my best friend's paling face, "I'm sorry, Meg. Take care of yourse-"

And then there's nothing. It's silent. I can't hear him any more. I shake him again, afraid to lose him but even more afraid to cause any more damage to his body. I shake my head, "No, Gale. Don't go. Please."


	30. Struggle

Everything is still a blur. I know what's happening around me, but I don't feel any of it. Any sense I'd had, any emotion, I left back with Gale's body. At first, I'd refused to leave him. I couldn't leave him. But then I had no choice. Toby hooked his arms under mine and dragged me away. Rather than blurry, the entire walk to our building, and to our floor, is entirely gone from my memory. What I know for sure is that before noon, I'd lost my breakfast, my grip on reality, and my best friend. In reverse order.

I sit in the tent all day, usually between sobbing and shaking. Whether my eyes were open or not, it's like I'm always staring. I'm tired but I can't sleep. I can't think, but I know there should be a thousand things running through my mind. I'm aware and entirely not. And I'm not left alone. Either Bea is sleeping beside me, Toby is trying to get a rise out of me, or Henry is just sitting beside me. I don't know where Ann is, but I hear her voice sometimes when she pokes in to pull Henry away. I don't want to be such a nuisance but it's still not real to me. It's still not possible. I heard the cannons. I did, but that's not enough. Not the ache in my heart, nor the numb pain through my entire body make it enough. Even if I hadn't, at some point, rinsed his blood from my hands, it still wouldn't be enough. And until it's real; I won't go any further away from where I left him. From where I abandoned him; again.

As I see the light outside fade, I stand from the blankets suddenly. It surprises Toby, who was just about to throw another wad of gauze at me. He'd been changing his bandages all day. I think it was from after he pulled Beth off of Gale...

"Where are you going?"

"It's getting dark out." I say simply as I leave the tent. He's hot on my heels as I approach the window. "The announcements..."

"Are you sure you want to watch?"

"I have to." Because if I don't, this will never be real. Placing my hands on the cool concrete, I stare out the window. When Toby joins, on my right, I barely glance his way.

He sighs, "You've barely moved all day. You're only going to get worse-"

"What? I won't move all night? That's called sleeping, Toby."

"You're not sleeping tonight. Neither am I. I'm sorry, Meg. It's my fault, isn't it?"

"It's mine..."

His arm goes around my shoulders and he says softly, accusingly, "If you search for the root... Whose fault is it, really?" The Capitol. We can't say it out loud, but we know it. That fact doesn't make it any easier. Liam pops into my head. Him and Stephanie. For a moment it's hard to breathe. Toby's hand pats my back, "We're going to be waiting out here for a while."

"Yeah."

"The others will be back soon. Do you... want me here?"

I look at him. Do I? I would rather be alone... But when I eventually am alone, I'll probably want to have someone beside me. It's a no-win situation. "Stay. Please?"

"Well, you don't have to beg," he laughs, "I'll stay."

"Thank you. And- I know you miss my voice but I Just can't talk right now. Sorry."

"I understand. Believe it or not, Gale's death has had an effect on all of us. Yes, even me. I'm not just a psychotic murderer."

"Too bad, that would have helped."

He laughs again and his arm leaves me. Leaning out the window he lets out a long breath. "If you had any intention of actually defending yourself, maybe-"

"I didn't plan to actually run into her knife. I would have done something. And if I could- before Gale- I would have done anything." My body shakes and Toby sighs, his arm going around my shoulders again. I'm sobbing, my hands wringing together over the concrete sill.

As the sun sets and the stars come out -I'm not sure if they're real or not- I eventually realize that the others are beside us. Henry at my left, with Ann clutching to his arm on the far side, and Bea yawning on Toby's right. We're all watching the stars, waiting for the song and the pictures of the two who didn't make it through the morning. That was almost Toby. And it was almost me. But it wasn't. We're going to see Gale's picture up there. And I am absolutely terrified of that.

The music comes on and my hand jumps to Toby's, squeezing it against the sill. He flinches slightly but doesn't complain. Henry's hand covers my left, gently. But my eyes are glued on the symbol in the sky. When it fades, for a moment, I think there won't be any pictures.

But there has to be. And Gale's is shown first. I don't need to fake the heartbreak, or the tears. Gale was not, in actuality, my lover, or boyfriend. He was, and forever would be, my best friend. I loved him. And I will never forget him.

It fades too soon and is too soon replaced by Beth's smiling face. I wish I could hate her. I'm angry, and I feel a measure of rage, but I can't hate her. Even that wouldn't be right. The games change people. Even if just for a moment. She wasn't after Gale, either. She was after the man who murdered her twin brother; and then she was forced to defend herself. Is it possible, if Gale hadn't charged her, that she would have left him alone? I don't know. I don't know what kind of person she was. Since it took her so long to attack Toby... Maybe she didn't want to kill anyone. It's too late to ask her, and there's no sense in trying to psychoanalyze a dead person.

I'm pulled back to the tent by Toby, who is apparently the only one who really doesn't mind helping me out. It's probably because of our deal. I'm grateful. It's all hitting me at once that Gale is gone and I'll never hear his voice, or feel his hand in mine. Even if his voice would be insulting me, or his hand would be in mine only to drag me away from Jack; I'm going to miss everything about him. I'm going to miss everything he did for me, and everything we did together. Fuck, this shouldn't have happened.

And, fuck, I can't sleep. Because of what happened, and because of my sleeping teammates. There are 8 tributes left. 5 of us are in this tent. I'm the weak link, and they know it. Toby said it best; I'm screwed. I don't have anyone watching my back. Toby wants me dead, Bea is a psychopath who is always half asleep beside me, Ann is (if I'm being honest) just a total bitch, and Henry is that never giving up type that scares the hell out of everyone. Who am I? I'm not the runaway. I'm not the fighter. I'm the mourning girl with absolutely no chance.

Eventually, I leave the tent. I walk down one set of stairs, moving automatically, and grab what I can. I pack a backpack, my mind going back to the day I ran, my arms frequently coming up to wipe at my eyes. I have periods when I can't cry, and others when I can't stop. I pack pretty much the same things I packed back then. Some food, bandages and painkillers, a full water bottle, and a flashlight. I also take a tarp, making sure that it holds around the straps with some rope. I don't take all I can. If I take too much, even though we're nearing the end anyway, I can't leave them with nothing. I also can't give them too much reason to come after me so soon.

After eating the last peach, I go back to the stairwell. Unlike in the last building, there are small windows in here. It's just enough to see by. For the hundredth time, that little voice in my head is telling me not to leave. Well, voice, what would you say tomorrow after I'd decided to stay? You would say that I should have taken the chance I had. I'm dead if I stay. Not that my chances are much better if I leave, but I'm hoping they will be.

Before I hit the main floor, I take the little pink heart clip from my pocket. Staring at it for a few long moments, I try to keep the memories away. I can't go through them again. I can't stop for even a moment now. I have to move. I clip it onto the vest straps, one close to my heart, and take a deep breath. There are too many thoughts running through my mind. One is that I need to keep in mind what Gale would want me to do. And I doubt he would want me to act half dead until someone -Toby- decides it's time to push me a little further along.

I walk out of the stairwell, on the main floor, and nearly jump out of my skin when I notice Henry by the front doors. I can't avoid him. I step forwards, into the light from one of the windows, and clear my throat.

He turns and stares at me. "What are you doing up?"

I shrug and point to the backpack, "It's time I split from the pack."

"You sound confident. Then again, maybe it's a lack of confidence. Lack of emotion. Lack of..." He looks me up and down, "anything you might need to stay sane."

"Sanity is overrated."

"Is it?" He asks curiously. "Because your sanity is the only thing you have left."

"I have my fight. More of it now."

"Right." Henry steps to the side, gesturing to the doors, "Too bad about Gale. He was useful."

"Oh, fuck off, Henry." I sigh as I move forwards, ignoring his chuckle. But then he steps in my way again and I have to step back to keep some distance between us.

"I've never heard you swear before. It's cute. Now, is there any way I can convince you to stay?" He sighs, "I really don't want to have to search for you. Stay, Megan. Give me a break."

"No way in hell," I spit at him, "I'm leaving."

"You won't make it through tomorrow."

"Neither will you. But then, we've been saying that every year, every night before the reaping. Well, I know I have. Have you ever been afraid of the games?"

"What's this? Last minute therapy session?"

"Maybe. If you don't move out of my way."

We stare each other down for long moments then, again, he sighs. His dark eyes stare through me like he's so disappointed, "You're making this harder on everyone, you know."

"It's what I do." I am a fighter. I shouldn't be doubting that. I'll fight for myself, for my friends, my family, Gale. I'll never not have a reason to fight. But it's too tiring to tell him all of this. So I step around him, "Thank you, Henry. For keeping me sane."

"It obviously didn't work."

"Well, you tried." I smile back at him, then quickly duck through the door.

Using the light of the moon, I navigate my back towards where I found -or where Aaron and Benjamin found me. I need to get rid of Gregorio. The only way I can think of -other than making him sit on one of those landmines- is with Aaron's pistol. And Aaron. I would be lucky to get any use out of a gun, whereas he seems confident with one. It's risky to go near those two so close to the end, but what else can I do?

I walk for hours, this way and that. Checking for tracks or other signs of life. I don't let my mind wander. I focus, I plan, I don't let thoughts of Gale in. I'll have more time to mourn later. And I'll take that time. Now I need to focus on survival. On making it home so I can mourn...

No, I have to stop thinking. I have to move.

But then it's noon and I hear a cannon and all I can think of is what happened yesterday. It takes my breath away and I stumble, nearly falling against a building. For a few long moments I take deep breaths and steady myself. It's not him. Not again. It's just someone I don't know very well. Someone who, if I were killed, wouldn't care either. There's another cannon and I can't even think about who I hope it was. Or how I hope it happened.

After a while, I'm able to keep walking. I know I've passed the spot where Aaron nearly shot me, and I know they wouldn't have gone far from that spot, but I don't know where else to go. I could circle the area for a very long time but they won't be out here. Dammit. You know what I need? I need there to be a feast. We all do. But something tells me none of the remaining tributes are desperate enough yet. That will change soon.

But what surprises me is what actually happens. Instead of a feast, I hear _mutts_. Instead of my shining moment where I fight tooth and nail to survive; there's just running. Which, I suppose, is how the Capitol would want me to die.


	31. I'm Sorry, Vanilla Wafers

Unfortunately, nothing is blurry. I can see the buildings around me, and I can see them pass me as I run faster at every snarl I hear at my back. These creatures aren't anything like I've seen before. These are like jaguars with bat wings and teeth that look as if they've been individually sharpened. The noises they make reverberate through my body, sending chills up my spine and goosebumps along my skin. I think that's part of the mutation as well. Basically; these mutts are terrifying.

When I think I'm running fast enough, one snaps at my ankles, another above me, likely trying to bite my whole head off. It must have been possible for them to be made even faster than me, so this must be another way to mess with me. I can't run forever. I know that well enough by now.

After one particularly frightening close call, I bee line for a building. Running through the streets won't do me any good. I don't even know how many are following me and hopefully I won't have to find out. Hopefully I can find a room to lock myself in. They were sent out for a reason and for all I know, it's me.

I make it inside, shut the heavy doors, and watch as one crashes into them leaving spots of blood. Now, I never used to have a problem with blood. Still, I can handle it. But if it were all the same, I would rather not see any more for as long as I live. Which, I hope, is a long time. I can't hold them at the doors for long, so I bolt for the stairs. Just like I told Henry, buildings are good for bottlenecking a swarm of enemies. I make it up one flight of stairs, then another, then I freeze halfway up the third.

A door bursts open on the top floor and I hear a terrifying screech. In a moment my blood runs cold and I nearly fall backwards. I knew this would happen; I knew I would be trapped. There are only seven floors, if I counted correctly. I run up to the fourth and close the door behind myself. There's a long hallway, with other rooms branching off. I can go in one, and risk being seen by one of the flying mutts, or I can stand in the hallway and face them. Neither seem like good ideas.

There's howling from in the stairwell and I realize my only hope is that they're all searching the building. That there are none outside. And that I can survive a fall from the fourth floor of a very large building.

I run to the farthest room, on the back side of the building, and shut myself inside it. Luckily, there's actually a window in here. And, with even more luck, there are no winged mutts staring in at me. But as I look out the window, I realize that maybe my dream self had a point. Falling does frighten me. Taking off the backpack, I shove it to the ground and undo the rope. Somehow, I stuff the tarp inside. I can't risk losing anything that I may need when I end up with worse than a twisted ankle.

The rope isn't long enough, I can tell already. The only safe place I can think to tie it to is around the concrete in the corner of the room, between the two windows. When I'm confident that the rope will stay in place at least long enough for me to get at least to a safer jumping height, I replace the backpack over my sheathed sword and, for some extra good luck, touch the heart clip. Climbing over the window, I try to block out the growling that seems to be getting closer. There are no mutts outside and that's what matters. As long as I can make it out, and then hide somewhere else, I'll be fine. Probably. At least for a little while.

I grab onto the rope and lift my other leg over to sit awkwardly on the narrow sill. I hear them barreling down the hall and let myself fall. Clutching onto the rope, I wince as my hip hits against the concrete wall. I don't think I thought that through as much as I should have. Even considering the mutts on my tail. I ease myself down the rope, my legs tangling in it to keep my body steady while my arms do most of the work. It's slow, it's terrifying, and it's not long before I'm near the end of the rope.

My heart is pounding loudly in my ears, my breath visible as I lean my forehead against the wall. I go down just a little bit more and my legs dangle with nowhere to go. I could try to fall and grab onto the second floor's window sill, but my arms are getting exhausted already. It's not that I'm weak; this is just hard stuff! I've never been good at rope climbing- there's nothing to hold onto! Unlike trees or fences- and even then I'm not very good.

There's another shriek from the mutts and I lose my hold. No matter how I scramble for it, I fall. Now, it's not fun falling from the second floor of a building. It's fucking scary. And with my arms the way they are, I hit my wrist against the window sill that was just moments ago below me and is now above me. The only luck I get is that I hit the ground almost immediately after and instead of the scream that had been bubbling up, all the air is pressed out of my lungs and I can barely even cough or gag or- well, I just can't do anything, can I?

I beat back the spots in my sight, roll to my side, try to nurse my aching neck, and hold my wrist off the ground. Landing on my backpack and sword did not help anything. It hurt my neck, my back, and probably squished the vanilla wafers. Stupid mutts. Why must I lose the most yummy food I'd taken? Quite simply put; it's not fair!

My wrist is probably the worst of it. There's a bloody gash, and -and I really hope I don't see a bone poking out. Luckily- and this is about the only lucky thing about it- I'm right-handed. Having my left hand out for the count isn't a good thing, but it's better than losing my strong arm.

Another howl, another lump in my already struggling throat. I haven't recovered yet, and it will probably take a long time anyway, but I need to move. I stand, and the dots in my vision come back ten fold for a few moments, making me think I've passed out. But my eyes open and clear and, while I'm still sick to my stomach, I walk out into the open. It makes sense to me right now. To just go to the nearest building and screw precautions. The mutts haven't left the building I just jumped off of, so maybe they'll camp there and leave me alone. Maybe I'm still too optimistic.

But, surprisingly enough, I make it into the building. And even onto the second floor. There are no doors on the rooms out from the hallway but I'm too tired to find another floor or building. So I sit in a room that only has one small window, and take some painkillers. After I know they've worked their magic, I pull back my left sleeve and carefully wrap some bandages around my bleeding wrist and hand. It looks better, at least. There was no bone poking out, but it's already swollen and I'm actually mad that I'm not the type to take more than the recommended dosage for painkillers. I just hope it doesn't get infected. I don't have anything for that.

The howling goes on till it gets dark out. Then I hear wings and can just see them flying away. I'm pressed against a wall, just trying not to scream in pain, frustration, or just because I can. I also try not to cry any more, but laying here does nothing to help with that. Thoughts creep in, and I'm too exhausted to push them away. It's Gale, it's Jack, and it's my family. My parents. Would they be proud of me? Are they, somehow, watching over me? I really wish it were true, that the Universe has let them stick around just to see me through this. That I'm not as alone as I feel.

But I am. I don't know where I am, I don't know where anyone else is, and I can barely stand to see whose faces are in the stars. Ann's face shows up first. Which means Henry is alive somewhere, but I'm betting he's roughed up. He would never let Ann go without a proper fight. I nearly collapse with relief when Gregorio's face pops up. And, finally, Aaron from district 12. It's a cruel thought but all I can think is that it's okay; I don't need him anymore.

When the storm starts up, I thank my lucky stars for the millionth time. No one will be out during a storm, probably not even the mutts. I can take my time to recover... at least for the night. It's the optimism. No matter how shitty things get, I can't stop myself from enjoying the good things.


	32. Motherly Instincts

Eventually I had to get up and attach the tarp to two walls like a teepee. Having it just wrapped around my body wasn't enough. Even through the small window, the storm flew in and kept me awake, freezing, and terrified. Each boom of thunder or electrifying strike of lightning was those mutts coming after me again. Every rush of wind was my mind losing itself, trying to convince me to give up. Worse, the wind was the voices of everyone's doubts, whether they were at any point real or not real.

All night I'm taking deep breaths and moving my arm around to find a more comfortable place to hold my aching, bleeding hand. Certain angles make it worse, only to feel a lot better only minutes later. At some point I drain the water bottle and finish off the larger bits of squished apple that I could find. In between bouts of fitful sleep that's about all I do. I'm glad to not have any more energy to think. My brain has had enough. So has my heart.

I don't think it matters how long it took for the sun to rise. Whether a few hours, or a week, there's no way I could ever have enough time to sleep off everything that's been happening. Nor could I walk long enough to tire myself out enough to stop thinking again. Try as I might.

And I do try with all my might. For hours I walk. Well, mostly. It's slow, I stop a lot, and around every corner I think I see a blur of fur and wings. Seeing mutts on the screen is a lot different from seeing them up close and far too personal. I still feel the spit from their growls on the back of my neck and every time I think about them the little hairs there stand up, too. I've found a new fear. Jaguars with bat wings. Though, I suppose, the concept of a giant cat with wings could be cool. Like, a sphinx.

Benjamin is still out here somewhere. I'm warring with myself. Should I try to find him? Should I avoid him altogether? I need to survive. But he's just a kid! If we were anywhere else, I wouldn't be having this problem. I would find him. We're in a bad place, at a very bad time. He'll be desperate. I know I'm desperate. Not enough to kill him, but enough that I'm not readily going to seek out and help him however I can.

"Dammit." I stop, staring up at the grey sky. A snowflake falls and I know that I'll regret not trying to help him. Every snowflake I see is like a warning of an oncoming storm. Like I said to Gale, we'll have a truce until we're the last two. Then the mutts can decide it.

Not quite an hour later, it's full on snowing. Everything around me is even quieter than it had been. Which is probably why I could easily hear him when he screamed.

I run the way I think it was coming from and call out to him, "Benjamin! Where are you!?" Another scream, and I cross to my left, entering a very tall building. On the eighth floor, I've finally come to the source. In a room to the left of the staircase, Benjamin is slumped against the far wall, panting and coughing.

"M-Meg?"

"Ben." I crouch next to him, placing my backpack next to us, and check him over. He looks even smaller than I remembered. And colder. Weaker. "What happened?"

"I got caught in the s-storm." He coughs, the air being forced from his lungs. "It was so cold!"

So that's it. This looks worse than a cold though. He's so pale, I don't think his blood is even trying to keep him warm at this point. I sit against the wall and pull him to sit in my lap, my arms wrapping around him.

"You're not much warmer than I am" he sniffles.

He's probably right. I let go of him and push him away slightly to take both our vests off, my sheath coming off too. I take the hairclip and tuck a lock of my wet hair behind my ear with it. I pull Benjamin back and also grab for the backpack. "Are you hungry?"

He nods, "I guess the vests weren't to keep us warm?"

"No, not really." I look over his shoulder and see blood on his long-sleeved shirt. I hand him some bread and reach for more bandage. Then I remember I've used it all. I sigh, "Please tell me that's not your blood."

Benjamin tenses, "It's Aaron's."

"I'm guessing you don't want to talk about it?" He nods again so I let it go. Gale's blood is staining my vest and shirt and I don't want to talk about that, either.

"I'm going to die, aren't I?" he asks after a few minutes.

"I don't know."

"I want to die like this."

"What do you mean?"

"My stomach isn't empty any more." He cuddles back against me, "And you're so warm."

I laugh, "Yeah, I guess that's not the worst way to go."

"What happened to your wrist?"

"Jumped out of a building. I tried to grab something to slow my fall and... Well, it wasn't pretty."

"Is it going to get infected?"

Thinking for a moment, I realize it's a possibility. I don't have any more clean bandages, or any medicine for it. "I'm not going to die from this, Ben." Probably. "Let's just worry about you, hmm?"

"Wh-what do you think is going to happen next?"

"Hmm... Well, they've introduced the mutts. I suppose the only thing we're missing is the feast, right? We both need medicine so-"

"What about our sponsors?"

"I... haven't gotten anything. Have you?"

"No..."

"It's more expensive to send anything at this point anyway." I don't mention how any sponsors we might have had likely lost any faith they once had in us. "We'll be alright. They'll call a feast and we'll get what we need."

"I can't walk that far..."

"I don't want to leave you alone for that long, Ben. You're going to have to try to move at least a little bit closer."

"Okay..."

"Not right now, though. They have to make the announcement first, right? You should get some sleep."

"Is-is that okay?"

"Yeah. I'll watch over you."

His head turns slightly to look at me. I smile and he returns it. Then it fades, "I killed Aaron."

"Oh." What? Well, that explains the blood, I guess? "What, umm, happened?" I don't believe it. This kid killed Aaron? Nuh uh.

"Gregorio found us and- and almost killed me. Aaron shot him, and we ran for it." He takes a deep breath, "Everything was okay until the mutts... We hid but I was so scared! I-I had a knife in my hands and-"

I wait patiently while he goes through a coughing fit. "So, it was an accident?"

"Y-yes. I didn't mean to..."

"I know, Ben. You're not a bad person. You were scared. Now get some sleep."

I have to resort to very serious measures when my legs fall asleep. Serious, because the pins and needles feeling is nothing to take lightly. And I can't move Ben around too much or I'll wake him up. He needs to rest. Poor kid. He's not going to make it if we don't get some medicine. Speaking of, I'm not sure what'll happen to my hand if I don't treat it with something. There are two ways this can go. We either get something from the feast -when they finally announce one- or one of us -me, favorably- out lives everyone and the Capitol medics treat it.

Either way all there is to do now is wait. This is the perfect time to announce a feast. They must know it. I'm desperate, and not even just for myself. But they've been guessing at what I'm planning, right? They don't know what I'm thinking. They only know as much as I tell them.

"Well..." I say as the light outside fades, "You know I'm a fighter. You know I have no problem running for days on end. And you know a little injury like this won't stop me. If you want a good show; give us some incentive." Give me a reason to show you that I'm still not willing to lay down and die. The bastards took Gale from me and while there's nothing I can do for him now; I can do something. For myself, and for the rest of Panem. Hope is a powerful thing. And I can try to give it to them.

Ben wakes up eventually, and I make him eat some more food. I can't tell if he's better or worse than when I found him, but he seems more comfortable at least. For most of the morning we sit around and talk about nothing in particular. I make sure he eats enough, and try to keep him warm. My wrist is fucked up and I don't even want to take the bandage off. I'm scared of what I'll see under it. A bloody, gross, really deep cut. When it starts itching; then I'll take the bandage off.

I'd just convinced Ben to have a nap when the announcement comes on. He's in my lap again, and I'm munching on some crumbs. Vanilla flavored crumbs. Damned mutts. I wanted wafers not crumbs! Ben stills and I pat his head, "It's the announcement we were waiting for. Maybe you won't have to have a nap after all." He smiles slightly.

"Tributes! There will be a feast tonight. You all have something that you need and we feel it's a good time for a little get together. When the moon is at its highest, right above the cornucopia, that is when you are expected. See you all soon."

"Ugh." I frown, "That sounded so... commercial."

"It's tonight."

"Sure is."

"I don't know how long it will take me to get there."

"Oh."

"Should we start moving?"

"Well... how are you feeling? Up for walking all day? We're not very close to the cornucopia, you know."

"I know. I feel fine."

"If you get tired, or hungry, we can stop. Sound good?"

He scrambles to his feet and smiles, "Let's go!"


	33. Baby Keep Smiling

Benjamin makes it a lot farther than I expected. Not as far as I would have liked, but far enough that we have a better timeline for when we can make it to the cornucopia. The timing doesn't matter, in my opinion. What matters is whether or not I think Ben can or should get any closer. He's weak. It would be easier if I ran for the medicine and ran back- running is what I do, afterall. I don't want to leave the little guy behind, though. It's like there isn't any wiggle room. I have to just go with it- I just have to keep moving. They've told us to walk; we're going to walk.

I wonder what his parents are thinking. I wonder if they're grateful that I'm trying to help him, suspicious that I'm being so nice, or really pissed off because they think I'm giving him false hope. I wonder if they've left their TV much since the games started. If it was my kid I probably wouldn't leave a screen unless someone I trusted with absolutely everything would watch in my stead. Then again, with Ben's parents being victors, and probably still in the training center's apartments, they likely have screens in every room.

If I make it out of this; I don't know if I'll ever want to have children. Not in this world. Not with this life. I don't want to bring a child into this world if they're only going to be thrown into the same thing I have. Just letting them watch the games would break my heart. We need someone to take control. We need someone to lead the rebellion. A symbol of hope. Of freedom. Of the people's defiance. If it could be me; I'd gladly sign up. I'm not that person, though. I am not the hero Panem deserves.  
I can't save anyone- I can't protect anyone. I'm useless. I couldn't even give people hope, could I? I ran, but I didn't get away. More than anything, I probably just made the citizens of Panem even less inclined to have any sort of hope.

I look out through the window of the building we'd stopped to rest in. I stare up at the dark clouds and hold Ben a little closer. Suddenly I don't feel so good. Not that I felt good before, but I feel even worse now. "I'm sorry," I whisper, "I tried. I'm weak, I'm scared, and I'm so, so tired." I had to believe the nation was watching it live, and I had to believe that they would remember. That what I say will fix some of what I've screwed up. That, in what could be my last hours, I won't be so incredibly useless.

"But I'm not giving up, and no one else should either!" I have to finish this fast before they cut the feed, "We are all connected in our dreams, our hopes, and our love. I love you, Panem. I believe in you."

Now that, that right there, was definitely taking it too far. The fire in my eyes was taking it even further. My one useable hand curling itself into a fist at my side, my other arm tightening around Ben. The laugh that frees itself from my lips is another thing entirely.

Not that I think this is funny. Quite the opposite. It was another of those 'so many emotions I don't know what to do with them' moments. No one else will see it like that. And I don't mind. Always hopeful to make it through the night, but doubtful enough to always say if; I might not be met with any repercussions from it. Then again... I'm still in their territory.

Ben stirs himself awake an hour later. If we have to stop like this again, I know he'll take even longer to recover. We won't make it to the cornucopia by midnight, and who knows what will happen? Someone might take our medicine, or it will be pulled back underground where we can't get it. If we're late; we might not get anything. My cut will get infected and Ben will-

I sigh, "Think you can make it another few blocks?"

"After something to eat. Can you check the water bottle? My throat is so dry!" I can tell that by his rough voice. He looks even worse.

"Yeah, I'll check it." Digging in the backpack I pass him what's left of our crumb stash before heading towards the stairs. We'd left the bottle outside hoping for some rain or snow. But it's only half full. I'm thirsty but I don't need it as much as Ben. Taking a slow drink, I swish the mouthful around once before swallowing. A little bit dribbles from my chin and I make no move to wipe it away. Back on the second floor, I pass the bottle to Ben.

"Is this all we got?"

"No, I already had my share. Sorry, I couldn't wait."

"Oh. Alright." He smiles, and I can tell he's happy to have half a bottle of water to himself. I turn away as he starts drinking and focus on packing things up. We have to get moving again right away.

"Ow!" I hold my wrist to my chest, my face twisted in pain. I bent it weird.

"What happened?" Ben appears beside me. He gasps, "Is that blood!"

"Sure is." I'm bleeding through the bandage again; the wound must have opened. "I have to take this freakin thing off. Just make sure you're ready to leave, alright? I'll take care of this."

"Do you have any more bandages?"

No point in lying. I shake my head. "I have to cut one of my sleeves off. And I don't want you to look at it, okay?" He crawls over to the backpack and passes me the painkillers, then the water bottle. I smile, "Thanks."

He sniffles, "Does it hurt really bad?"

I take the pills with a couple of small drinks of water then smile even brighter, "Not anymore! Now, like I said, be ready when I'm ready."

"Okay!" He smiles, too, and I give the water bottle back to him. There's still a little left.

I do exactly as I said I would, keeping my lip firmly clenched between my teeth. I cut the sleeve from my injured arm. Using the strips I secure the fabric over my wrist and hand. It will be enough for now. But I think the sight of the cut will scar me for life. It's about as bad as I expected, but it's so much worse to actually see the damage. I need medicine. And I need it soon.

As I help Ben outside, I smile. He doesn't need to know. He has his own problems to worry about, and I'm sure I would only scare him. Luckily the day hasn't been too dark or cold. The sun actually poked through at one point so although I'm still worried about Ben, at least it isn't raining. Or snowing. Or hailing. Or, well, much of anything. There's barely any wind, either. Ben can, for the most part, still walk steadily. We won't make it to the cornucopia. I know that. I just want to get him as close as possible.

"I swear, after we get this medicine; I am never moving again." I tell Benjamin as I help him hop along, "I don't care what happens; I am never moving."

"You'll have to," he says through gritted teeth, "we have to run from the others."

I groan, "No more running. Please! Have mercy!"

Ben laughs, "You've been running a lot, huh? Are you really fast? You must have been to get away from the reaping like that!" I'm amazed at how he's kept his childlike wonder. Astounded, really.

"I'm proud of you, Ben." Smiling, I stare forwards and down to help him along.

"How come?"

"Cause you're still a kid. In a good way. You've been thrown into this hell but you still smile and laugh and- Well, like I said. You're still a kid. I bet your parents are proud of you, too. You've been really brave. And strong. And, look, not everything goes our way in the games, or ever, but you've handled it really well. Better than I have, for sure. Better than anyone as far as I'm concerned."

"Really?"

"Really really." I chuckle, and for a moment I swing him up a little higher to make him laugh, too. "You know, I have this friend. A really great friend. He's all about having fun, and he must be so disappointed that I'm acting so lame. He might not want to be my friend anymore because of it."

"What?!" Ben asks, shocked, "But why not!"

"Because he'll want to be your friend. You're a lot more fun than I am. He's the greatest."

"Do you love him?"

I try not to hesitate. I try not to think too much about it. And I try not to let thoughts of Jack take the breath out of me, which they are most definitely threatening to do. "Yes. I love all my friends."

"But you loved Gale more?"

My smile fades then, and I slow our pace slightly, "I don't think I can talk about that yet. Sorry, I just can't."

"It's okay. Let's keep walking."

I nod, "Yeah."

If I think about Jack; I'll cry. If I think about Gale; I'll cry even more. Not moving ever again was a bit unreal of me to dream of, but that could happen if I don't keep control over my self, my emotions, and those certain thoughts. I'll really need push myself to remember what they both would want from me. I have to move. I have to survive. I have to win. And I have to make it home.

Maybe I'll get better after leaving the arena. Maybe I'll get back to normal- but even better because I'll have Jack. No, that might make it worse. To have Jack, but to never again have Gale? I don't know. What I do know, for sure, is that I am going to need some major therapy that involves a lot of hugging and talking things through.

I want to see Jack. I want him to hold me and call me his snowflake. I want to be out of these games and I want to be happy again. Safe, warm, and happy. I want to lay in the grass and watch the clouds, I want to light the fireplace and cuddle on the couch. I want to go home. I want to be normal again.

If I make it out, will I ever be normal again? I'll be a victor. I'll be moved into a completely new home, and I'll have a completely different life. I won't need to invite Brian and Janet to live with me, or anyone else, so I'll probably be alone a lot more than I'm used to. Especially with Gale gone... And if Jack does end up rejecting me then I won't be as inclined to meet up with him as often. It may not be fair to him, but this the mindset of all or nothing is really beginning to encompass me. I've fought long enough... if I get the chance, I'll be settling down with someone who makes being in love simple.

"M-Meg?" Ben coughs after a while, "I need to- to stop again."

I've been noticing the steady decline in speed, and his deteriorating health. His heavy breath, shaky coughs. I was only hoping to get a little bit farther. We're close enough that I can run for it on my own. I wouldn't feel right dragging Ben any further. He's only getting worse out here. "Alright, let's pick a building to camp out in."

He points, unsteadily, to the closest one. It's only 5 floors and I can see that it has a lot of different rooms inside. I pull him along, supporting him as much as I can, and survey the area and the grounds. No tracks, no specific signs of life. I'm pretty sure we're safe. Still, after searching the first and second floors, I leave Ben on the second to search the rest, just like usual.

After I settle Benjamin down on the fourth floor I ask him, "How are you feeling?"

"Bad. Sleepy. More bad."

I nod. We've done the same thing whenever he needed rest. I hold him to keep him warm, checking his temperature now and then and making sure he's at least getting some measure of breath in and out of his lungs. The feeling of being thirsty is not something either of us like getting used to. We need some light rain. Enough to fill the bottle, but not enough to make Ben any worse.

It's getting dark out though. I'm going to need to leave him and head to the cornucopia in a couple of hours. Maybe sooner, if I want to be able to pace myself. But I would rather pace myself on the way back so I don't slip up and let someone follow me. So I don't leave tracks that can be easily spotted.

Who will I see there? Have the careers parted ways? Did Toby and Bea stick together? Is Henry on the prowl somewhere? No, I think he would be waiting at the cornucopia for anyone heading to the feast. For a moment I can't help realizing just how lucky Ben is. We're in the last five. I know I'm lucky, too, but I know that I'm not weak. I never got to find out what Ben was good at, and now I never will. Even with medicine he'll be too weak. Just how do I expect to help him?


	34. Try

I have to go. It's getting late and by this point I'm going to need to run. I lay Ben down, with his head on the back pack, and head outside for the water bottle. Smiling, I take a long drink. It must have rained sometime while I was zoning out. It's full, so I can have half for real this time. I finish my share before even making it back upstairs.

"Meg?"

"Yeah, Ben?" I pass him the water bottle and he, too, smiles. I'd hoped he wouldn't wake up but I guess I must have jostled him more than I meant to.

"Are we going now?"

"No, just me." I grab the tarp and start to hang it up in a corner, "I want you to stay here and rest. I'll get your medicine. I promise."

"It's not safe to go."

"I know. That's why you're staying here."

"I'm going to die. I know I am. Don't go just because of me..."

Sighing, I kneel down next to him and make sure he's paying attention to what I say, "It's a chance, Ben. I won't stop fighting just because it's hard. And you can't, either. We still have hope. We still have each other. I'm not giving up on you. I am getting our medicine and I am doing what I can to keep us both alive for as long as possible."

"Then what? What if everyone kills each other and we're the only ones left?"

"We'll just have to wait and see." I ruffle his hair, something he whines about, and turn back to the tarp. "I'll try not to take too long. And I'll wake you as soon as I'm back, alright?"

"What if I'm already-"

"You'll be fine, Ben. I'll be fine. We'll settle down later just like we have been and we'll sleep in as late as you want. I'll grab some plant life to chomp on while I'm out and we'll fill our stomachs! And after all of that, we'll just have some fun."

"How?"

"Well, I was thinking of stealing some of those supplies from the careers. They don't need it all, and I bet they've split up so they need even less! We'll eat all the food in one of the big tents with an electric heater and-" I hug myself, "I already feel warmer. How about you?"

He smiles, slightly, "Yeah. But I'm still worried-"

"That they've used all the battery up? Yeah, I'm worried about that, too. I better get going so crawl into this weird tent thing I made and get some sleep! Oh, take whatever you think you'll need from the backpack. I'll need it to carry things but you can take everything out if you want."

He peeks inside the bag, "There's not really anything in here."

"Okay. Then in the tent!" I smile as he approaches it, lifting up the bottom and crawling into the corner. I take off my vest, stowing the hairclip in my pants pocket, and pass it to him, "I'll be back. Soon."

"Be safe."

"Always." After one last hair ruffle, I grab my sword and backpack and leave the room.

The moon, nearly in the middle of the sky above, isn't blocked out by clouds at all. I can't see any clouds over the arena at all and it makes me wonder if the gamemaker is controlling that, too. Maybe they just knew that there wouldn't be any clouds tonight, and that's why they decided to have the feast tonight. I'm going to be late for sure. Which might not be a bad thing.

The area around the cornucopia is empty when I can finally see it. I don't hear anyone, either. I can see the table, and I can see that there's already one thing missing. By the way it's all lined up, I think it was either Toby or Bea's. There was obviously one for each of them. Mine and Ben's are there, and that's what matters. Henry, though, still hasn't claimed his own.

I step out from behind the building and run for it. Anyone who sees me will be very much willing to kill me. I shrug off the backpack as I'm still running, opening it as soon as I get can. Without even looking them over, I stuff the two canisters inside the bag before closing the flap tightly and securing it on my back. Then I'm off again, with my heart pounding in my ears and my legs trying to go even faster. It's not possible, and the need to push myself drives me crazy because I know that I just can't try any harder.

I don't stop til I'm two blocks from Ben. Then I run for the nearest building, not bothering to put on any sort of act for whoever could be following me. If there's anyone following me. Likely, I'm just being paranoid. But I can't let my fear get the better of me. I need to make sure that I'm not being followed. So I wait as long as I can afford to before peeking my head out again. If anyone had been following me, they would have chased me down by now. Much more carefully, I leave the building, walking cautiously, not leaving tracks I can manage not to make.

Only one cannon went off tonight, and when I finally reach Ben, he's fast asleep. I feel terrible for waking him, but it's lessened by the fact that I have his medicine. Taking out the flashlight, I open his canister and read the little slip of paper inside. If he has some now, he can sleep until the sun comes up.

"Benjamin," I shake him lightly, "Ben, you need to wake up."

Slowly, his eyes flutter open. I smile, trying not to show any sort of worry. He's gotten even worse. He coughs, trying to say something, and I just put a hand on his shoulder. Then I open the little medicine bottle and measure out a dose using the cap. When I tip it up he drinks it. I don't know how this little bit of what looks and smells like simple cough syrup is supposed to help; but I know the gamemaker is at least fair in what they openly offer us. We had to work for this; it's going to work. Since I've been warned against giving him more than one dose at a time, it's all I can give him. I have to blindly trust in this little bottle of syrup.

He falls back against the vests he'd been using as a pillow, and I open my own canister. There are no instructions so, after I make sure Ben isn't watching, I take off the sleeve bandages. It's worse still. Taking a deep breath, I put two fingers inside the canister and pull them out, slathering the greasy ointment over the gruesome cut that starts in the center of my palm and ends just down my wrist, under my thumb. The cut almost shines in the moonlight when I'm done, and the fact that I have medicine on it takes away the fear of it becoming infected.

I let out a long breath before settling in the corner with Ben. He stirs and moves to sit in my lap again, his head tucked against my neck. I keep my arms wrapped around him, being careful not to rub any of the ointment off on him. His breathing calms and slows eventually, and he doesn't shake as much as he slips into a deep sleep only moments later. Hopefully the medicine will help him out. Hopefully he'll be better in the morning. Hopefully the same goes for my hand.

Are the cameras focused on me right now? Is everyone watching as Ben and I cling to the dream of a better tomorrow? Our parents, our friends. All of Panem? Is anyone still awake, staring at their screen to see what'll happen this night? With the feast, I'm sure there are a lot more viewers than usual at this time of night. They probably only showed bits of me running. If they could, if nothing else of interest was happening, then my giving Ben the medicine would have made it on screen. I hope it did, so his parents know he got it.

Slowly, I drift off to sleep as well. Dreams of Gale play through my mind. He's bringing me something he traded in at the bakery. As usual, I don't want to know what he traded for it. But I split the oversized, cheese stuffed croissant with him. He smiles, tells me why I should go out in the forest with him sometime, and nudges my cheek with his hand. It's a simple, friendly gesture, but it makes me happier than I've been in a long time. He takes a bite of the croissant, then steals mine. Before I can do anything, his image flickers then fades.

I wake to the sound of a cannon. It's still dark out. There's a lump in my throat, and my chest squeezes as I sit up and turn my head to where Benjamin had crawled away from me. I immediately scoot away. The medicine didn't work- maybe we got it into his system too late! His veins stand out against his sickening grey-green skin and he's too still. I'm barely sure it's really him. I'm barely certain that I'm even awake. I've seen too much death, and it should be real to me but maybe it never will be. Maybe I don't want it to be. Ben can still be alive in my mind. So can Gale and my parents.

But he isn't. Benjamin is dead. I couldn't save him. I couldn't save anyone... Not even myself.

I make a decision, minutes later. Today, these games will end. They've gone on long enough already. 24 children entered the arena. There are 3 left. I intend to be the sole survivor. There is no other way for me to get out of this; I have to survive while the others don't.

I pack up, slowly, while only occasionally glancing at Ben. I shed tears, but otherwise I'm silent and move mechanically. My vest is under his head and I simply don't feel right for moving him just to take it. After applying more ointment to my own wound, I crouch next to his still body. I can barely look at him, and I get so nauseous that I know I need to get outside soon, but I lay a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Ben." My voice cracks and I flinch, "I tried. I did, I tried. I'm so-sorry."

And after that I can't stay any longer. I make it outside and nearly vomit, but with nothing in my stomach it's impossible. I realize I lied to him. I broke a promise. He didn't die the way he wanted to because I never brought him anything to eat. He had an empty stomach, and he'd crawled away from me. While I'm thankful he did that, I feel terrible for letting it happen the way it did. If I had just kept running after the cornucopia, maybe it would have made a difference. Maybe the minutes mattered. Maybe they only mattered because I dragged him through the city.

I can't keep thinking about this. I can't keep thinking that it's always my fault or that I could have done something to save them. I tried.


	35. And The Victor Is

Still willing to fight, I get closer to the cornucopia. I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't want to be a murderer, but if I play my cards right I could stir up trouble enough that I won't have to get involved. Can I be one of the only victors to never kill a single tribute? I wouldn't be the only one, for sure, but it's rare. As in, only two in the last 35 years. And they were lucky. There is always a kill on the victors' record. Whether they did it with their bare hands or not wasn't the issue.

Eventually, I hear shouting and follow it to a building. I take the stairs two at a time all the way up to the top floor. I think it only had five, but by how exhausted I am, I'm not too sure about that. I take a few deep breaths and try to calm myself before approaching any of the doors. I'm already sweating. I'm scared. I don't know if I can really face them down. Toby, Henry, and me. The last three tributes.

More shouting, and I rush through the door where I'm sure I heard it coming from. Outside, it's starting to get light out. I can see a figure standing at the edge of what must have been a large balcony. There are no railings. I walk out the empty doorway. He's alone. Maybe he threw our last enemy over the edge?

He turns to look at me, "Meg?"

"Toby." His eyes are wide, and I'm not sure why he would really be surprised. Sure, I have a reputation of running away, but I want this to be over just as much as he does. I step forwards and he steps to the side so we circle each other slightly to stand parallel to the edge. "You've got your wish, then. I'm all yours."

"Well, I did want that, but-"

"But," I turn my body just enough to see Henry by the doorway, "it's not all about him, is it? I have you now, too."

I stare between the two.

How is it... that I can be the one to survive this long? That I can make it this far only to be cornered by my worst enemy and one of the only people I thought I could trust. I'd barely given myself a chance to imagine Henry being my murderer. He was always helping me, cheering me up, supporting me. He knew me, and he was so sure I had a chance. Though, now that I have a moment to think about it, did he ever really say he thought I had a chance? He wouldn't, would he? Because above all else it had to be either him or Ann who made it back. Now that she's gone... And now I'm the only one standing between him and Toby, the man who sincerely tried to hit on Ann even after it was clearly established that she and Henry were a couple. A very loving couple.

If I move at all, I'll be giving one or both of them reason to come after me. They can go after each other then come after me but neither believe I'm weak anymore. Neither trust that I'll just sit back and do nothing as they charge at each other. They have a code, I'm sure. A mens code. Kill the weakling first, then battle it out like gentlemen. So, what am I more afraid of? Is it the wire in Toby's hands, the large hunting knife at his side, or is it the double ended spear in Henry's grasp? Is it Toby's green eyes, with that murderous glint in them, or Henry's decidedly neutral gaze turned determined and angry? The surfer boy I trusted after he saved my life the first time, or the tall, dark, and mysterious man I only trusted because I never looked too deeply into his eyes or his thoughts?

It's Toby, I realize. I trust Toby.

I barely take a step in his direction and Henry charges at us. I try to reach Toby and when I do, he throws me behind him and grabs his knife. The spear stabs the space between us then goes back, twirls and slashes in an arc. We avoid it and I barely get my sword unsheathed in time to block another attack. Toby goes around him and Henry growls, twisting his body suddenly and stabbing at the blonde. I lung forwards and he twists again.

I knew he was good, but to actually be up against him is terrifying. Even just watching Toby frightens me. I can't take either of them on. I'm lucky Toby chose to take out Henry before me, but we're both afraid of the king. We needed to partner up to take him out. Surprisingly, we make a good team.

We both take our chances and I stab Henry in his side. He whips towards me and slaps me hard across the face sending me sprawling to the floor. I only then realize just how close to the edge we are. I nearly went over it, and there's nothing to break my fall. I turn back towards the fighting and see Toby is at a disadvantage without me there. It wakes me up faster than the smell of breakfast ever did and I barrel towards them. Henry notices just in time and ducks under me, flipping my body over his so I land on my front beside Toby. He helps me up quickly, and I barely get a moments rest before once again narrowly avoiding being stabbed by an end of Henry's spear.

Toby uses his wire, wrapping it around the shaft of the spear, and twists, securing it under his own arm. Henry can't move it, and Toby nods at me. I panic. Toby yells and I flinch before my arm shoots forwards. Henry, valuing his own life over who holds the spear, quickly pushes it up as much as he can and ducks under it and my blade to punch my in the gut. Toby releases the spear and before Henry's hands close over my throat he's tackled to the ground, onto his front.

I breathe heavily as Toby's wire starts choking the life out of Henry. I couldn't watch the last time Toby did this in front of me, I'd had to look away. This time; I can't. Henry claws at Toby's hands, tries to get out from under him, and his struggles don't waver until his body starts jerking without a purpose. That's when I look away. That's when I just wait for the silence to come.

"Speaking of cruelty," Toby starts with a hoarse voice, "what did you do to little Benjamin? I heard his cannon earlier."

"I tried to save him."

"Save his soul from eternal damnation, you mean. You killed him, didn't you?"

"No." I stare off towards where the sun will be coming up soon. Will I get to see one last sunrise here? Or will Toby wrap that wire at my throat while I'm not even looking. I grip the sword tighter in my hand and turn around, "Are you ready?"

He laughs, "Can't we take a minute to celebrate? Don't give me that look, Megan."

"Why not? Is it killing you?" I glare harder at him, hoping that it's possible.

"Just relax for a minute, get some of your energy back. Then we'll kill each other."

"I'd rather do it now. I'm done with these games. I want this to be over."

"You're such a kid. You barely experienced these games. You had it all cushiony. You had Gale, you had all of us trying to protect you. Then you even had the luxury of trying to save your own soul by keeping Benjamin alive. You haven't killed a single person. You haven't earned anything."

"I... I know. If murder is what it takes..." I shake my head, a tear slipping from my eye. I blink through the tears and stare at him, "I've seen enough death. All of Panem has. But I'm ready for whatever comes next."

He sighs, "I always hoped I would get this chance. I hoped it would be me and you." The wire falls to the ground, and he raises an eyebrow at me. My sword drops. "Think you can take me in a fair fight?"

"I doubt it. But I have to try, don't I?"

"Well, no. Though I would prefer it if you did."

We just watch each other for a few minutes. I don't want to make the first move, and I think he's either deciding how to best kill me, or just giving me some time before he does. We've both lost someone we cared about, and we both have families to get back to. However ready we are to do whatever it takes to survive this; I do not believe that humans are just evil. Every little thing we've done here will haunt us. Every kill he's made will come back to him in some way. He'll be on his own on a night years from now and it'll hit him harder than it ever has. If he can make it out of the arena.

"I'm sorry about Bea."

He shrugs, "Sorry about Gale."

I fidget with the hairclip in my pocket before taking it out and clipping it on the neckline of my shirt, just above my heart. "Have your after arena plans changed any?" I ask him, a bit more casually than I should.

"No. I'll need to relax somehow after all of this. Did you ever tell me your plans? I don't remember."

"I probably mentioned something. I've changed my mind, though. I'm just going to sleep for a few days and eat whatever I can find. I won't leave the house for days."

"That... actually sounds nice. I might have to steal your idea."

"Go right ahead..." I trail off. I wanted this to end, right? So why am I wasting time like this. Oh, right. Because I'm scared. I'm shaking as I watch my long breaths billow out in front of me. It's cold, and my arms aren't protected from it anymore. "We should probably..."

"Yeah. Are you ready?"

I fan my arms out to the sides with a lop-sided smile, "Duh."

He grins and shrugs again, "Good for you. We might as well enjoy this."

My fingers itch to grab my sword but we've agreed to do this without weapons. He says it's fair this way, but he has the advantage. If I find myself losing I always have one option. I'm not too thrilled about risking the fall, but if I can push Toby over the edge it'll be my win.

He bends his knees slightly and I do, too. I'm confident. I have to be. My movements have to be practiced and brave. I have to know what I'm doing, and I have to be ready for him and ready for his unpredictability. He's favored going for the throat but I'm sure he plans to be crueller. I'm still not sure why he targeted me in the first place but he did and I have no choice but to face him now.

Is Panem watching? If they aren't, they'll see a recording of this later. No matter what the outcome is. It will be how one of us finally won. How these games ended. If I were a betting person, and if I could take the chance of doubting myself right now, I would bet on him. But I can win. I can make it home. Jack is waiting, Brian and Janet are probably on the edge of their seats right now, and everyone who has cheered for me and bet on me is holding their breath. I should probably make a move so they can breathe again.

Slowly, I nod at Toby.

He laughs like it's Christmas morning and charges, a fist aimed at my face. I duck under and roll past his shoulder so I'm behind him. He turns, still grinning, and does it again. This time he doesn't let me go around him and grabs my shoulders, pushing me down to the ground beside Henry's body. I swallow hard and push myself up to face Toby again.

This time I charge and try to hit his throat, but he grabs my wrists and hits them together. I hiss from the pain in my left hand and jerk my arms downwards and out of his grasp. My foot comes up and he grabs it, pushing me again so I fall onto my back. He didn't let go though and drags me along the balcony, away from Henry.

I always thought Bea was the scariest psychopath I'd ever meet. She was quiet about it, and that silence was terrifying. But it must be some gene that runs in the family. Toby, with his grin, is much more frightening than anything I've seen from Bea. I'm sure I could go over her best moments in the games and it still wouldn't compare to this. Toby is happy. He's finally getting what he wants. He's going to kill me, and he's going to be a victor.

There is no way in hell.

I bend the leg he's holding onto and extend the other to kick him in the gut. He groans and lets go, and I shuffle away before standing again. I catch my breath in the few moments I get while he's clutching his mid.

"Fuck," he says, grimacing, "Powerful legs, huh? Running really is good for something."

I let out a breathy laugh, "Yeah. It's been working for me. I might keep it up. Start jogging every morning."

He stares at me like I'm insane, "Why the fuck would you do that?"

"It's called staying fit. Besides, what else will I do every morning?"

"It's called sleeping in."

"You're so lazy."

"You're unnatural."

I bristle, "Hey! I am totally natural! What the hell do you think I am, huh? Half-rabbit?!"

"Chill, Meg. You're not a rabbit. You're an ostrich."

I take one step forwards and he takes more, reaching me in seconds. I don't know what to do so I throw my arms up in defence, glad that my instinct was right and he didn't instead aim for something I've left unguarded. After the first hit he grabs my wrists again and pushes me to the ground under him.

My head is just hanging over the edge of the building but it doesn't add to my panic. What I'm afraid of is his fists. Both my wrists are held by his left hand and his right hits me once, twice. Each time my head jerks back I feel like my neck could snap. I think now is probably the best time to change tactics. While I'm still conscious, and while he's overconfident. Well, when is he not?

Jerking on my hands, I pull away just enough to bring my shoulders over the edge. He leans forwards and scoots back over me, and I can tell he thinks I'm just being stupid. But with his body off mine just enough, I bring one of my knees up and hit him somewhere I know will hurt. He yells and before he can recover in the slightest I pull my lower body up and, with the unbalanced position he's in, send him over the edge.

The unfortunate thing is that I shifted far enough over the edge when I pushed him, and he still had my wrists held, that I fall with him. For a second I watch his angry, confused face. I listen as he screams. Then I really do panic. I shoot my arms out, trying to find something to hold onto as the building rushes past me. I missed the first window, but the second I just barely hit it and scream as pain shoots up my arms. I slow only fractionally and within another second my arms hit the sill of the next window I reach.

For a moment, I think I've caught it. I think I've stopped. But it was only a moment and it wasn't enough. The ground gets close and I can't fight anymore. I'm done. It's over. I don't know what to expect except my body hitting the ground, and the blackness that overwhelms me. In that last moment, all I think about is that I've failed.


	36. A Victor, An Interview, And A Baby

Caesar holds a somber expression as he turns away from the screens. They'd just showed clips from the games with more angles and better editing. It all looked professionally put together, which it was, but also fake, which it wasn't. The tributes, the children who were chosen, had all died like that. They'd been through those trials, that pain, and the heartbreak. It all happened.

"Now," Caesar starts, addressing the crowd, "that is a lot for anyone to go through. That these were young persons is much more remarkable. They were all so brave, so strong, and we are proud of them for their sacrifice. We thank them for all they've done for the sake of Panem. One more year, one more Hunger Games has passed, and it was another reminder of all the years of hardship we have all been through.

"Since the first rebellion, since the very first whispers of someone challenging the people who kept their homes safe, we have been afraid of what will happen next. We all, collectively, watch as these tributes experience that. Experience how it used to feel with enemies on all sides, with fear in your mind every second. They experience the hunger, the thirst, the unpredictable landscapes. They each realize, in their own time, exactly what we went through before the Treaty of Treason was formed.

"We solute you, fallen tributes of this years Hunger Games." He finishes on a strong note and there's applause. Smoothing out his light blue jacket, he waits for the commotion to die down.

It starts up again and he lets out a small sigh before smiling and standing up. He catches the extended hand and brings it to his lips. I smile, "I was too excited to wait any longer. Sorry for interupting."

He smiles back, brightly, "You're welcome on this stage any time, Megan. I was just about to introduce you, though."

Turning to the audience I give them a small wave and a slight curtsy. Again, they cheer. I gesture towards the chairs and Caesar sits before I do. I can tell I'm pissing him off. He doesn't like anyone running his show. His job is to keep in control, to lead the interviews. Good luck, buddy.

Settling my hands over my lap, I admire the silver fabric again. I'm happy to be made up again. This time I was promised to have whatever I wanted delivered to my new home. That meant whatever I liked from Gradin's make up bag would be on my vanity by the time I got back to my district. I'm much more excited for the make up than this interview.

"You took a nasty fall at the end there. We're glad to see you're recovering well."

They'd had to wait a full week before I could be brought out for an interview. For the first day I didn't even wake up. When I finally did, I was praised for having so much fight left in me. The medics told me that if I'd really given up I wouldn't have woken up so soon. I wondered which part of me still cared so much to wake me up. After that I was in and out of consciousness as they used all sorts of methods to try to revert me back to the state I was in before I entered the arena. I'm still not in perfect health but I'm a lot closer than I was. There's still a scar running from the part of my wrist under my left thumb to just above the center of my palm. I've been told it will heal slowly over time but will never go away.

Instead of letting me respond he asks, "Was that the most frightening moment for you? Falling to what you could only assume was your death?"

"Honestly? I feel like it should have been." My smiles falters and I look away from the triumph on Caesar's face, "I don't think anything could compare to how it felt to see that knife in Gale. You may be able to pinpoint the exact moment my whole world crashed down around me." I look back at him stubbornly with my chin up and see his pointed look telling me that, yes, he can, and he has.

He pats my hand, "I understand." No you don't, bastard. "I've told everyone that that is why you requested to be brought in after that one particular clip show. Are you ready for something more cheery?"

No. "I'm here, aren't I?"

He chuckles, "And we're glad you are." He passes me a box of tissues and I take it gratefully, though his smirk pisses me off. Then we turn and watch one of the many screens set up around us.

The first few minutes I handle easily enough. Pictures of some tributes, clips of them smiling and waving at the parade. Some of the less dramatic moments during the games come up and I'm still okay. Aaron and Ben play some hand clapping game, a tribute I'd already forgotten about skips along the road, then Bea is running into Toby's arms and hugging him. My breathing comes a little faster for a moment at the sight of Toby, but I calm myself remembering that he wasn't really my friend, that he was excited to kill me, and that he's gone now. He fell with me, but he wasn't as lucky as I was.

Then I'm staring at myself as I'm laying next to Gale. We're just watching each other, enjoying the company. I remember this moment. We weren't faking. We were just having a moment to ourselves. I never thought I'd see this moment. Or the next, of a time when we were moving camp when we were all just... happy. It started with me asking another stupid question and Toby being the first to comment. Rather then more arguing, Bea's laughing ignited even more laughter from us all. Even Henry chuckled a little.

And that was about as light as the clip show got. Within the next minute I'm crying. More of mine and Gale's happiest moments. Some of the nicer moments I shared with the others. More Gale. Benjamin. If I weren't shaking and trying to choke my sobs down, I would be embarrassed about all of Panem watching the passionate make out session I had with Gale. This isn't the first time they've seen it, but it's mine. I watch as I pull him back to me, I watch as he presses himself against my body, and I notice every little thing that happens between us. It seemed a lot different in the moment. I don't even mean because of the music they added to the clip. And it doesn't end there. They have gathered a lot of footage.

The tears stop falling before the video ends, and I calm myself as the lights slowly come on. I was assured that my make up wouldn't run but by the way Caesar searches my face I'm sure that isn't true. I grab the water someone had set out for me and take a long drink as the crowd finishes their cheering. I'm sure I could completely fall apart up here and they would still cheer.

Caesar grabs my hand after I put the glass down. He pats it and smiles, "How do you feel? After seeing all of that?"

What does he mean by that? Am I supposed to read more into it? I feel awful, truthfully. I feel like those moments, those memories, should be mine and mine alone. What right do these people have to watch them and fawn over them. I take a deep breath and answer, "I was happy to have those moments with Gale. Now I just..." I shake my head, "I'm mourning the loss while celebrating his memory."

The majority of the audience nods in response. Caesar just pats my hand again, "You two were one of the greatest love stories we've ever witnessed. Tragic the way it ended." What Caesar said pisses me off and I can tell by the way he lets go and leans back that he knows it. He was trying to tear me down but I'm not giving in while he's downplaying the love I have for Gale. Romantic or not, I love him.

"Gale's dead. He's not gone. Not from my mind, my heart, or my soul. I still love him and I always will." More cheers, but all I notice is Caesar's face going pale. I make him nervous.

He asks me a few more questions then rushes me off the stage. I manage not to cry again. It wasn't very difficult; we mostly went over my stats. The bets that were on me, the training score, and all my support. I had sponsors, but nothing was sent to me. I'd asked Faith about it and she told me that though she did her job as a mentor and managed to get me a lot of sponsors; she was not permitted to send me anything. She would have, more than once, but she would have been jailed if she tried. The sponsors money went to the gamemaker.

So far the mentors for my district, Polly, and Caelus had been the only people to visit me. I'll be spending one last night in the apartments then on the train heading home. I don't know when I'll get to see Jack, and I'm not sure I even want to so soon. What would I say to him? Could I say anything? I might just collapse in his arms and cry. I don't want to cry any more.

I make it up to the apartments without saying a single word. I hadn't eaten before hand because Caelus didn't want me throwing up like I nearly had at the last interview, so he sits me down at the dining table. I didn't miss Polly's face. I think she notices my deep frown as she sits down across from me, but she says nothing and simply stares out the windows to her right. To my right, Caelus holds a fork up to my mouth.

"I can feed myself." I say, snatching the fork from him. I chew on the potato piece as he shrugs. For a few minutes we all eat in silence. I shove some things into my mouth and slowly nibble on others.

"Are you ready to go home?" Faith asks cheerily when she sits down to my left. Across from her, James smiles slightly.

"Yeah. It's weird to think that everything could just go back to normal."

Faith touches my arm and her smile saddens, "It never really does. You'll be okay, Meg. And," she glances at James, "you're going to have new neighbors!"

I smile, "We can throw parties together!"

"There's one I'm already planning," she laughs, "and I'll definitely want your help with it!"

"What kind of party?"

She glances at James again and reaches over the table to find his hand. She grins, looking around the table, "A baby shower!"

"What! That's so great!"

Caelus leans over me and asks, "I hope you were pregnant before the games because if not that's a little insensitive of you-"

I elbow him, "That's his way of asking how far along you are."

"Five weeks. We're hoping for a boy but want to be surprised-"

"Oh!" Polly finally speaks up, "That's so wonderful! Have you thought about names yet?"

"We thought it might be a bit too early for that. You're the first ones we've told, and we might just name the baby when we see him or her for the first time. That's how my parents did it, and it's worked for me."

We all laugh, and I'm so relieved that the mood has lightened. James and Faith look so happy. Caelus is making jokes, Polly is trying not to slap him, and I'm just smiling along with everyone. I'm happy for them, I really am, but it seems like an odd time to announce a pregnancy. Maybe they just knew it would cheer us all up? I guess I'm thankful. They've given me hope for my own future. No matter what happens when I leave the Capitol, if I can be half as happy as they are everything will be okay.


	37. I Like Trains

I'm half asleep when I board the train. I had gotten plenty of sleep but I'm just tired. Finally, I'm going home. Finally, the games are over and the Capitol will soon be behind me. Sure, I'll have to go on the victors tour, and to the games every year as a mentor, but the rest of the year is mine. No more running from danger, no more fearing for my life, and no more wondering what's going to happen in the future. All I need to know is what sort of relationship I'll have with Jack. After that, I plan to just have a very simple life.

Though I'm still not sure that's right. How many times have I thought that I should do something? That there are problems that need to be solved, and an entire nation to be fixed. Does Panem need me? Does Panem want me? Can I help them? How do I try.

Lounging in a brightly colored dome at the back of the train, with a glass of dark liquid, I stare out some of the many windows. This time they don't mind if I see the scenery passing by. There's a lot of interesting landscape but I barely notice it. I know Jack is on this train somewhere, and I know that he wants to see me. A small part of me wants to see him, too. A larger part wants to wait. I don't know what to say, and I don't know what he'll say. I don't know what he thinks about everything he saw and I'm nervous that he's going to confront me. That he only saw my moments with Gale, and the times when I was pissed off, or that all he remembers is me throwing Toby over the edge of the building.

I sigh and grab a lemon tart to nibble on. Really, it's for the best that I see him and talk to him. It feels too soon but also like it's been far too long since I've seen him. I'm warring with myself and my feelings. But he's my best friend no matter what happened, right? He won't leave me just because of all the things we've been through since my name was called... right? He said he would be waiting for me when I left the arena, and I'm still holding on to that promise. Is he as nervous as I am?

The doors open and I sit up straight as Jack walks in. He stares at me for a minute then smiles, "Snowflake."

A laugh bubbles from me and I put my glass down to my right. Standing, I step into his embrace and for a moment just let everything else melt away. Who was I kidding? Of course I wanted to see him again. Of course I wanted to be in his arms, and of course I wanted him to call me snowflake. He leads me to sit again, doesn't let go of my hands, and just smiles at me. He looks older, and he needs a haircut, but he looks better than he did the last time I saw him.

"I missed you," I tell him, my voice barely above a whisper, "so, so much."

"Meg. I want you to know." He takes a deep breath, "I love you, Megan. I have for a long time. The only person I've ever told is my sister and she swore to keep it a secret. I thought... I thought you wouldn't feel the same, or that you were waiting for someone better. But I love you- Why are you crying?"

I sniffle, "I'm not crying, I'm tearing up. And it's cause I'm happy!" One of my hands leaves his and I wipe at my eyes. I wish the only emotion I felt was happiness. But there's so much more and my mind is going crazy. I've been waiting so long to hear that. I went into the games only thinking about getting out so he could say those words. But so much has happened. "I'm sorry!"

"For what?" He chuckles, and grabs my hand again. "You love me, I love you! What is there to be sorry about?"

"We can't just suddenly be together, Jack. All of Panem saw me in love with Gale- and-" I turn away and crouch over, putting my head in my hands. After I take a few deep breaths, his fingers find my chin and drag my face up to look at him again.

"I love you. I've waited this long, and I can wait a bit longer. If you want to talk about everything now we can, but I didn't want to rush you." He searches my face with a concerned look on his. I shake my head slightly and his hand moves to cup my cheek, "Still best friends?"

I laugh softly, "Always and forever. You're not getting away from me!"

He smiles again and leans in, "I'm not going anywhere."

For a while, we lounge back against the seats. We talk about pretty much nothing. What we missed most from home, what we plan to do as soon as we get there. We touch lightly on the subject of us, and I manage to have a little giggle fit when we remember that he promised to dress up and escort me to one of my parties. We can still go together, as friends. Other than that I might not see him for a few days while I get settled in my new house and he spends time with his family. I'll have a housewarming eventually, and family and close friends will always be welcome to visit. Maybe I'll even get a dog! All thoughts of the games have been pushed out of my mind, and it seems to be the same for him. I drink more than I mean to and at some point Jack takes the glass from my hand.

My mind is still a little fuzzy when we finally sit down for dinner with Caelus, James, and Faith. As usual, Caelus sits beside me while the happy couple sit across. After Jack learns that they're expecting, and Caelus is planning to be engaged within the next two months, he does what he usually does and makes everyone laugh and smile. He keeps the conversation up, dragging James into it as often as he can. Center of attention, like always, and making everyone a part of the fun. I really have missed him.

When he's finished eating, I take his hand and drag him away. He doesn't ask why, and neither does anyone else, and I wonder what they're thinking. Are they focusing on the fact that I have the man I've been in love with for so long? Or are they remembering Gale? Do they think I'm broken? Or that I'm rebounding? What is going through their minds as I drag Jack away? What's going through his mind? He's smiling like he's curious so that's probably a good thing, right?

"Meg, where are we going?" He chuckles, pulling on my hand slightly to slow me down.

"I, umm. I don't know?" I stop, and lean against the wall, "I just wanted to get you alone."

"Really?" His smile brightens, "If you had told me sooner I wouldn't have had that second dessert!"

I blush, "You looked like you were enjoying yourself."

"I was, but I'm happy to get time with you. What do you wanna do? I think I saw playing cards. Or we could watch some TV-"

"No." I make a face, "No more TV."

"Okay, okay. Well, we could make out then go to sleep?"

I don't know if he's joking. Pretending to consider it, I pull him closer. But, is it wrong to be so close to him so soon after everything I went through with Gale? Should I try to let myself be happy? I'll be mourning Gale all my life, but can I really do this to him? We had somehow gotten even closer in our last days together and I had begun to consider how things could have been if I'd loved Gale the way everyone thought I did. I considered how easy it would be. How happy I could be. And how right it might feel. When I lost him, that only made things so much worse. I don't think I just loved him at that point. I'm pretty sure I was in love with him.

"Meg? You zoned out?"

"Yeah, I do that." I don't look him in the eyes, and my fingers play with the fabric of his shirt. I don't know what to say. Obviously, I shouldn't have stopped in the middle of a hallway. I should have kept going and gone with the plan that Jack had thought up. We could be kissing right now but I'm fighting back the emotions I've let build up. "I just want to get some sleep. I'm sorry, Jack."

He nods and takes my hand again, "Do you need to be alone?"

"No!" I say, quickly. A bit calmer I tell him, "I still want to be alone with you. Just stay with me?"

"Alright. To clarify, we're just going to sleep?" He smirks, and I hit his chest lightly. He chuckles, "I was just making sure, snowflake."

I'll always love Jack. But like he says; we've waited this long, and we can wait a little longer. Until things calm down. Until I calm down. And until I decide if I can really seek out a way to destroy that damned Treaty of Treason. I don't want chaos, I don't want anarchy, all I want is peace. I want everyone to understand what we've been putting children through all these years. I want them to understand that it's sick. I want new leaders, new ways to govern. I want change. Panem needs change.

The greatest change needs to be that we can finally feel safe. That we don't have to step cautiously or live in fear even in our own homes. That we can have children without being nearly scared to death that their names will be called at a public reaping, or that they'll be whipped, or their tongues cut out. If rebellion is what it takes for future generations to have comfortable, safe, decent lives; then I'll have to aid that rebellion. Even if I have to leave everyone behind... No, not again. I'll think of something. I know I will. I just don't want anyone else I care about to get hurt.

And late at night, while I'm watching Jack's peaceful face as he rests, I know I can't let him get hurt. It's all my fault that he's been hurt at all and I feel so terrible already. If I got him involved, and if I let him get hurt any more, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. If I have to push him away to be sure of his safety, then that's what I'll do. I want to change Panem for everyone. Him included. For his family, and the family I want him to have in the future. If it can't be with me, I'll at least make sure they can be safe.

The thought of Jack having a family makes me smile. I know, just because I know him, that he wants children. Of course he does. He would spoil those kids rotten and make time for them every day. They would be the happiest children in the world. If he ever thinks about it, I'm sure he already loves the children he could have one day. I don't want them to have to fear the Capitol.

I inch closer to Jack's sleeping form, whisper, "I love you," and wonder what I can do to protect him.


	38. A Hopeful Future

Barely two steps off the train, and I'm being swarmed by fans. The peacekeepers, including Caelus, try to keep them away. I smile, wave, and call out to people I recognise. It feels so good to be home. When Brian and Janet crush me in a hug, I barely manage to get my arms free enough to hug them back. Janet's in tears, and Brian is trying not to show that he is too. They drag me around, showing off all the people who believed in me -both when I ran, and after I was caught. We lose track of everyone we leave behind, and eventually even time is lost on us. All I know is that when I left the train it was sunny, and by the time I make it to the Theatre, it's nearly dark.

Cameras point at me and the mayor as he welcomes me home. We shake hands, have our picture taken a hundred times in a matter of seconds, and he asks me if I have anything to say. I tell him I have plenty, and he seems happy to hear it. I walk around the old man and approach the microphone. Everyone goes quiet as my heart starts racing, and I look for a familiar face to ground myself. I can't find a single one. Or, I at least can't find the one I'm looking for.

"Hi," I start, and nearly forget what I wanted to say. A few people respond, loudly, and I laugh into the microphone. "As you all know, the last time I was here I didn't stay long." The crowd laughs. "Thank you all for your support. Thank you for welcoming me back like this. Home is where the heart is." Cheers. "I know many of you also supported Gale. I did, too. I'm sure he affected you all in some way, and it's never easy losing someone you cared about. We'll never forget him. That said, we never really forget any of the young tributes that are sent out.

"I miss him. I wish I could get him back, and not just for myself. For his family, his friends. For everyone because we all needed him." I wipe away a tear, "We won't forget him. And we won't forget his family. As a community, we will never forget those we've lost. And we will not let anyone suffer alone. We're in this together. I love you all, and I hope you're with me as I press forward with even greater motivation to help others. We are not alone. And it's time we stop believing that we are."

There are mixed reactions, including the mayor rushing up to get me off the stage. I think most of the crowd agreed with me, silently, and that's enough. I think I'm getting better at making speeches though. I'm glad to be off the stage, finally, and walking through the throngs of people in the nearby streets. There are stands set up, some shops are open, and there's music playing through the speakers.

I used to be almost invisible to most people. I used to walk through celebrations like this with no problem. Now, every 2 steps I'm being stopped for a quick congratulation, condolences, or even just a compliment. I can't tell if the latter is sincere, but it ups my ego all the same. I'd changed into this green dress, loving the pockets on it and the functionality, while I was still on the train. The shoes, low ankle and flat, are also more for functionality. It's a cute combo that I chose expecting the long day. Of course, the hair clip is in it's usual place on the left side of my head. Mostly, I just nod at what people say. They leave after they've said what they wanted to, and I see no reason to ask them to linger just for me to make awkward small talk.

Rory Hawthorne, one of Gale's younger siblings, runs up and hugs me. He's now the oldest child in the Hawthorne family, and I'm already scared he'll think he has to take on all the responsibilities Gale had. No one can handle everything Gale did, not even a younger version of him. For a few moments I just hug him back.

"Rory?" I ask, "Are you alright?" What a stupid question. Of course he's not.

He let's go, shakes his head slightly, and looks up at me with determined eyes, "Thank you. My mom says we've already gotten people coming to us to offer help. With Gale gone, we don't have anyone to work and-" He thinks for a moment, his teeth pulling at his lip, "She says you don't need to go out of your way for us. We're going to be okay."

"Oh. Well, I wouldn't be going out of my way. I still consider you all my family, Rory. Nothing will change that. Is that okay? Can you still treat me like an older sister?"

"You would have been my sister," he sighs, "if you'd married Gale."

"Would... I mean, did you want that? Before, I mean?"

Rory shrugs, "I thought you liked Jack more than Gale but... I wanted you and my brother to be together. You made him really happy." Before I can respond, he trails off after some of his friends that ran by. I'm almost relieved; I had no idea what to say.

I'm staying at Brian and Janet's one last night before I'm relocated to my own house. They asked me to stay with them longer, just in case, but I've decided that it would be better for me to just have some time alone. By the time I make it to their house, the house I've lived in for the last nine years of my life, they've already gone to bed. Their days of late night partying are over. For a moment, I just lean against the kitchen counters. I'd been offered so much free food earlier that I'm almost upset to be full. I know that, as there usually was, there would be leftovers in random places throughout the kitchen. Cake, pasta, and new recipes that Brian experimented with. It's tempting, but if I ate any more my stomach would ache. It's a noticeable difference from what it was like on the run and in the games. Hell, even in the Capitol I didn't eat enough to completely fill my stomach. Nerves never let me.

At a noise, I turn and look out the window to the back yard. I'd left the lights in the house off, to make sure no one thought we were up for more visiting, so I can see through the backyards easily. I can see Jack, just having slammed his back door, as he approaches the fence. I wait a minute and he doesn't cross it. What really surprises me is that he's wearing dark pants and a dress shirt. The unsurprising part is that he has no shoes on.

Smiling, I make my own way to the back yard. Both of us stand with the fence between us and stare up at the moon. I don't mind having the quiet moment. It's better than feeling pressured to say something. Still, as the minutes pass, I get impatient. I have no idea why, it's not like I'm expecting anything.

"You know," I start, still smiling at the moon, "the last time I was in this back yard, I was expecting I'd never come back. And when I jumped over this fence-"

"You stole our cream puffs."

"I saved them. From you. How could you, Jack? How could you throw them away?" Out of the corner of my eye, I see him look down and laugh quietly. We turn to look at each other and my breath nearly catches in my throat at the sight of him lit up by the moonlight.

"Sorry I couldn't make the party, Meg. I'm grounded."

"Good. You deserve to be. But you still dressed up?"

"I promised, didn't I?" He steps closer and leans his elbows against the low fence, "You look good. Then again, I suddenly admire every piece of clothing that isn't a shade of red or yellow. You're in the clear."

"Sunny must have been so upset when you had to leave."

"She made me an orange cake. It was orange flavored, orange-colored, and had mini oranges for decoration."

"No way, she did not!" I laugh, thinking that, yes, she probably did. "Well, it's too bad that you couldn't come out tonight. There was so much food, so much cake, and barely any of it was orange! Oh, you would have loved it."

"The food would have been second to walking through town with the victor."

"Is that all I'm good for, Jack? Someone successful to mooch off of?"

He looks away, smiling at himself for a moment, "I bet you walked straight from the train to the Theatre, then straight home. And I bet it took you so long because everyone stopped you to touch your arm and tell you how pretty you look and how sorry they are- I told you, didn't I? That you would thrive in the attention? You're growing to be a very mature woman, Meg. I'm a bit worried."

"Oh yeah?" I step forwards, and he straightens up. Our hands just touch on the fence as we smile at each other, "How come?"

"If you mature too much, you'll realize I'm too immature for you. I won't be your type any more."

"You sound hopeful."

"I hope you're joking. If I'm waiting for you, you're waiting for me. We've been through enough that we owe each other that."

I try to keep smiling but in all honesty it's because of what we've been through that I'm scared to even consider having a life with him. Whether I actually end up doing anything reckless or not, I'm having those thoughts. I'm considering rebellion and that alone is dangerous to not only me but to everyone around me.

"Meg, you don't have to think about it now. Like I said, I'm waiting. I just thought you would want to, too."

"I do. I want to wait, I just don't know how long it'll take until I can, you know, be able to try for a normal life. I don't want to stop you from starting a family if I'm still messed up years from now-"

"You are not messed up. And I can't start a family without you. I don't want to-"

"Jack," I sigh, "I want you to keep an open mind. If something happens, for either of us, I just-"

"No."

I step away from the fence, "I just-"

"No." He stares at the fence for a moment then jumps over it, landing directly in front of me. Before I can move away, he slips his arms around my waist and holds me against him, "Not without you, Meg. There is no one else." I can tell he's struggling to keep his temper in check, and I understand that it's my fault he's angry. After all of this for me to suddenly ask him to consider having a life without me is just an awful thing to do.

"I'm sorry," is all I can say, and it's barely above a whisper.

"Just tell me you're not giving up."

"Of course I'm not. I'm just-"

"Meg. Snowflake. You're not getting rid of me. I don't care how long it takes. I don't care what you do. We finally have a chance and I'm not letting you go."

The back door of his house opens and we look to see his little sister come out, "Jack? You shouldn't be over there, you know. You're grounded."

He sighs, "I'll be in in a minute."

"Jack," she whines, "I can't sleep unless you tuck me in again!"

"Go," I tell him. He looks between us then his arms fall away from me. I smile, "When you're done being grounded, make sure you visit me."

"I don't think I'll ever be free," Jack mumbles. Leaning in close, he kisses my cheek, "Goodnight, snowflake."

* * *

/AN/  
Yeah, so, this is the end. Because it could go on forever but... I had an idea for a sequel cause while this fic was created from a dream I had, another THG dream would have me write a sequel. And, hell, it'd probably be more interesting- Nevermind. I don't know if that'll ever happen. Just ask fans of my other fic WMAB cause they've been waiting a looong time for a sequel to that and (shh, don't tell) even though I have nearly 30k words written for it I've restarted a bunch of times and the official chapters are only at three. I like to get things written ahead of time so I don't get too pressured... And so I can change my mind a lot before anything is locked in. But, back to the point, I hope you enjoyed this fic. It involved a lot of experimenting on my part cause the time frame had to be very locked and there was a lot going on behind the scenes that I had to keep in mind like what the gamemaker would do, what each and every tribute was doing, and blablabla. Writing is my passion. That doesn't mean I'm any good at it. Thanks for reading! All my love *hearts*


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